BlueFairy

I work for Haggen--a grocery chain that's struggling right now. I worked for Albertsons 23 years prior before the store getting taken over due to govt. involvement. We kept our union, have great benefits they kept seniority and my 4 weeks vacation. Thankfully my store does not seem to be closing after the chapter 11 they just filed.
The thing is I was passed over when my boss retired right before the takeover and it is still absolutely humiliating and painful for me to work there. I know my alcoholism had something to do with it- in retrospect- and I'm still recovering. I'm still super tired much of the time and forget stuff like what time I'm supposed to work--it's happened a few times in the last 2-3 weeks. I've been working 3 days (opening 2) to get 20 hours, but our hours were cut so bad I'm back to closing 2 nights a week just to maintain 20 hours and I Hate closing now. It's like the worst punishment for me after being passed over. So I'm thinking I should be looking for another job. After 23 years of being out of the job seeking market--it seems like a huge undertaking for me right now-- but now's the time. Seems like if there's any chance of me getting hired by someone else half way decent -- somewhere I'd Want to work, my reason for leaving my job right now looks good on paper. I don't have a resume anymore--it got stolen out of my car-- a whole folder of stuff years ago. I did manage to secure some great clothes for interviews and dropping off resumes when I was up in Salem at a Goodwill outlet there when I wasn't sure if I had a job to come back to-- so that's a start and they will come in handy if our store does close, but I'm wondering whether or not I should expend energy on a job search. I'm also a shop steward and it would break my heart to leave my union... When I was passed over it was with the promise that I'd "get the next one" provided I quit drinking (it was implied) and didn't have any more extreme issues with depression (I was suicidal). I don't know if that will ever happen though-- I was waiting to be promoted for years in line after someone who worked until she was 64--I don't want to be waiting forever. I'm just wondering do I take the humility and let the opportunity for a new job pass me by because I'm still so fragile and really recovering. Do I trust my store director to promote me next time? This is such a soap opera... I am married and husband's income is the main income. Mine is all about the insurance. My son does also need his wisdom teeth pulled when my insurance rolls over in January so I really have to stay until then although I am committed to getting him SSI this year, he's autistic, 24, and lives with us-- never had a job.
On a lighter note--when I was at the steward summit Wed. night there was dancing as one of the 'social activities" Usually my social activity for the night is to drink a lot and follow other fellow drinkers around and get myself in trouble. This year it was an open bar (before this there were drink tickets lol) and I wasn't even tempted. I actually got up and danced! Just danced with the 'girls' and danced by myself when no one else was-- I didn't care-- it was just fun...Didn't need to drink to do it. At a certain point I also managed to escape gracefully and soaked in the wonderful hotel jacuzzi. The next day I was tired yeah but I wasn't actually falling asleep (another first) during the summit and was able to go to that goodwill outlet after and do 3 hours of sorting through bins for interview clothes...(and found some other cool stuff)
I guess I could just sort of work on the resume myself for now (I don't want to spend money) and keep checking the only other grocery chain that I can apply to that has my union... I'm also in the meat dept. so I'd need to stay in that dept. I would actually like to have a 'real job' like so many others do and have weekends off and holidays-- a job where I wouldn't have to wear a uniform and hat or hairnet in public-- but I know that's just a pipedream since I don't have the money to go to college. I mean No money. None. Won't do the debt thing-- I'm 47....I'm just kind of wondering when this recovery thing really will start kicking in. I'm doing everything I can....

Soberwolf

There is lots of great CV/resume building websites to get help with

Things will get better

Wholesome

I think it can't hurt to look for another job if you're unhappy in the one you have. I was passed over for a promotion in my last job where I'd worked for 7 years and was running the place for someone with way less experience who they wanted me to train for the job I was already doing. I was so bitter that I immediately started looking for something else and now I have a way better job that pays more, weekends off, and I actually really like.

Obviously you wouldn't quit your current job until you find another one so why not explore your options?

silentrun

Hi Bluefairy.
If it were me I would wait a full year maybe two into recovery before I made any moves that might cause extra stress. Unless your job is making you miserable or you are afraid to may get laid off I would just keep my eyes open for better opportunity.
So...are you the bluefairy from that movie AI?

sleepie

Hi Bluefairy!
Just a suggestion- maybe you can get a low key receptionist gig somewhere?
Usually they offer benefits if you work for say, a school or hospital.
Something to consider- they are entry level positions so no degree required.

Music

If you're not drinking, the "recovery thing" has already kicked in. I find it interesting that you didn't mention....unless I missed it, how long you've been in recovery. At any rate, I was told not to make any major decisions in the first year of sobriety so now I'm passing that on to you. Recovery isn't about making job changes, relationship changes etc., it's about making changes in my life so that I don't have to drink any more. So, that's my suggestion to you. Stop worrying about the job and what you think you're owed because you've done this or that. Think about staying sober so that you can improve on the job and in your relationships with the people around you. Just remember, anything you put in front of your sobriety, you'll eventually lose if you drink again.

BlueFairy

Been sober 4 months--sorry think I put that in my first draft or so-- had to re-post several times because it wasn't posting. Looked around and had to shorten my subject title to one word...

Yeah I said something to my store director about putting together a resume and he seemed very disappointed, but understood as the store could very viably go down. I don't think it will though. It's a tough situation for me right now--I'm acknowledging that. I think I'm going to just keep working part time and work on getting my son SSI. At the same time I will work on getting a resume together and put an application and resume in to the one store I could still maintain my union membership. A year seems like a reasonable recover time and a good time frame to give the new store--I'll give it 8 more months and by then I'll be good and strong. Right now I just still feel very incapable of the huge task of finding a job. I do see signs that change can happen with me still at 47--I have learned how to cope with daily stress much better, have been feeling very 'zen' lately and that is because of the yoga and learning how to control my anxiety. I'm extremely proud too I'm not controlling it with drugs--it's all personal skills I've learned. Was thinking this last night as I passed my freeway entrance lol--it's ok took the next one. Now I just have to find some energy and drive...

BlueFairy

See-- this is what I would hope for, and thanks for sharing with me your experience. It really hurts. I'll start with the basics of a resume and cover letter. I'm a perfectionist so it will take me awhile to put that together and who knows, as I become physically and mentally stronger it will be easier to get out there and treasure hunt. I did talk to my boss yesterday and made it clear to him I don't want to work nights any more than I have to and if I do have to work 2 nights a week-- then I want more hours. I'll go only 20 hours if it means only working one night a week but if I have to work more than one night--then I'll take hours from my co- worker. I have seniority and I'm supposed to be 'co-managing' so I have rights to those hours. I'm also the shop steward so they are respectfully a little scared of me. My mgr. did tell me my co- worker was thinking about going back to school so there's a little light for me.

BlueFairy

In a roundabout way since they took a lot from Pinocchio for that :-)

I just like the character--you don't see her much anywhere like you do Tink, Cinderella etc. I have Figaro and Cleo from the movie tattooed on my upper arm (kitten and goldfish) Honesty mean a lot to me--it seems it is an under appreciated quality these days.

Cow

BlueFairy special to me too! Is small token in light of recovery issues (of which I also has many) but I hope maybe you enjoy my crayola rendering.

Berrybean

Hi - sorry not getting this promotion is affecting you so badly. As much as it hurts I think it's worth working on that resentment, because any resentment is bad for our sobriety. Is it worth chatting to the people who did the hiring and ask if they could give you feedback from your application / interview so that you know the areas to work on ready for next time this opportunity comes up. It's okay to say to them that you felt really disappointed to be overlooks, and that after your length of service and your experience you had hoped to be able to step up a level. This might be hard for you - we alcoholics are notoriously bad at dealing with criticism and rejection. However, it could be very helpful for you, both in dealing with this resentment, and for future applications / interviews. It might be that the other person had something on their resume that you don't, which was a clincher. Maybe you will be left feeling that they were wrong. Either way - that's the way it is now, and as much as you let this rattle round your head, stewing on it won't make it better. Effectively you are punishing yourself with this resentment. This will delay your recovery.

On the subject of when does recovery 'kick in': The answer to that is that it depends how much we work on it. Stopping drinking is just the tip of the iceberg, and in itself is not 'working on our recovery' Recovery is like a mission of relearning. Learning how to deal with stuff like resentment; anxiety; fear on a daily basis without the fuzzy warm blanket of booze to soften things for us. It is learning about ourselves, and working on those areas that make life painful for us (and stop us functioning so well, and enjoying good relationships with others.)

For me personally, this has meant AA and working the 12-step program. I delayed my step work (procrastinating because I wanted to do it perfectly or not at all, so waiting for a time to come around when I'd be able to focus on it fully. Of course, that time never came. Thankfully I realised what I needed to try, and just when I was starting to feel almost suicidal, I asked someone to sponsor me and started on that step work. Things seemed a lot brighter quite quickly then, as although my life is the same, my perspective has altered. It was like remembering to put my 3-d glasses on at the cinema and seeing everything for what it actually is. Pretty powerful stuff, for me anyway.

Not everyone takes the AA route but most people on here who seem to be in a good state of Recovery have read, learned, and explored. They have been willing to change their way of thinking and become more accepting of things beyond their control. Somewhere there are some great threads about recovery plans, it might be worth looking through those and seeing if there are some missing elements that you could add in to try to get some relief.

PS Will your son go to a specialist autistic dentist? I know my pupils who are autistic have to be referred to the Autistic Dental unit at our local hospital where they have greater understanding and can make things less traumatic for them.

BlueFairy

He's high functioning and 24. We were lucky to have a very gentle dentist when the kids we're little and now I go to one that only bills our insurance and he's also an awesome dentist! It's cool they have specialists though these days for that.

I've been looking through websites that have people reviewing jobs at places (glassdoor) and their interview processes, at least I'm getting a better idea of places I'd like to apply and what kind of interview questions they ask, by spring I think I'll really be ready to start looking. Until then I'm going to work on recovery, getting better sleep, maybe losing a little more weight, if I ever get some sort of regular schedule maybe look into some counseling of some sort....
Definitely will go full tilt on SSI for my son, he can't stay on my insurance forever and I don't think he'll ever be able to work unless he does get SSI and is officially recognized as handicapped. Then maybe he can get that sort of job y'know.