Your Self
voices ca**y
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,352
Your Self
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/23/op...one-share&_r=1
What we found runs counter to what many people might expect, and certainly what most psychologists would have guessed: The single most powerful predictor of identity change was not disruption to memory — but rather disruption to the moral faculty.
We surveyed 248 family members of people who had one of three types of neurodegenerative disease: Alzheimer’s, A.L.S. or frontotemporal dementia.
Frontotemporal dementia is the second most common form of dementia after Alzheimer’s. It obliterates executive function in the brain, impairing self-control and scrambling the moral compass. People with the disease are prone to antisocial outbursts, apathy, pathological lying, stealing and sexual infidelity.
This article almost seems like a gift from the authenticity thread for me. That IS what makes me, me. Alcohol did scramble my moral compass and turned me into someone I didn't recognize. Getting my frontal lobes wired right again and getting my moral compass back is my "true self". The "spirituality" that is the center of my being was the key. I don't mean that in a woowoo way but lining up my actions with who I really am. Unless you like woowoo then have at it.
It's a wrap. Thanks Rob.
What we found runs counter to what many people might expect, and certainly what most psychologists would have guessed: The single most powerful predictor of identity change was not disruption to memory — but rather disruption to the moral faculty.
We surveyed 248 family members of people who had one of three types of neurodegenerative disease: Alzheimer’s, A.L.S. or frontotemporal dementia.
Frontotemporal dementia is the second most common form of dementia after Alzheimer’s. It obliterates executive function in the brain, impairing self-control and scrambling the moral compass. People with the disease are prone to antisocial outbursts, apathy, pathological lying, stealing and sexual infidelity.
This article almost seems like a gift from the authenticity thread for me. That IS what makes me, me. Alcohol did scramble my moral compass and turned me into someone I didn't recognize. Getting my frontal lobes wired right again and getting my moral compass back is my "true self". The "spirituality" that is the center of my being was the key. I don't mean that in a woowoo way but lining up my actions with who I really am. Unless you like woowoo then have at it.
It's a wrap. Thanks Rob.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,025
Frontal lobe problems explain a lot of my behaviors especially in the last few years of drinking. Rewiring didn't/doesn't come easily or naturally. I didn't just wake up with or even gradually get back a moral compass. Maybe it's because I started drinking early or for so long, but I've had to build one, using people's suggestions, things I read, and watching others to see how "human beings" behave to one another. Thanks for thoughts, silentrun.
voices ca**y
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,352
You seem like you are doing pretty good figuring it out Snarkbunny. I think much of it comes with the original software. Even little kids know it's not OK to hurt someone else or take from them(as soon as they figure out other people are separate but alike enough to experience the same sensations). Start drinking and the only thing that matters is getting to that bottom of that bottle.
Out of all the things it took from me the one I missed the most was my compassion. I didn't actually do anything to anyone but I always walked around with a hate burning in me. I googled " is compassion innate" and came up with this.
What Is Compassion?
So what exactly does it take to feel compassion? Why do we experience such feelings for some people, but not for others? Cassell (2009) suggests that there are three requirements:
•The problem must be serious
•The individual's problems cannot be self-inflicted
•The observer must be able to identify with the victim's suffering
In other words, we must believe that there is a real problem, but we must not feel like the victim is to blame for his or her situation. And perhaps most importantly, we must be able to picture ourselves in the same or similar situation.
I think it was that second bullet point that did it for me. I walked around thinking people get what they deserve. I wonder if that has something to do with the stigma of mental illness and addiction. It looks like the person suffering should be able to control their behavior.
Out of all the things it took from me the one I missed the most was my compassion. I didn't actually do anything to anyone but I always walked around with a hate burning in me. I googled " is compassion innate" and came up with this.
What Is Compassion?
So what exactly does it take to feel compassion? Why do we experience such feelings for some people, but not for others? Cassell (2009) suggests that there are three requirements:
•The problem must be serious
•The individual's problems cannot be self-inflicted
•The observer must be able to identify with the victim's suffering
In other words, we must believe that there is a real problem, but we must not feel like the victim is to blame for his or her situation. And perhaps most importantly, we must be able to picture ourselves in the same or similar situation.
I think it was that second bullet point that did it for me. I walked around thinking people get what they deserve. I wonder if that has something to do with the stigma of mental illness and addiction. It looks like the person suffering should be able to control their behavior.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Auckland
Posts: 2,548
Really fascinating article. Thanks for posting.
The self-inflicted idea is probably why it's so hard to feel self-compassion when you struggle with addiction. It explains a lot of the self-loathing that's so evident in many posts, mine included.
The self-inflicted idea is probably why it's so hard to feel self-compassion when you struggle with addiction. It explains a lot of the self-loathing that's so evident in many posts, mine included.
voices ca**y
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,352
Yeah,I sometimes have a hard time giving myself compassion. I should have known better! How in a hell did I LET that happen? Rob helped me see responsibility doesn't mean blame. If it's not about blame it's not about intent either. It's about fixing the situation. I can do that. I have done that.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Great points, Silent Run & Too Shabby. Thanks for posting, this really resonated with me right now.
I thought I'd fully accepted that I was an alcoholic, that I had an illness, etc a long time ago. But a recent relapse lead to the most dire consequences I've had yet, and I hated myself so deeply for not handling it better, not landing on my feet. I checked myself into rehab and while I was there I began to accept that what had happened was inevitable, because I was sick. If I'd managed to do damage control this time without addressing the fact that my recovery plan needed major attention, it would have been coming for me the next time. I needed help, and it wasn't my fault that I needed it.
Everything felt different after that, and still does. This thread made me realize that I feel better & stronger because for the first time I really came to have compassion for myself. It's an interesting thing to realize!
I thought I'd fully accepted that I was an alcoholic, that I had an illness, etc a long time ago. But a recent relapse lead to the most dire consequences I've had yet, and I hated myself so deeply for not handling it better, not landing on my feet. I checked myself into rehab and while I was there I began to accept that what had happened was inevitable, because I was sick. If I'd managed to do damage control this time without addressing the fact that my recovery plan needed major attention, it would have been coming for me the next time. I needed help, and it wasn't my fault that I needed it.
Everything felt different after that, and still does. This thread made me realize that I feel better & stronger because for the first time I really came to have compassion for myself. It's an interesting thing to realize!
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,025
I don't feel a lot of compassion for myself. I didn't cause all my problems, but I inflicted a lot of stuff on myself (and on others). If I forgive myself for all of that, I'm afraid I'll remember it "softer" than it was, and compassion will devolve into excuses. Let someone else forgive me, if they choose to.
Robby helped me accept my past and present, my perceptions of blame or forgiveness, my mentality and experience all accumulated together & forming my self.
My fail came at #3 on your bullet list, silentrun. I didn't identify with other people. I thought I was not only unique, but apart.
Robby helped me accept my past and present, my perceptions of blame or forgiveness, my mentality and experience all accumulated together & forming my self.
My fail came at #3 on your bullet list, silentrun. I didn't identify with other people. I thought I was not only unique, but apart.
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