Here we go again...
 

I stopped drinking a while back, then my wife got really really sick. I was worried out of my mind. So I did what I always did. I went and bought some booze. I would try to hide it at first. Wait for everyone to fall asleep. Then binge like no tomorrow. Roughly 4 25 oz cans and a pint of vodka a night. Then it just kinda stayed at hat way. Put on 30 lbs. Spending money I don't have to get drunk. I don't like my kids seeing it. Or my wife for that matter. I spent the entire weekend drinking. From noon to about 9 both days. Embarrassed and hung over, I'm back on the sr website. I hate this feeling. Let's give it another go and try to stay with it this time

I think many of us have experienced the very same setbacks at some point, I have myself and after almost 1 year of sobrietry I foolishly drank thinking in some stupid way I can control it, fast forward almost one full year and I'm going to try again starting today, I am fully aware of going cold turkey as I've done it before so I'm trying to taper off if necessary with the goal of sobrietry completely within a few days of gradual decrease of intake.

So I did what I always did.

Tear,
that's it, isn't it? the always-go-to which doesn't "work" any more.

what ways are there for you to see changing to a new "what i always do"?

I'm not sure. I just know something has to change fini

I too thought I could handle it and be ok stoogy . I just gah I don't even know what to say

Welcome back Tear. Were you using any kind of formal plan to stay quit during your last sober stretch? You know you can do it, you just need to figure out how. Have you considered meetings or perhaps rehab/counseling?

I often refer to myself as a "chronic relapse person" and I know I need to get rid of that negative thought I do see it as I am still trying. I have been to this one detox around 7 times and it seemed there were atleast a few frequent flyers everytime. A wonderful clinician would always say she was always happy to see us again not because we used again but because we were still alive and at least doing something about it. I don't share with my family how many times I have relapsed nor do I ever give the amount of time I have sober at that point I feel that people who don't deal with addiction see it as a failure but this is a crazy disease we have I may not have been sober yesterday but I'm going to do what I can to stay sober right now at this moment. Keep on working it I believe you can do this

Welcome back Tear, As you know most of us know how you feel ! When my Mom health started failing , instead of being their & helping my Dad . I too tried to drink the pain away , until she passed . That Beast Lied to me , I will never - Forgive it for what it did to me & my family .
I've heard many say - Wish I had found SR sooner , but I'm here now :)
You can do this , get your tools shinned up - Get to Work :)

I didn't really have a plan Scott. Maybe I just forgot or something. Bleh I may try heading out to a meeting or something today . But I'm so busy I don't know if I could. I leave at % am and get home at 630, and I'd love to spend some time with my family before I get to bed.

When I was starting to sober it was strongly impressed upon me that my #1 priority was not to drink, forget all other things period. If I drink all other things could be easily lost.

I made it a habit of telling myself “If I don’t have the first drink I won’t have to TRY to get sober AGAIN.” I also had to go OFTEN to where I heard that so often.

BE WELL

welcome back tear

there are some great ideas on making a recovery plan here:
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...SMA12-4474.pdf

You can do this

I'm so glad to see you back, Tear. Sorry for all that you've been through. I've fallen back on my old friend for comfort many times. I finally realize it does nothing but prolong the inevitable, & make me more anxious. Keep talking to us, you can do this Tear.