sleepie

Hi guys, I'm sorry you have to hear from me again. I am in the last couple weeks of my benzo taper and I think it's getting really difficult. I also wonder if the heat is exacerbating my symptoms and also don't understand why I feel so bad on a slow taper. Now I have had about 2 hours plus of sweating, feeling anxious, as if it is hard to breathe, dizziness and overall feeling like I am on the verge of something really sudden and bad. After a cool bath and sitting in AC I am a little better but shaky. I'm on a really low does of valium now, day 5 into my last taper and at 2 mg. I know if I take extra it will all go away and I am trying so hard not to do that. It just wasn't this difficult before and I did it with klonopin last time. I hope it's just my brain adjusting. It's really disconcerting that you can't just taper and continually feel better after bad spells with benzos. It just toys with you. I am such a mess I am just ready to cry tonight.
I saw the Dr yesterday, another 90 dollar 20 minute session. 90 dolars is 9 hours of work for me. 20 minutes for this guy... to nod and say "uh huh" as I told him some of what I am going through. Then he spoke to my boyfriend about his trip to Milwaukee. We caught him off guard, he was not supposed to be in and I was there a week early accidentally. I wondered why he acted slightly odd.
Anyway I am still feeling shaky and weird. I wonder if the heat and humidity is making things worse. I am so scared I will never feel ok again without being hit out of the blue wit these episodes

sleepie

alright i lost the battle took 4 extra mg just sweating and shaky it hits so fast

birdygal78

Never be sorry to post. Talking things out with people who are going through similar situations is huge in recovery!
I'm sorry you're struggling with the benzos. Hang tough! You'll get through it.

davaidavai

You're contending with a lot more than most, so give this idea that you're doing something wrong, along with all the trust fund beauty qeens out there living in daddy's world till they die the middle finger.

Post the hell out of this thing.

Delfin

I'm so sorry this benzo taper has been such a long and difficult process for you, Sleepie. I just went off my Zoloft recently and that was hard, so I can only imagine what it's been like for you. Thankfully, you're getting close to the end of the process (if I'm not mistaken). I hope it'll be much better for you soon! Just hang there a little longer.

Delfin

Lenina

Sleepie, I think I've mentioned this before but please ask your doctor about a small dose of the beta blocker atenolol. I take 25 mg a day which is a tiny dose for a minor heart thing I have. I understand atenolol is often used for detox and especially so with benzos. It is not mood altering or sedating. As I understand it, it helps control the heart rate.

It's extremely inexpensive. I think my monthly RX is $9. That's not going through my insurance, that is the total amount. It comes in 50 mg pills so see if you get that and cut them in half to stretch it a bit.

Just ask your doctor. It's not an unusual thing. You might see about learning counted breaths to get you through the rough patches. It's very easy but I know I used to forget when I felt panicky. I haven't used benzos much as they had a rapid rebound anxiety effect.

See if this helps.

Love from Lenina

2muchpain

Lenina

Yes, I take atenolol for anxiety and it works well most of the time. John

zjw

i dunno what its like to benzo taper. But I know when i sobered up life hit me like a freaight train. Even if i tapered off booze for months I honestly thing the reality is that reality was gonna smack me senseless because even months and months into sobriety i still struggled.

I dunno how much of your issue is the dependance on the benzo, Life smacking you upside the head, or the lack of booze.

Now when i say life smacking you upside the head. I dont meant to say that your life is so terrible or isnt so terrible. I mean no matter how good or bad your life is it seems to just railroad you when you sober up.

So I think you probably got a bit of all 3 going on and its difficult to say is it the benzo? is it reality with no substances just freaking you out because of how RAW it seems when you sober up? Is it PAWS? Is it a bit of everything?

Its gonna take time. Your getting some coping skills under your belt by posting here. I think once you fully taper it'll still be a bit of an adjustment for a bit but you can post away here etc..

sleepie

It has to be the benzo taper, these drugs are notoroius for this kind of thing.
Anyway feeling like hell but have to be up after 3 hours of sleep to go do some work.
After I took extra yesterday I was still feeling bad.

2muchpain

Could it be that your attempts at tapering isn't working? Do you have a back-up plan? John

sleepie

What kind of back up plan? It's just the unfortunate way of benzos, you have to taper off it. Cold turkey can be lethal.

2muchpain

I was thinking along the lines of a medical detox. I would think it would be a lot quicker and much less uncomfortable. John

2muchpain

Or talk to your doctor to see if it is possible to take a non-narcotic drug to help you with your tapering. John

sleepie

It's a medically supervised detox with a psychiatrist, the Ashton method.
If there were a drug to ease benzo taper I think we'd all take it! I really don't want to trade in one pill for another though I just want to be off of everything I have excruciating cramps and will not even take an advil now. I left a message with the dr but I don't expect to hear back, it was hours ago.

D122y

Hope you all struggling can find some peace. It has to be better than yesterday.

Great thread.

Sincerely how I am feeling today.

4 months sober. No meds.

Didn't get enough sleep and had to get up at 3 am.

Anxiety is like a titanic metronome. Woosh Tick, off, woosh tick, on...

I never, ever want to deal w this stress again.

We all know that booze got us in this mess.

Never a drop in this body again.

sleepie

If only it were so, Di22y! The benzos are tricky did you ever take them?
You can be kind of ok and then get hit like a storm.
Then doing bad. Then good,then doing bad. Then good again then awful. They are notorious for back and forth with how you feel instead of just getting better and better when you taper off. It does help to come here, at least I don't feel alone. I thought I was going to die last night. The heat and humidity were making it hard to breathe too and I was so dizzy. Now it cooled off and I feel better, for now. Would like it if the dr called me back tho

D122y

Sleepie,

If I took benzos I would have to quit my job...

Any anti d.s etc would cause me to lose a great, easy, job...

..nobody at work knows what I am going through...

If they knew, it probably would be ok, as long as I stayed drug free, but I like it secret.

This is SR anonymous. It is working. Thanks to awesome people like you.

sleepie

you're better off. They just get to be a burden in the long run.
They are the best and worst thing that ever happened to me.

2muchpain

I'm real happy to hear you are working closely with your doctor!! I only suggested the non-narcotic method because that's what I did to replace the benzos. What I meant by a detox was to actually go into a facility for several days to be monitored closely, but everyone is different and your doctor knows you a lot better than I do. Good Luck. John

MemphisBlues

Just know it does get better, Sleep.

I can attest that there is life after benzo withdrawal.

I wonder, however, if tapering creates it own kind of hell. I mean, you will experience symptoms with each dose reduction, and I wonder since you are on such a low dose now that jumping off and feeling sick for a week or two might be a shorter hell than spreading the misery out over a few more weeks.

But the purpose of tapering is to hopefully avoid post acute withdrawal symptoms. I just wonder if you aren't at that point now?

But do know that it all passes. After total cessation, the anxiety, sweating, palpitations, panic, all goes away.

It did for me, and I went cold turkey from an elephantine dose of Klonopin.

You're doing great. All the pain now will be worth the peace at the end.