BackToSquareOne

I often read the phrase, "Alcoholism is the only disease that will tell you you don't have it". I could never relate to that because I knew I had a problem from a very early age, it never really seemed to be a question of admitting or not that I was an alcoholic. The whole concept of denial always seemed a bit overused to me because it infers the pertson is not aware of the problem. We can have all kind of bad behaviors but it does not follow that we are in denial yet that label gets tossed around quite a lot. Any thoughts?

BeanSkillet

I always knew I had a different relationship with alcohol. It wasn't long after I started drinking that I started obsessing about it. I also noticed all my friends or girlfriends would stop drinking at a certain point yet I had the desire to keep going and going. Knowing you have a problem and doing something to change it are two different things.

Broncosys

We all slice that hunk of bologna in different ways BTSO. I did not always know but I did know for a long long time before I quit. I agree with you that denial is probably not the most precise word for the construct that an addict uses to keep using. I think "in stubborn" is a more accurate descriptor than "in denial". Our drug makes us feel so damn incredible albeit for such a brief amount of time that we are not about to give that up and eff all who get in our way. Most of us do not deny that we are in trouble but the power of the high overwhelms the fear of consequences. Anyway, as I said, we all have our own verbal gymastics on the status of us wonderfully flawed creatures.

D122y

I drank at 5 years old. Parents were not present. They loved me but they were busy being young.

I didn't think I had a problem until the last 10 or so years. 50 now.

Now I am educated. I will not drink today. It will not drink.

Love sobriety.

My latest find.

How to Quit Drinking without Alcoholics Anonymous: 5 Steps

Mountainmanbob

I had a friend at work that used to say, "that he was an alcoholic ", then he would laugh as if it was a very funny thing. This used to cause me to think to myself, knowing deep inside that I also was in the same condition.
Mountainmanbob

esinger

Always knew I loved to drink until I didn't but felt I had to so I didn't feel sick. Kind of like smoking or any bad habit. You know it's bad but you keep at it until the negative consequences start becoming life threatening. Don't think I was ever in denial. Just doing what I wanted to do and feeding my compulsive tendencies.

doggonecarl

Some people are in denial about their alcoholism. Others are in denial about their ability to live and love a sober life.

silentrun

I didn't know. After the first blackout I sensed something had changed. I honestly did not have the ability to figure it out until it became undeniable. The last 2 years of my drinking I was pretty sure I was in over my head. Somehow it didn't seem real.

courage2

I didn't always know but I knew for a long time -- then at first I thought I could manage my alcoholism. And when it became obviously unmanageable, I thought there was no hope for me.

BackToSquareOne

For decades I never wanted to accept the fact that for me total abstinence was the only thing that was going to work. I saw the problem but the pleasure aspect of drinking seemed to be more important than the pain. I could no longer take the withdrawals which is why I threw in the towel. Maybe there was denial built into all of that, I'm not really sure, maybe it's all in how you look at it.

NestWasEmpty

I've always been back & forth on this topic . Alcoholism ran in my extended family . Parents , Grandparents , Great grandparents. Of course I knew this at a young age , but isn't there always a but ? It didn't attach itself to all of them
Early on I would dabble a little into partying . I knew then once I started , I liked it too much to stop at one or two .
Only thing that saved me from drowning in it early was . Marrying young , being a Mother & being busy .
After I found my Nest was Empty & divorced . I should have known not to start . That's life Right - Live & Learn . The thing is I didn't Learn my lesson till it was to late .
I was never good at reading a book all the way through

Soberwolf

I never knew neither did Mrs sw it was toward the end that it became obvious I couldn't drink safely or responsibly

After my first Aa mtn I was so happy to know I wasn't alone while Mrs sw cried her eyes out she said I had no idea towards the end obviously I was questioning it

looking back I'm like how could I not see it

ChiefBromden

I knew I was addicted and had a serious problem about 10 years before I actually quit. I wasn't in any real trouble (yet) but still... Being aware of a serious problem for 10 years without trying to fix it ... is that not textbook denial?

Retread1959

I have friends from 30 years back who still joke about this in that way. I think in particular about one guy who seems impervious to the peril created by drinking-- he just drinks and drinks and becomes more and more successful. I used to envy him but now I know that I just can't drink like that. It might work for him though I'm not sure it will over the long haul, but we're both in our 50's now. It will never work for me, though.

Retread1959

I have known I had a problem with alcohol for several years. It's funny, though. Back in the day alcohol was everywhere. I was playing music in bars and we'd drink all night long. Never thought anything of it and I never drank during the day or at home at all. It wasn't until I left that life and became unhappy with some life events and some choices I'd made in life that I started self-soothing my depression with alcohol. That's when I knew I had a problem, but the problem went deeper than alcohol. Alcohol was how I coped with the problem.

IOAA2

Hi.
Towards the end of my drinking days I’m not sure it was denial or I just didn’t care any longer.
Denial is the #1 reason the majority don’t/can’t get sober.

I needed to get honest with myself about MY drinking and accept the fact I could not drink in SAFETY one day at a time in a row. BFTGOG things fell into place and with a lot of work over the years I’m now comfortable in my own skin most of the time due to recovery and the help of so many in the fellowship.

BE WELL

Ananda

I don't believe I was ever in denial about my alcoholism (that I had a drinking problem and couldn't drink successfully). I often get accused of "being in denial" but that really is often a code phrase for "you aren't admitting what I want you to admit" which goes way beyond that I am alcoholic. I absolutely have understood that I am alcoholic for 30 years. I'm not (for the most part ) in denial about a lot of my problems related to alcoholism and a lot of other issues I have. The "first step" ... admitting (and accepting) alcoholism is not the answer.

Knowing you have a problem is not the same as having an answer. No more so with alcoholism than with a budget problem ... I know I can't pay a bill ... doesn't really help me pay the bill....

I just put the comfy jargon aside and look to how to deal with my alcoholism. I don't go the same place with that as some, but I seek an answer. Denial has not been a problem for a very long time. Arguing with others about it is not helpful. I need to look for solutions with an open mind

Don't sweat the small stuff no matter how big someone else tries to make it Focus on how you can build sobriety!

Gottalife

I knew I had problems. Disloyal friends, depression, unhappiness, inability to achieve anything, unjust employers, lack of money, general uneasiness, mood swings, but in my late teens/early tewenties I could not possibly be an alcoholic. Alcohol was my friend, my solution, the only thing that made life half bearable. It couldn't possibly be the problem.

Even in the alcoholic ward, surrounded by drunks and korsakov patients, I was different. I must have a mental illness.

But alcoholism is characterised by an inability to see the truth about my self. A sort of psychosis. In that alcoholic ward I was a willing and cooperative patient, but no matter how willing, I simply could not make the connection between me and alcoholism at that time. I supposed you could call it denial, but not conscious denial. It had to be broken down, and the booze itself managed to do that a year or so later. Once I could see the truth, I was able to get help and recover.

Thinking about it, there were moments where I glimpsed the truth, usually morning after, when I would say to myself "never again", but that thought was easily forgotten later in the day as the cycle started again.

JeffreyAK

I actually didn't like alcohol very much when I first got drunk at 15, I much preferred weed. I drank anyways, but it wasn't my drug of choice back then. Later, I was briefly addicted to coke, that was a phenomenal buzz but always felt a bit over the edge, and I managed to stop that on my own, cold, and never touched it again. When I quit smoking weed a few years later, I mostly quit drinking too. It wasn't until I was past 40 that alcohol became a significant problem, and that's when the serious denial kicked in. At some level I suppose I knew I had a problem, but that level was buried and I never went there - it was always, I can stop this whenever I want to, I just don't want to, it's my medicine, everyone drinks like this, blah blah. It took a good block to sobriety for me to be able to clearly see how bad I had been.

dwtbd

I was a young teen the first time I had the opportunity to drink and I drank enough to blackout and have to be dragged home by a neighbor at attendance at the event. Woke up the next morning with another first, a major hangover. Worst part was the experience didn't scare me, I thought it was "fun". Back then it wasn't flirting with alcoholism, or problem drinking or even the not yet coined term binge drinking, it was just "partying". Barely made it out of high school with enough credits to enter college, and only lasted a semester there all due to "partying". Not just alcohol, I smoked pot daily and used acid , coke and crank whenever the opportunities presented.
I think when I realized I had Actually screwed up any chance of reaching my would be potential that partying turned into drinking mostly from self pity.
About mid twenties I had had enough , got sober for a few years. Met a great woman , we married and had children. I started drinking again, mostly "normal" social drinking, maybe a few drunken bbqs or weddings , but not real noticeable or outlandish . Then I was back as a drinker always had beer in the fridge, drank daily and more on weekends and vacations. Kept a "lid" on it for a few years, but did most of my drinking late night after we came home and everyone was in bed. The last 8 or so years the wheels were coming off, frequent embarrassing situations on vacations and weddings and the like, passing out most nights on the couch , a new normal(or a return to the normal of "partying days and the couple of couches I torched by passing out while smoking) The last two years of drinking were the worst, alcohol tolerance bouncing around, morning drinking to keep or get it together. Even tried stopping drinking and going back to smoking a " little" pot instead. That lasted for about a week and then I was back to drinking and smoking pot, a real new normal. I always knew I shouldn't drink, but I liked getting drunk too much to give it up( it also gets more complicated with physical dependence, and psychological dependence trying to escape ect).Until the anxiety started and I thought I was actually starting to go insane. Decided enough is enough, and can only get worse going forward, it had to end or it would end me. Being stuck in the addiction , not feeling like you can ever break the cycle is frightening ,and frighteningly depressing ,contemplating suicide as a solution or the inevitable endgame is a dark place, I never plan to go back there, I can't, literally. The right "parts" of me care now. Given all that I still don't think I was ever in a state of denial in regards to "partying" being the cause.