Clarebear13

I first posted here last week after a bit of lurking. I've learned a lot already from you guys. I am realizing that I have a problem with drinking and need to do something about it. What do I do next? To be honest, a life without alcohol seems inconceivable. Most things I do involve drinking. How do I socialize? How do I cook, do household chores or just relax without it? Wtf! How did I end up in this situation? A few times I've tried to stop, but only lasted as long as 10 days. I feel weak. My therapist suggests AA, but I'm not sure about the higher power thing and I don't think I drink all that much. I'd really just like to talk to people who have been through the same kind of thing. Please help me

sleepie

It's a gradual process, you have to want to quit more than the other things. What brought you to SR? Maybe that can hep motivate you to stay quit.

doggonecarl

Don't drink all that much? You mean, as much as an alcoholic? Fine, you aren't an alcoholic, but you can't imagine a life without alcohol. I don't know any "normal" drinkers who can't imagine a life without alcohol.

You want to know what to do next? You need to get off the fence. You can't talk quitting yet cling to the idea that you don't have a problem. So research. Read the Big Book of AA. It's online. Research addiction, and research recovery methods.

Hard to quit until you accept you have a problem, and can accept the solution--never drinking again.

Believe me, sobriety is not a punishment. I was an every day drinking. Everything thing I did involved alcohol. That's enslavement. I quit. Now I'm free.

Fly N Buy

Pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization was a phrase that struck a chord with me. I could not envision quitting drinking nor continuing to drink.........terror, bewilderment, frustration and despair became associates I knew.

There is a lot of experience, strength and hope here on SR. I would venture to guess very few who post came to the decision to quit readily. Kicking and screaming, trials and tribulations until the consequences of drinking were too much.

Glad you're here, welcome!

Clarebear13

^^^ this is what I feel

birdygal78

This!! This is exactly what I've been thinking about all day. I came to the realization that I am being controlled by alcohol. An absolutely scary thought.

Fly N Buy

Those words our from the book of Alcoholics Anonymous......many of us identified with those sentiments.

You don't have to try and solve all the burdens you are carrying all at once - and you are not alone, friend

ScottFromWI

We've all been through the same kind of thing ClareBear. And while life without alcohol may seem inconceivable, it is possible. Not only possible, but better. The majority of the population drinks very little or not at all. We just tend to hang around with the heavy drinkers as alcoholics because it suits our lifestyle better.

You can do this if you want to, and AA is only one of many recovery methods. Even if you don't plan to follow the program forever, it would be worthwhile to at least give it a try, just like you are doing here with SR. Worst case scenario you meet some other people seeking the same thing as you.

Fluffer

If you're not into AA, there are other support groups like LifeRing or Women for Sobriety. Or you can try a purely cognitive approach like Rational Recovery or Allen Carr's Easy Way. Good luck!

Clarebear13

Is this true? I grew up in Britain with a father who declared "I don't trust people that don't drink". So I guess I'm just used to being around heavier drinkers.

Midton

I also grew up in the UK in working class industrial town. I didn't know anyone who didn't drink. Even now when I go back I feel obliged to drink or I'd be on my lonesome. I do feel that Britain is extreme and our once feast mentality of drinking at the end of the week is now a far more frequent occurrence.

I don't live in the UK now and where I live the amount of people who don't drink is shockingly high, especially women. Different cultures , attitudes and genes.

nebrgrl

I'm in the same boat. I've been lurking around this site for a few months. I think I probably need help. Probably is probably an understatement. I feel so guilty. I know I drink way too much. Every day. Sometimes 10 beers plus sneak swigs from the bottle the in the cabinet. I have my own 9 year old daughter plus my soon to be husband's 8 and 12 year old girls. I'm getting married in three weeks and I'm afraid to quit drinking before then. I'm having anxiety attacks now every day and I don't know why. I've been too afraid or unsure of where to post on here.

Aarryckha

Quitting drinking was one of the hardest decisions I made. I didn't want to give it up. When I drank, I was comfortably numb. And I was satisfied living my life like that, or so I thought.

By the time I quit, I was up to 750mL or more of vodka a day. I lost my six year relationship with my boyfriend, pushed almost everyone in my life away. I drank every minute I could, black out, pass out, wake up start again.

I was scared of what I was doing to myself. Where was I going to end up? When was enough enough? Would I end up dead alone in my house and no one would find me for weeks?

I decided enough was enough and I poured out the rest of the vodka I had and didn't know what else to do next. I detoxed at home alone (don't do this please!) made it through that hell and ended up here on SR. I've gotten all my support from this site and the people I've met through it.

The early days felt impossible. I remember reading a post about a member who had seven months sober and I didn't think I could do it. I've just passed 18 months now, and man, I wouldn't trade any amount of liquor for the time I've had sober. I finally feel like my old self again; my personality is coming through and I'm that inquisitive, friendly, affectionate person again.

It's not gonna be easy, especially in the beginning, but I don't think you'll find a person here who will tell you they regret getting sober. You will get to a point that you will rarely think about it and you definitely won't miss you. You're not losing alcohol; you're gaining sobriety and all the wonderful things that comes with it.

It will be tough, but you can do it and we will be here to help you.

Delfin

I didn't know how I was going to live life without alcohol when I quit either. I took a leap a faith believing that with the great knowledge and experience people share here, I'd figure out how to do it. And guess what? I'm doing it. I'm up to about 50 days now and would be at about 3 months if I hadn't fallen off a bit. I'm not doing AA or any other program, though I studied up on SMART Recovery tools when I got started. I like the CBT approach. Maybe you can check that out and see if it works for you. Best of luck, Cb.

Delfin

Mags1

Hi Clarebear. I couldn't think of my life without booze. The culture in UK has been a lot around it. My dad was a coalminer, heavy drinkers.

I knew I would like to control it, drink like others, weddings, a get together, butno, I drank at home alone, or well, anywhere and always was planning my next drink.
But I knew I had to stop, the red face, bloatedness, the fog! Didn't realised how my brain was so fogged up until I stopped! It took a while for it to lift but it did.

Now I don't wake up with hangovers, memory loss, regrets, if I need to drive at any time day or night I can, guilt free.
A couple of months into sobriety I found this site and I can't remember how I found it! But it has been my lifeline, I come here day and night anytime I want, just to read and sometimes have an input.

There is a life after alcohol, a good one. I did wonder what recovery was and found I had to learn to live without booze when being so dependant on it.

Is it worth it? Yes, a million times!

Soberwolf

Welcome Clarebear its really nice to meet you

Did you get that name from Hero's ?

Fly N Buy

Welcome, glad you're here with us! Consider starting a thread, perhaps - that says pretty much what you just started here

ScottFromWI

Yes it is true. I grew up in a drinking family and also in a community where drinking is very common. Now that I'm sober though I realize quite starkly that being a regular binge drinker is not the norm at all. Alcoholics seek people and situations that involve or condone heavy drinking, so it just seems like it's everywhere.

Sasha4

Alcohol made me unhappy.

It did not matter what label I was - binge drinker, alcoholic, alcohol abuser, whatever. It just made me unhappy.

I don't think I drunk as much as others in AA either.
However, whatever amount i drank, it usually led to unhappiness.
I did not need to be homeless, living under a bridge, drinking out of a brown paper bag, to be unhappy.
I was quite capable of letting alcohol make me unhappy with a large salary, a 4 bedroom house, a partner, a child, a fancy TV, my roots done once a month and I could go on.

I didn't think I could socialise without drink, but I can.
I didn't think I could sleep without drink but I can.
I didn't think I could not drink on an all inclusive holiday but I did.

Some people can have 1 or 2 drinks then stop.
I couldn't.
There is no point debating the why can't I drink like that or why am I not like everyone else? I just can't drink like a normal drinker. Thats the end of it.

You do not have to decide forever.
You can stop and start again anytime you want.
It is up to you.

I stopped first for a week. Then a month. Then a year. No here I am at 4 years.
I extended the time frames because I PREFERRED my life and me when I didn't drink.

Thinking it in terms of never drinking ever again for the whole of your life is thinking too far ahead.
Thats a massive amount of time to get your head round.
Its to big to think that way.

I still cannot say if I will ever drink again.
Who knows?
But today, I'm not drinking.
Tomorrow? Lets see when it arrives?

zjw

every story is different. and so is every recovery. AA happens to be a good free resource. SR is here. there rational recovery various books etc..

Do what works. I sobered up with no support at all the first year. I was not about to go to rehab for i was not that bad.... AA? PFFF i wasnt one of them! I didnt even know this site existed. So the first year I did it the hard way. and you know a lot of people look at me like i have 6 heads when i tell them that. They are baffled as to how i made it. So i guess that whole time i wondered OMFG i'm never gonna make it I suppose I really was up against some rough odds and didnt even realize it.

After a year I found this site. why? i was mad no one noticed I had a year and i wanted some advice too. The people here pushed me into AA. I went for a few reasons. for starters I thought who knows maybe I should give it a whirl. I also new it would probably be good for me even tho I was not to big on the idea becuase even at a year sober I didnt feel that I was an alcoholic. I didnt have a drinking problem. I had a lot of problems but drinking wasnt one of them I always felt. Well I went to AA looked around that table and my life flashed before me ya know all the warnings from mom about how oh that one there he's an alcoholic etc.. as if it was some dark and terrible thing. I saw all these old alcholics and realized i wasnt a kid anymore i too was an old alcoholic just like them. Then I had to mutter those works "hi i'm an alcoholic" and it got REAL real fast.

I'm glad I went to AA I dont go very often but i do enjoy going when i do. I wish it was closer to my house and at an earlier time of day or those are just excuses to not go I'm not sure but I think i'd go more often if it was.

But getting support anyway you can is really helpful. Dont do it hte hard way. and dont waste to much time wondering if you are an alcohlic or if you are not. Even if your not an alcoholic i mean seriously is alcohol really good for you?

OH and about all my problems the reality was I was an alcoholic and a lot of those problems where bi products of my addiction. Here all that time I thought I had all those problems and alcohol was solution. I was wrong it was the other way around.