Dee74

Zen you're no different to the rest of us.
I kept drinking while I could get away with it, and for a little longer after that.

The thing I realise now that I couldn't back then is I can choose when this stops.

All that effort that I put into hiding my drinking, or catching up on stuff last minute cos I'd been drinking, or trying to clean up a mess I'd made for myself when drunk - all that immense effort was at my disposal.

I just had to direct it to the right thing.

D

Wholesome

Thanks everyone for your responses. I really appreciate them, it means a lot to me to have others understand. You people are the best! I mean that.

I'm going to give this another go starting Monday. I know why not today? But it's just the way that feels right to me.

My plan is just to not drink and to keep a tight watch on my thinking. It's all in my head. There is some very faulty thinking going on that needs to be corrected. I'm going to try to keep myself busy and stay positive. Lots of little good decisions will start to add up, at least I hope so!

Maybe I'll get busy in the kitchen and try some new recipes. Go outside for more walks. Play some board games with my kids. Heck maybe I'll start playing video games on the PS4 I just spent a small fortune on but suck at playing!

Hope everyone has a wonderful long weekend!
xx

doggonecarl

Planning a future quit date is really just planning to drink...you know this, don't you? It's the couple days of drinking that feels right, not the quitting.

Come Monday I hope you can keep to your committment.

Wholesome

You got me there Carl. I guess my argument that I made the plan to go away weeks ago is pretty weak.

That's part of the faulty thinking..... One last good time. One last drunk! One last weekend...... One more last one. There is some futility and fatalism in my thinking too. I don't really have that much faith in myself. A lot of duality as well, as much as a part of me hates it, another part loves it and clings to it.

Wholesome

So I ended up changing my plans yesterday after thinking about things. We were always going to end up arriving at my friends place in the evening because my bf had to work yesterday and it's a long drive. I decided that the only thing we would end up doing was drinking for a few hours if we arrived after dark. Instead we are leaving this morning which will give us the whole day up there to do other things. I'm not going to drink today. I can make it through today without my precious beer! Tomorrow I will have to drive home, plus I start work on Tuesday at 1am so beers are off the table. Tuesday was supposed to be my quit day so I will be able to honor it with 3 days sobriety already under my belt. The tricky part will be once I get to next weekend but I've already booked up Friday with a sleepover bday party for my son.

This place really messes with my drinking, which is a good thing.

zjw

Yeah my AV has warned me if i pickup again I should probably not post here lol. I only post here and read here because it i need to constantly correct my crap thinking! haha.

Wholesome

Yeah I was embarrassed that I'd started again and I didn't want to be called out on it. The whole, "I'm a grown ass woman and I'll do whatever I want!" thinking.

I wish someone could go into my brain and correct all the faulty wiring! Tinker around in there and fix me.

Eddiebuckle

The day that I really acknowledged how broken I was, I began to heal.

Dee74

yay! good for you Zen!