kittycat3

I drank last night and called into work sick today. I feel terrible about my actions. I haven't told anyone in my life about this, and I'm not sure I can. I know that no drink is worth feeling how I am feeling now. I have plans tonight (no drinking) and I just took a shower and am feeling better but not great. I have no alcohol at the house thank goodness. Now I just have to figure out what to do with myself.
I know I need to do something different, maybe AA. I thought I'd start by posting here. I'm really scared and I am worried I will never beat this thing. I've been here before. Why do I keep doing this to myself?

doggonecarl

Perhaps you are an alcoholic. And if so, AA would be worth a shot, as you yourself said that you are struggling to maintain sobriety. What you are doing now isn't working; maybe a sponsor and working the steps will.

Good luck.

Austin4Wyo

I feeo for you so much right now...

What have you tried previously? Are you seeking any real time support?

I had many, many mornings of the same. In my addiction, I've given away fantastic, fully benefitted jobs rin order to drink. I've destroyed the trust and empathy of employers because my drinking made me a dishonest, unreliable worker at even the BEST of times. Callig in sick? Naw, I'll show up drunk. Not drunk enough to be sent home or fired, mind you, just messed up enough to screw the day up in fine order. That was only on the employment side of my life. It was worse when it came to relqtionships, finances, self-worth.

It wasn't until I reached out for serious help that I started to "get it." It wasn't until the pain of drinking outweighed the pain of not drinking that I started making changes in ME. Are you at that point? If so, what can you do to change?

Posting here is a good start. What happens in real time, though?

AA is a good option. What are you doing to actively make it happen?

Dee74

Hi Kittycat - welcome back

yeah I really do think trying something different is worth a shot

AA is as good as anything else

D

Hasslehoff

AA wouldn't hurt, and if anything give you a support network and assist in keeping you honest with yourself (in terms of recognizing negative behaviors and life destroying tendancies).

Don't give up and keep focused on your goals.

huntingtontx

Hey Kittycat. I am glad you posted here. If what you are doing is not working, doing something different is always a good idea. Please let us know how it goes. We all know it is not easy getting sober, but it is so worth it, and so are you. NEVER give up.

PasserbyDave

There's the pattern I know so well: not telling anyone about what you're doing, promising yourself you'll stop once and for all - and really meaning it - and then the next thing you know drinking the night into a blur, and calling in sick the next morning, and feeling terrible about yourself, and promising yourself you'll stop once and for all, and drinking again anyway.

You can do a couple of things: Keep posting here so you can stay in touch with other people who know what you're struggling with. The nice thing abount forums is they're accessible any time day or night if you can connect. Then, like the others are saying, try an AA meeting. Take what you can from it and see if you click with anyone there.. AA did a lot for me awhile but like everything involving humans it's not perfect. Its advantage is its local, so you can get together real time people. You don't have to feel like you're the only one who is struggling with this kind of thing.

kittycat3

Thanks everyone for your replies. Yes I do believe I am alcoholic, I cannot control what happens after I take that first drink.
I'll go into work today and start to pick up the pieces from this last slip. I can do this one day at a time. I'm so grateful to be sober and to have yet another shot at it.

IOAA2

Hi.
There are many good sober people on these forums who offer excellent help for those who need/want it. Unfortunately some are naysayers with a tendency to give other ways of being sober a higher value than AA.
I feel that AA has helped more, millions world wide, than all other programs put together. The problem with it is it’s not an easy program and needs resolve to follow it. This includes work AND change which many people don’t deal well with. Did I mention being honest with our self about our drinking?
It’s been said to go to 90 meetings in 90 days and if it doesn’t fit your misery can be refunded.

BE WELL

countrygirl2014

Are you tired of being sick and tired? I was. Not the life I envisioned for myself. I called out sick. I've turned down really good jobs because they cut into my drinking time. I tried to stop on my own but could not get more than 2 days. After deciding that was a problem, I used this site and made it 2 weeks. I needed help. So I hung my head in shame and walked into my first AA meeting. It was scary. Then I heard people laughing and joking and saw the connections between people. They stopped drinking and were happy? Really? I felt like I didn't belong there. I didn't belong anywhere, but I hung in there and kept going and didn't drink one day at a time. That was 11 months ago. Now I am laughing with them, my best friend is one of them...I belong there. I could not have done this without this site and AA. I highly recommend trying it. Everyday you are sober is a milestone. Eventually the guilt and "the whole world is against me" thing goes away. The "poor me" thing goes away. Life is flipping phenomenal!! I hope you find peace soon.

Jennifer

mpr

Keep trying, you can beat it.

kittycat3

Thanks again guys. Your support means more than I can say. Lots of love back to all of you xo!

Soberwolf