Admit or accept?
 

Got my two month chip last night. I’ve been working hard on steps 1 and 2, and while going through a worksheet I found online, I came across these questions:

"Are you admitting or accepting? What is the difference between these two things? How are you accepting through your behavior?"

It really blew my mind, I came to see that while I’ve been admitting ever since I set foot in AA, to what degree have I really been accepting..? I’ve worked hard to keep doing the things in my life that I enjoy, this time sober. I’m back in my film club, I volunteered to work at my favourite local festival, I’ve been to birthdays and parties without drinking. And I’m ok with that (have to say I find it a lot easier to be an open alcoholic than someone trying to cut down - nobody offers me drinks anymore).

So how am I accepting through my behaviour? Well, there’s AA, sponsor and stepwork obviously. I’ve started walking more, spending time thinking and trying to broaden my horizons. I’ve done some work around my apartment. Trying to change my routines a little, driving more, getting up from the couch and out of my head. Getting my finances in some sort of order has been a big one. I engage more with family and friends. I breathe more and try to stay in the moment wherever I am. If thinking ahead makes me uncomfortable, I bring myself back to the now. I’ve seen some fundamental changes in myself, and I find that I’m a lot calmer and (I guess) more serene. :)

My immediate thought on the questions above was that admitting was more or less a resignation. I read somewhere (maybe here) that you admit you’re an alcoholic only when you quit drinking. I think that was my point of admission/surrender. 5 months later (having relapsed briefly this summer) I think I’m finally accepting and doing the work that comes with it.

I would love to hear other opinions on this.

Admit Accept Believe

All 3 of these are important in my own
Recovery and sobriety.

I had to admit 1st I had a problem with
alcohol and had an addiction to it. I was
sick and ill because of it.

Accepting I have this illness and that my
life became unmanageable and that I
needed to be taught about my addiction
and receive a program of recovery to
guide me along in my journey helping
me build a strong solid foundation to
live upon and incorporate in all areas
of my life was and still is extremely
important in achieveing a healthy,
happy, honest way of life for many
one days at a time to come.

That has become my Belief. :)

I think you are spot on. When you are moving your recovery forward, when you are living and loving the sober life, when you are doing everything in your power to support your decision to quit, your behavior is demonstrating acceptance.

Admitting and accepting for me were two different things. I admitted my alcoholism for a long time, but it wasn't until I acutally accepted it that I was able to stop.

Same with a bad relationship with another alcoholic. I could admit to myself all the time that I couldn't control his behaviour or fix him, but until I could actually accept that, I couldn't let go of him.

It was coming to this: "Okay, this is how it is; I can't make this different, no matter how hard I try, all I can do is move on or past it."

That was acceptance for me.

I personally try not to get too involved in the semantics of the language surrounding my recovery. I do agree that simply admitting/saying/proclaiming that you are an alcoholic is different from actually living sober and doing all the associated things that are necessary. So whatever you call it, it's great that you have found a successful way to live sober and it sounds like you have a great plan to do so, that's fantastic!

The good news is I have time to figure out a whole bunch of stuff, if I stay sober today.

I simply needed the willingness to be willing at first - that was huge for me. Slowly, while I admitted - it took me several months to really accept I was an alcoholic.

The tricky part is admitting to our inner most self..........
It helped me to read and re read the Dr's. Opinion - specifically the types of alcoholics. He reviews 5 different ones, but then goes on to state their are many more types!
This opened the door to me for acceptance. I did not have to fit anyone else's definition or type. When I first went in the rooms I listened to horrific bottoms. I thought, gee mine needs some work. I need to punch it up a little, it's pretty boring!!!
Theirs the sick mind in action.........wow.

If I don't drink today, follow a few simple rules - reach out to other alcoholics here and elsewhere - there's a pretty good chance I have accepted, today, the things I cannot change.

I am real alcoholic.......

I had this strange conversation with an ex a few weeks ago. We haven’t been in touch since last year, so I told him I’m in AA and I realize I’m an alcoholic. He’s been very central in my drinking, and it was important to me to explain to him that I’ve changed a lot since he last saw me. His answer was like a slap in the face: “I’m sorry I did this to you”…

It felt like he stole my addiction and all responsibility from me. Like I could still admit to being an alcoholic, but now I could actually go back to drinking, pointing my finger at him. Too easy… All this work I’ve done, I own it. I also own all those dark days and everything that came from them.

I agree, Scott, semantics aren’t all that important. In this case though, it just hit the core somehow. Acceptance - to me - left no room for blaming others. It’s like the pieces finally fit. Funny these small epiphanies I keep experiencing. :)

Stella - imo, the difference between admitting and accepting is more than just semantics - Perhaps the point is more important in the program we both follow.

I can admit but not accept (believe) certain things. Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today - Pg. 449 - the most famous part of the Big Book......... for a reason.

Congratulations on 2 months!!!
Well Done!!

Congrats on 2 months Stella :hug:

Admission plus action = acceptance

Admission with no action = denial.

The first action in the AA program is step 4. It is the action part of step 3. Acceptance is demonstrated by action on step 4.

What does your sponsor suggest here?

I admit I was in trouble.

I accept the fact that alcohol no longer has any benefits for me.

I admit I am standing on the railway line. I accept that a train is coming and if I don't move I will be history. Is that acceptance any use if I don't actually move? Or is the proof of my acceptance that fact that I have moved out of the way of the train?

The hard thing about quitting drinking wasn’t actually putting the bottle down, it was answering the huge question "Now what?". I think the admittance was one thing, then the scope of my addiction expanded dramatically (I’ve been drinking heavily for 3 years, never really thought about my 30+ years of obsessively overeating before that).

When I think back to when I quit in April, I can hardly recognize myself. I’ve struggled a lot with finding purpose, a reason to want to live in the first place, and also live sober. It’s been a rollercoaster ride to say the least. I’ve gone from depressive navel gazing to seeing this big, exciting world full of people and opportunities.

This moment of clarity - the acceptance - was huge. I’m curious to see what my sponsor has to say too, but in the end I’m doing the steps for me, and the relief of finally really getting that first step was freaking priceless. (Trying not to be an AA apostle here, but this step seems to be essential to any kind of addiction and recovery.)

Thank you for all your feedback on this. Gottalife, I had this thought a lot like your train analogy. It’s a little like confessing to a crime and facing the consequences to me. I’m decluttering, doing my time so to speak. I love the fact that I have some very concrete repercussions to deal with, like my credit card debts. I’m paying them off rapidly, and it feels like purgatory. It also definitely feels like drinking is in the past. Like this guy in my AA group says: "You’ll never have to be alone, and you’ll never have to drink again".

I think that with acceptance I was finally able to forgive myself and start rebuilding my life.

:c014:

The difference between admittance and acceptance is like the difference between willing something to be done and being willing for something to be done.

This is not from AA or step work, but i n my mind it's like the difference between a positive thought and constructive action in line with that thought.

Objectivity and Agency. . .