Just need to get it out
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 90
Just need to get it out
I'm in an awful state. Drinking, with no end in sight. Started again in the middle of the night. Waiting for the store to open. Haven't gone to work in days. Husband wants me at the doctor today, don't know. In a side relationship at work, huge conflicts. Rehab? How do I even explain that? I don't know how to get past these withdrawals without help. 25 years of this is wearing on me.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
You've found a good place to start, if you want help.
The end really can be in sight for you. How bad do you want this to stop? How bad do you want a whole new life that isn't filled with hangovers and conflict and suffering?
Rehab is the best thing I ever did for myself. When someone told me I'd be able to look people in the eye again, I knew I wanted that more than anything; I was ready to change. Go see your doctor and open up. Don't worry about the future and don't think about it too much. Just do what you need to do today to change direction.
Read and post here often, you'll get support.
The end really can be in sight for you. How bad do you want this to stop? How bad do you want a whole new life that isn't filled with hangovers and conflict and suffering?
Rehab is the best thing I ever did for myself. When someone told me I'd be able to look people in the eye again, I knew I wanted that more than anything; I was ready to change. Go see your doctor and open up. Don't worry about the future and don't think about it too much. Just do what you need to do today to change direction.
Read and post here often, you'll get support.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Athens, Georgia
Posts: 962
Hello JayEl,
I drank for 40 years. Self-Will-Run-Riot.
How do I even Explain to others?
It is VERY LIKELY you are the only person that needs the 'explanation'?
Have you read the book, Alcoholics Anonymous? It explains the Self-Will-Run-Riot that I so desperately thought was 'ME'. Have you done the WORK of the 12 Steps? I went thru rehab, which I needed, but then I continued drinking ... and I KNOW the condition the book describes as Pitiful & Incomprehensible Demoralization.
Read the Book, Work the Steps - that is what brought about the Miracle of a renewed life in me. Also, do a Web Search for Recovery Speaker Messages - there is a lot of info from people that have been thru it all, and their stories of what made the change of renewal in them.
RDBplus3 ... Now Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U can B 2
I drank for 40 years. Self-Will-Run-Riot.
How do I even Explain to others?
It is VERY LIKELY you are the only person that needs the 'explanation'?
Have you read the book, Alcoholics Anonymous? It explains the Self-Will-Run-Riot that I so desperately thought was 'ME'. Have you done the WORK of the 12 Steps? I went thru rehab, which I needed, but then I continued drinking ... and I KNOW the condition the book describes as Pitiful & Incomprehensible Demoralization.
Read the Book, Work the Steps - that is what brought about the Miracle of a renewed life in me. Also, do a Web Search for Recovery Speaker Messages - there is a lot of info from people that have been thru it all, and their stories of what made the change of renewal in them.
RDBplus3 ... Now Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U can B 2
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 90
Pitiful. That describes me to a T. I've been to rehab, a few years ago. It was uncontrolled. More sharing about how to use and young people doing it to get 'out' of a situation than people wanting help. I stayed dry for a while but have never embraced sobriety. I don't want to be sober. I don't want to face all this crap. I need to, but I don't know where to go, what to do, who to tell. How do I change this thinking?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
I changed my thinking by changing my thinking. I listened to others in AA. I watched my alcoholic friends lives collapse as mine was unraveling right in front of me.
My feeling was, I am young, who has the right to tell me what to do even as alcohol took more and more away from me. I didn't care. It was like I was born to drink and destined to die by it.
Jump forward some twenty years, and alcohol had taken over my life. I was addicted and alcoholic and a good one, too. The fun had long since stopped. I was out of control.
My life became a nightmare. I tried to think my way out of it a hundred times, laying in bed the days after a week long binge. Where did it get me? Drunk again.
I finally realized I could not do it alone. I reached out for help and prayed.
A miracle happened I found others who understood. I found a power greater than myself. I found this place.
I was a bad alcoholic. You wouldn't have wanted to know me. I was a mean drunk and went looking for trouble. Usually found it, too.
I finally gave in. I was beat The people in those rooms and on this board were right. They helped change my thinking. I could not do it alone.
As of three days ago, I have four years eight months sober.
My thinking kept me drunk. Other people, who knew where I was coming from, got me sober.
That's just my long winded story. How I was, what happened and how I am now.
You can do it, too. I know you can. I speak not just from my opinion, but also from watching others get sober.
Let others help you change your thinking. In AA, here, or another method.
They're out there, they're here. To help.
My feeling was, I am young, who has the right to tell me what to do even as alcohol took more and more away from me. I didn't care. It was like I was born to drink and destined to die by it.
Jump forward some twenty years, and alcohol had taken over my life. I was addicted and alcoholic and a good one, too. The fun had long since stopped. I was out of control.
My life became a nightmare. I tried to think my way out of it a hundred times, laying in bed the days after a week long binge. Where did it get me? Drunk again.
I finally realized I could not do it alone. I reached out for help and prayed.
A miracle happened I found others who understood. I found a power greater than myself. I found this place.
I was a bad alcoholic. You wouldn't have wanted to know me. I was a mean drunk and went looking for trouble. Usually found it, too.
I finally gave in. I was beat The people in those rooms and on this board were right. They helped change my thinking. I could not do it alone.
As of three days ago, I have four years eight months sober.
My thinking kept me drunk. Other people, who knew where I was coming from, got me sober.
That's just my long winded story. How I was, what happened and how I am now.
You can do it, too. I know you can. I speak not just from my opinion, but also from watching others get sober.
Let others help you change your thinking. In AA, here, or another method.
They're out there, they're here. To help.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by JayEl 
Appointment this afternoon. DH will go with me. Wish me luck.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I didnt wanna be sober like ever. I HATED being sober. even when i got sober I wanted to not be sober. What changed?
I dunno the more I stayed sober and the more i accepted that this isjust the way that its going to be get used to it then at some point a fundamental shift happened. Things went the other way and I wanted to be sober it was no longer this dreaded thing. Yeah I still have my moments where I'm like UGG a drink would be good right about now! but my general feeling over all is that I want to be sober. those desires to drink are just fleeting moments not a way of life.
I dunno the more I stayed sober and the more i accepted that this isjust the way that its going to be get used to it then at some point a fundamental shift happened. Things went the other way and I wanted to be sober it was no longer this dreaded thing. Yeah I still have my moments where I'm like UGG a drink would be good right about now! but my general feeling over all is that I want to be sober. those desires to drink are just fleeting moments not a way of life.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by JayEl
Appointment this afternoon. DH will go with me. Wish me luck.
Drinking does not "give" you anything - it only takes things away. Be thankful that you still have a husband who cares for you and the ability to seek medical help/rehab. Those things will be taken away at some point too if you continue down the current path.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Hi Jayel, I think you've done the right thing- good luck!
It's a good thing you have a supportive husband, I am not married but dated enablers and I wish badly they'd have done for me what he's doing for you- please take advantage of it.
It's a good thing you have a supportive husband, I am not married but dated enablers and I wish badly they'd have done for me what he's doing for you- please take advantage of it.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by JayEl
Back from dr. And took in quick aa meeting. Lots of blood drawn. On Ativan and some carbamazepine for seizures. husbands in charge of both.
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