BackToSquareOne

The transition from a lifestyle full of mind and mood altering substances to a sober all the time way of life, is it always a better thing? Why can some make the change fairly easy and for others it's a major struggle and still others find it next to impossible?

When I look at those questions the major thing seems to be the degree of importance and how much of the persons identity is wrapped up in the particular substance. Alcohol and its ability to instantly change the way we feel, if used long and hard enough can become a very important part of how one lives their life. Take away that major coping mechanism and life can seem a bit strange, scary and foreign to many people.

I think many people can associate alcohol with happiness and to them a life without it just seems unacceptable. I have known people who could never seem to make the transition and have always found this topic very interesting. Any thoughts?

zjw

I dont want to come off as rude or insensitive. But I think and I'll speak for me i simply needed to get over myself. this was a long and painful transition as i snapped out of that dillusion alcoholism had lead me to believe etc.. I think its the same for many others as well.

We see it here every day when people log in talking about there fight and you know its the same fight we've all had and ar ehaving we are all just at different places in the battle. But I know many of us tend to think "our case is different" "my circumstances are impossible" " I cant do this". And you now a lot of that very well could be true! I know for myself it not for the grace of God I would not be here. So its probably a true statement if i said "I cant do this" cause I couldnt until my higher power stepped in and ripped me out of that pit.

But I had to get over myself along the way. and it was a very grueling process both mentally and physically and even now at 4+ years sober I find i need to get over myself fairly often.

its a process not a simple act and its a journey not a destination.

zjw

we also tend to REALLY over complicate things in our minds. and I'm super forgetful I could have a great day made all the right decisions and worked my sobriety toolbox perfectly the next day? i could forget i even have a toolbox and I could totally fall apart and i might start overcomplicating EVERYTHING in my head.

ScottFromWI

I think it really just boils down to the fact that everyone is different. It's easy to over-analyze it when in reality, each person just needs to approach sobriety in a different way.

BackToSquareOne

It can be a strange thing to look at people who took drinking to the bitter end. I've known people that I really only ever knew the drinking version of, I always wondered what a sober all the time version of them would have been like. Some have tried brief periods of sobriety and they seemed miserable but then they were not sober long enough to really make the transition.

Aellyce

My view is that openness / resistance to change is a rather complex and personal phenomenon. Things behind it can be our individual temperament (something that may be inherent and biologically determined), other areas of personality that develop in response to our life experiences (not only when drinking, but on much more basic levels with some roots as far in our past that we may not even remember), when we started using substances, what were the consequences of that, individual life conditions while in recovery, etc. This complexity may be why the process is so unpredictable and we only truly see it well and realistically in restrospect, well into it. It's easy to say that sustained sobriety is a choice and we all have free will... but then why do so many of us struggle? I also think that the same individual features are behind the fact that we can't prescribe and model recovery, tools and approaches that will lead to success easily before trying and experiencing them first hand. Usually it takes time and it often does not progress in a linear fashion, because the "system" (=each human being) is so sensitive to influences both in the moment and over time.

I was thinking many times that perhaps for those of us who regularly started using substances to alter our moods at an early age and then quit decades later, it may be more difficult to "find ourselves" as there wasn't much earlier experience and self-concept upon which recovery could be modeled. But I am not even sure this is true generally. My own experience has definitely been that I can use and take advantage of knowing myself pre-drinking (before it became a problem) relatively well and that I had a good life back then. But at the same time, I am definitely discovering lots of things that I either had no idea of or they are the product of development over time and aging. Again, not exactly simple.

Soberwolf

Good convo

Gottalife

As a group, my school friends and I all got into booze and drugs in our late teens and early twenties. You would see alcohol abuse as a major problem among us, almost all exhibiting signs of alcohol abuse or alcoholism, blackouts, outrageous behaviou, criminal acts, DWIs etc. by the time I was twenty, all my mates had cleaned up their acts. They had become interested in other things like being part of society, and they had stopped or moderated their alcohol and drug intake.

By the time I was twenty two I had been banned from all my friends houses. My behaviour had become completely unacceptable to them.
They grew out of it, I didn't. I was alcoholic, they were not.

cejay

Interesting conversation, I'm enjoying the replies as well.

You use this phrase "Alcohol and its ability to instantly change the way we feel, ..."

Alcohol has never instantly changed the way I felt, and it took longer and longer so I drank more and more, faster and faster.

Some say they knew they were an alcoholic from very early on, others not. I knew I liked to get drunk pretty early but for me, drinking was progressive. The effects on me, my drinking patterns, changed over years.

Most alcoholics I know spoke of many years, often multiple decades of heavy drinking. I do not think we can undo well learned patterns quickly. (In general) It takes time to learn (or unlearn) behaviours.

On struggling, so many factors, so many different struggles. It seems that those "starting" a life of sobriety very frequently struggle because they haven't accepted that they can't drink, and maybe need some sort of help.

That was me. I struggled with realizing, then acknowledging my situation. Once I did that, "got over myself" and asked for some help, I haven't really struggled since. It took a while to decide to fully sit in the chair in my program, but once I did its been pretty easy. I really enjoy it. I like the fellowship, I've made a lot of friends and I like going to the meetings.
The gym and meetings have filled the holes in my life, left by drinking.

There are people who've done what I've done and struggled, but I can only speak for me.

CJ.

silentrun

There are some great government studies about this. If you are female, married and employed you fall into the group that usually has the edge. 30% of alcoholics have underlying mental illness. 10% of alcoholic women and 15% of men have a personality disorder. Those people are not going to transition without help. They simply cannot do it by themselves. They stay stuck in the cycle even though they have stopped using.

1/3 Fully Recover From Alcoholism

Still, those people are in the minority. Can you imagine watching 70% of the people doing exactly what you are to get better and making it when you fail? That goes after their self efficacy which is also an indicator of success. Do you believe you can do this? The AV would have a good time telling you that you can't.

Also by the time some quit they have made a lot of mistakes and their reality may not be that great. They may have money problems, a record, ruined relationships and it may seem like to much for them to undertake. They are overwhelmed with no way to deal with the stress of their situation. Stress is a biggie for relapse especially if you don't have any skills or a support system.

Publications | National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism | Stess and Alcohol

I wish I could point to something badass about me that I have made it this far. It really is just luck of the draw. My mountain wasn't as high to climb. Life waited over a full year to even throw me a curve ball. It's still been hard and a lot of work and I had everything possible going for me. If I hadn't...who knows.