This afternoon
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
This afternoon
has been a clusterf*** of annoyance and
I am worn out from benzo withdrawal... I have been clenching my teeth so hard these past few days I have headaches that feel like they encase my entire skull and eyes.
I feel like my head is going to explode if one more thing bothers me, hyper sensitivity to noise sound and smell ALSO to boyfriend who has absolutely no clue what I am going through
I wanted a drink these last few days and there's a bar along the way to my gig that is open at 7 a.m. and I pass it several times a day
I didn't drink though this afternoon pushed me over the top
Am I winning?
At what?
62 days now
I need a vacation.
I am worn out from benzo withdrawal... I have been clenching my teeth so hard these past few days I have headaches that feel like they encase my entire skull and eyes.
I feel like my head is going to explode if one more thing bothers me, hyper sensitivity to noise sound and smell ALSO to boyfriend who has absolutely no clue what I am going through
I wanted a drink these last few days and there's a bar along the way to my gig that is open at 7 a.m. and I pass it several times a day
I didn't drink though this afternoon pushed me over the top
Am I winning?
At what?
62 days now
I need a vacation.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Yes! You are winning. 
You're fighting the good fight, for your life. And tho it may not seem like it, you are winning. 
I can only imagine how hard the benzo withdrawal must be, never having gone thru it myself.
Stay sober. You are winning.
You're fighting the good fight, for your life. And tho it may not seem like it, you are winning. I can only imagine how hard the benzo withdrawal must be, never having gone thru it myself.
Stay sober. You are winning.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I quit smoking cigarettes 6 months after i quit booze. so for those first 6 months I climbed the friggen walls clenched teeth and fists etc..
Hyper Sensitive? Yeah you nailed it loud noises bright lights even it was like can i cower in a dark corner and be left alone? oh wait there will be no peace there either FML.
In my case it was just booze and I had cigarettes to help be my crutch those first 6 months. I coulda never done them both at the same time.and that was just cigarettes. I'd Imagine a benzo withdrawel is significantly more difficult.
So the fact that your winning the game with both and 62 days really is amazing and should be a real eye opener to you of just how strong of a person you must be. Its really pretty impressive.
I hope it eases up for you soon. and your 62 days in absolutly no sense in turning back now you dont ever wanna do those 62 days again? so dont bother back sliding.
I hope it eases up soon. I want to say it will But I didnt do a benzo withdrawel at the same time so its hard for me to really say.
Hyper Sensitive? Yeah you nailed it loud noises bright lights even it was like can i cower in a dark corner and be left alone? oh wait there will be no peace there either FML.
In my case it was just booze and I had cigarettes to help be my crutch those first 6 months. I coulda never done them both at the same time.and that was just cigarettes. I'd Imagine a benzo withdrawel is significantly more difficult.
So the fact that your winning the game with both and 62 days really is amazing and should be a real eye opener to you of just how strong of a person you must be. Its really pretty impressive.
I hope it eases up for you soon. and your 62 days in absolutly no sense in turning back now you dont ever wanna do those 62 days again? so dont bother back sliding.
I hope it eases up soon. I want to say it will But I didnt do a benzo withdrawel at the same time so its hard for me to really say.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by sleepie 
Thanks guys I am still fuming, my bf made me so mad today and it just set off something and I am feeling physically weird too.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Sleepie, my mother was addicted to benzos, she had the sensitivity to light and noise. Also a short fuse.
Have you considered doing some service to others to take your mind off your symptoms?
Love from Lenina
Have you considered doing some service to others to take your mind off your symptoms?
Love from Lenina
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Lenina right now it's all I can do to go and see to my little gigs.
I have such horrible tic fits as well, they take hours of my time. It's neurological. I really, honestly can't help it and am almost in tears sometimes because they are exhausting. Benzo withdrawals are exacerbating them. My time away from my gigs is mostly spent in a cool dark room trying not to be stimulated.
I would not have the presence of mind to service anyone.
It's tough to explain if you haven't been through it.
I have such horrible tic fits as well, they take hours of my time. It's neurological. I really, honestly can't help it and am almost in tears sometimes because they are exhausting. Benzo withdrawals are exacerbating them. My time away from my gigs is mostly spent in a cool dark room trying not to be stimulated.
I would not have the presence of mind to service anyone.
It's tough to explain if you haven't been through it.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
I have had tics since I was a kid, very stress induced. And drinking did wash those away... freedom.
This is horrible, it's just like it used to be before the drinking began.
It's hard to even be in public. I can't concentrate on anything.
Maybe my gray matter has always been prone to overstimulation.
This is horrible, it's just like it used to be before the drinking began.
It's hard to even be in public. I can't concentrate on anything.
Maybe my gray matter has always been prone to overstimulation.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
They do abate when things are less stressful.
Trouble is I am always stressed out.
And if it is neurological, I am prone to stress.
Like asking a diabetic to stop being sensitive to sugar you know?
This is another reason I wish that I could live on my terms.
I have repetitive stress and calluses from the tics!
Trouble is I am always stressed out.
And if it is neurological, I am prone to stress.
Like asking a diabetic to stop being sensitive to sugar you know?
This is another reason I wish that I could live on my terms.
I have repetitive stress and calluses from the tics!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I get probelms at night sometimes I'll start twitching uncontrolably its like my skins crawling and i just cant help it its tough to describe its like somethings wrong with my nervous system. But luckily it only lasts 5 or ten mintues at a time and its not every thing thank god. I can only imagine if tics are similier to that its gonna be rough to deal with.
You got some crap odds and a crap hands been dealt to you but despite it all your doing pretty good tho. You should pat yourself on the back for a job well done etc...
You got some crap odds and a crap hands been dealt to you but despite it all your doing pretty good tho. You should pat yourself on the back for a job well done etc...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
yeah one reason i started the walking myself was because i was climbing the walls I theorized if i could just wear myself out i'd just finally be able to relax and get some rest. It never really worked out that way but i did feel calmer in time on the days i walked vs days i didnt.
If i dont run a day i'm generally ready to rip someones head off. just how it is i guess.
If i dont run a day i'm generally ready to rip someones head off. just how it is i guess.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Bellingham
Posts: 513
The bottom feeder experience only works with flask drinking. As a flask drinking tramp, I always found it really hard to respect someone plunking down 5 dollar bills on a bar listening to REO Speedwagon.
So, the question is, are you prepared to start drinking flasks of warm Czar Nicholas in alleys and on the bus?
Or, an alternative, you can explore this new space, go and sit in an alley and watch the world pass. Tea is nice, soothing. It is cool, up against the brick. You can also indulge in the luxury of muttering and swearing, which is very theraputic as long as you don't make a job out of it.
Being messed up is like 'messed up ness' screaming at you to just feel the depths of being messed up. Like something in a dream chasing you evaporates when you turn around.
With drinking you're just giving yourself to the he sh*t fu*k world that makes you want to drink. Embrace the subterranean experience, the cool, caverns of mystery.
So, the question is, are you prepared to start drinking flasks of warm Czar Nicholas in alleys and on the bus?
Or, an alternative, you can explore this new space, go and sit in an alley and watch the world pass. Tea is nice, soothing. It is cool, up against the brick. You can also indulge in the luxury of muttering and swearing, which is very theraputic as long as you don't make a job out of it.
Being messed up is like 'messed up ness' screaming at you to just feel the depths of being messed up. Like something in a dream chasing you evaporates when you turn around.
With drinking you're just giving yourself to the he sh*t fu*k world that makes you want to drink. Embrace the subterranean experience, the cool, caverns of mystery.
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