On starting and stopping
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
On starting and stopping
Has anyone here ever thought, after a period of abstaining, that life was more miserable without alcohol, gone back and then changed their mind again?
I am kind of wondering what the advantage to someone like me quitting is, if I have no chance at a good life anyway due to being born with an abusive family and undiagnosed learning disorder. My chances were pretty much shot before I was even out of the gate.
I don't think it always gets better, not for everyone, if you have an issue that can't be treated. There's no treatment for my problem. It doesn't exist.
Please don't over simplify this into an "that's just your av" or, "You're looking for excuses to drink".
Because it is much bigger than little old me drinking myself to death.
I have to wonder, with my limited abilities what will I have to offer myself or anyone else? Nothing. If it were possible, I'd just throw in the towel and get assistance. But leave it to me to have a disorder that is known, but not included in the diagnostic manual, and for which there is no help once you are an adult. I feel too screwed up to work anyway. And frankly I am tired of fighting my way through life with a disorder for which there is no help, no medication, no therapy, nothing.
It is terribly lonely. And difficult. It is really like screaming at a wall.
I am kind of wondering what the advantage to someone like me quitting is, if I have no chance at a good life anyway due to being born with an abusive family and undiagnosed learning disorder. My chances were pretty much shot before I was even out of the gate.
I don't think it always gets better, not for everyone, if you have an issue that can't be treated. There's no treatment for my problem. It doesn't exist.
Please don't over simplify this into an "that's just your av" or, "You're looking for excuses to drink".
Because it is much bigger than little old me drinking myself to death.
I have to wonder, with my limited abilities what will I have to offer myself or anyone else? Nothing. If it were possible, I'd just throw in the towel and get assistance. But leave it to me to have a disorder that is known, but not included in the diagnostic manual, and for which there is no help once you are an adult. I feel too screwed up to work anyway. And frankly I am tired of fighting my way through life with a disorder for which there is no help, no medication, no therapy, nothing.
It is terribly lonely. And difficult. It is really like screaming at a wall.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hi sleepie.
For someone with a learning disorder, you are an excellent writer and have a great way of expressing yourself.
When you describe a condition for which there is no help available, you are almost describing my alcoholism. I was beyond human aid, though many tried to help including many professionals in the field, none could get past my lack of an effective defence against the first drink except by leaking me up.
So I reached this place of desperation, beyond human aid and without hope. I had no religious faith at all. My last remains hope was that maybe the higher power they talked about in AA could help. That took a bit of swallowing. Nobody willing goes down that path. It was just that I had no option.
So I said to myself, if this hp exists and is all powerful, then he/it should be able to do just about anything. Maybe he could help me if I made the effort to follow some simple directions. I recovered.
The thing I needed and was incapable of bringing about was a change in personality sufficient to recover from alcoholism. I never did fix myself, I just concentrated on getting this higher power thing, and the change in me seemed to come about almost in spite of my self.
You are cleverer than you think sleepie but like me, perhaps not clever enough to beat alcoholism without some extra power from somewhere. It was available to me, perhaps you can find it too.
Btw I have seen a lot of people a abstain for a period, including me, and become so miserable that drinking looks attractive. In almost every case it was because we refused to make any effort towards finding this higher power, I.e taking the steps.
For someone with a learning disorder, you are an excellent writer and have a great way of expressing yourself.
When you describe a condition for which there is no help available, you are almost describing my alcoholism. I was beyond human aid, though many tried to help including many professionals in the field, none could get past my lack of an effective defence against the first drink except by leaking me up.
So I reached this place of desperation, beyond human aid and without hope. I had no religious faith at all. My last remains hope was that maybe the higher power they talked about in AA could help. That took a bit of swallowing. Nobody willing goes down that path. It was just that I had no option.
So I said to myself, if this hp exists and is all powerful, then he/it should be able to do just about anything. Maybe he could help me if I made the effort to follow some simple directions. I recovered.
The thing I needed and was incapable of bringing about was a change in personality sufficient to recover from alcoholism. I never did fix myself, I just concentrated on getting this higher power thing, and the change in me seemed to come about almost in spite of my self.
You are cleverer than you think sleepie but like me, perhaps not clever enough to beat alcoholism without some extra power from somewhere. It was available to me, perhaps you can find it too.
Btw I have seen a lot of people a abstain for a period, including me, and become so miserable that drinking looks attractive. In almost every case it was because we refused to make any effort towards finding this higher power, I.e taking the steps.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 438
Well if you insist you have an untreatable disorder and are being only negative about it, I won't preach about the fact you can improve it, even marginally.
Basically you have bad and worse in your case. Your life is bad without alcohol but it's going to be worse with it I assure you. I don't see how adding alcohol would make things better or even the same.
Basically you have bad and worse in your case. Your life is bad without alcohol but it's going to be worse with it I assure you. I don't see how adding alcohol would make things better or even the same.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,378
I did that many many times sleepie - I convinced myself that life drinking was not that bad and at least drinking got me some respite - but that got less and less true every time.
You're dealing with a few things here - not only alcohol but benzo withdrawal too, right?
I know it sucks but this is going to take a little while - there's no short cuts available.
You're definitely heading in the right direction tho - there's no answers for you back the way you came.
D
You're dealing with a few things here - not only alcohol but benzo withdrawal too, right?
I know it sucks but this is going to take a little while - there's no short cuts available.
You're definitely heading in the right direction tho - there's no answers for you back the way you came.
D
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,357
Life really isn't a level playing field is it? It took me a good 6 months before some of the systems in my brain that had been damaged by the alcohol abuse even started to come online again. During that first part of sobriety it was dead air; didn't have my booze to give me a respite and didn't have what normal people do that bring them joy.
It does get better Sleepie. Abusive childhood+mental disorders are not uncommon themes.
It does get better Sleepie. Abusive childhood+mental disorders are not uncommon themes.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I think you are being too hard on yourself. For someone with a learning disorder, you're a brilliant writer. 
Go with your strength. Act as if you don't have a disorder. Make your life count for something. 
Go with your strength. Act as if you don't have a disorder. Make your life count for something. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Thanks gottalife I appreciate that... I don't see it but supposedly this disorder means big deficits in non verbal abilities and more ability in verbal, language etc.
Dee I hope so. The benzo taper is still happening. But when I did this last time it was much better. I know summer and heat always makes me very uncomfortable and ramps up my anxiety badly too. I could just about crawl out of my skin.
Thank you too least and I was typing while people posted sorry!
Dee I hope so. The benzo taper is still happening. But when I did this last time it was much better. I know summer and heat always makes me very uncomfortable and ramps up my anxiety badly too. I could just about crawl out of my skin.
Thank you too least and I was typing while people posted sorry!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by sleepie 
if I have no chance at a good life anyway due to being born with an abusive family and undiagnosed learning disorder. My chances were pretty much shot before I was even out of the gate.
I don't think it always gets better, not for everyone, if you have an issue that can't be treated. There's no treatment for my problem. It doesn't exist
I don't think it always gets better, not for everyone, if you have an issue that can't be treated. There's no treatment for my problem. It doesn't exist
You've quit drinking for six weeks...that is proof that you can overcome a major obstacle. But you have more...and you need to keep working at them. Don't throw your hard work down the drain....because if you think it sucks now....wait till you start drinking again. Today will seem pleasant in memory
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
It sucked for a hell of a long time for me. I think I just new it would suck more with booze so kept going forward sober often wondering why. When I originally quit I was like whatever I'll try it if life doesn't improve I'll just start drinking again or blow my brains out but for some stinking reason I always managed to make 1 painstaking additional day till sooner or later I realized sobriety was better then the alternatives even it sometimes it seemed like not much better
Hang in there maybe your just having some rough days.
Hang in there maybe your just having some rough days.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
If you are fed clothed and free, happiness, or at least satisfaction, is within reach.
I look for role models who have endured adversity with grace. People who find the good in themselves and share it, whether others seem to notice or not.
There are lots of examples. I try to be a little better each day, and remind myself that I'm blessed just to have choices. -which are just chances to practice doing the right thing.
I look for role models who have endured adversity with grace. People who find the good in themselves and share it, whether others seem to notice or not.
There are lots of examples. I try to be a little better each day, and remind myself that I'm blessed just to have choices. -which are just chances to practice doing the right thing.
Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Australia
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by Gottalife
Hi sleepie.
The thing I needed and was incapable of bringing about was a change in personality sufficient to recover from alcoholism. I never did fix myself, I just concentrated on getting this higher power thing, and the change in me seemed to come about almost in spite of my self.
The thing I needed and was incapable of bringing about was a change in personality sufficient to recover from alcoholism. I never did fix myself, I just concentrated on getting this higher power thing, and the change in me seemed to come about almost in spite of my self.
Sleepie, we've all got strengths and weaknesses. I think your "diagnosis" is focused on your weakness. DSM etc is all about sickness/weakness. I say find and focus on your strengths no matter how subtle and watch them grow.
For example, as an experiment, I reckon that if you simply responded to this comment with a simple sentence describing even the subtlest strength that you possess, then you will see this strength start to grow over the next couple of days in weird ways; just because you acknowledged it and wrote it down. It seems to work on the same principle that's dragging you down by obsessing over your "diagnosis".
Now on to something weird, Imma just gonna put this out there. When I think of the higher power, a scene from Lord of the Rings always comes to mind. They are inside the mountain and getting chased by a dragon across a bridge. The bridge becomes broken with only a small section in the middle supported by a pillar. There's no way that anyone could jump across the gap. However, the hero picks up one of the hobbits and jumps across anyway. He couldn't have pre-known what happens next. He just jumped with the faith that something would work out. And low and behold. the middle pillar breaks and falls toward the other side of the gap so the hero can safely jump across.
This dramatic principle of the hero acting on faith seems to be used over and over again in stories. I think its such an important aspect of life. We don't always know what lies around the corner but we need to act as if we know the outcome will be good.
Sleepie, someone/something is looking out for you. Stop drinking and you're gonna find some wonderful things on the other side.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I often think back to when I started getting sober. I see it a whole lot differently in retrospect than it felt as I was going through it. At first, I didn't think I had a problem other than maybe bad luck and habitually driving when I drank. I didn't fancy myself an alcoholic (based upon MY definition, anyway) and I was pretty clear about what I needed to get/feel better:
1. Better judgment when I got behind the wheel.
2. Some additional income to pay my ex-wife off and to be able to take some nice vacations as the stress of work was eating me up.
3. I needed to learn how to better apply myself to accomplish about a dozen or so big tasks that were weighing on my conscience.
4. I need to learn how to forgive myself
5. I needed to convince the ppl in my life of just how difficult my life was to life....that way they'd quit being so darn demanding of me which would, in turn, lighten things up for me a whole bunch so I'd be able to work on #3 above more efficiently.
Anyone who offered advice outside of how to directly combat 1-6 was, in my mind, useless. They didn't understand, they didn't "get" me, and they didn't really have a clue just how badly not accomplishing/completing those things was hurting me. They couldn't comprehend how tough it was to walk a mile in my shoes. Alone? You bettcha I was alone. Nobody "got me."
Long story short, I remember hearing from an AA mentor about how when we recover spiritually that we straighten out mentally and physically. He suggested rather than me attacking 1-6 so hard that instead I focus my attention on "spiritual growth." Long story short, it sounded like one of THE dumbest things I'd ever been told - so I ignored it and wrote that man off as an a religious freak and just another in a long list of ppl who didn't know just how challenging things were for me. Ignore what was hurting me and work on spirituality....ha. What a joke.
Well, I did what I could for quite a while.......till it got so bad in my head that even though it had been over a year since my last drink, I'd frequently find myself wishing I was dead. I didn't have the guts to kill myself but I sure wasn't willing to live however long the rest of my life would be feeling the way I was feeling. Almost out of spite, just to prove to that man he was a kook, I figured I'd try some of that spiritual stuff. I'd tried religion and knew that wasn't something I could pull off but hadn't tried "spiritual living." In the back of my head I wanted to be RIGHT (ie, that nothing would help me - especially not "spiritual growth" whatever that was) more than I wanted to be free of the guilt, shame, hatred, self pity, and so on that I'd lived most of my life with. It was going to be another failed attempt, I was sure, and then I'd have nothing to turn to other than anti depressants and other anti psychotic meds.......because I knew that would be the only thing that would work. Even had a couple doctors backing my theories up, they were the smart ones - I just knew it.
End of story - I was wrong. It wasn't the failures that were killing me, it wasn't 1-6 above that was hurting me....... I mean, those things hurt me but they were just outward manifestations of what was really kicking my butt. See, as an alkie, I also suffered from chronic alcoholism. Chronic in that, drinking or not, I still have it. As such, it permeates all the areas of my life and comes seeps out of me all the time in just about everything I do.....staining and infecting all of it. It was my last-ditch try.....but I figured I'd try this spiritual stuff because I'd heard it works wonders on chronic alkies (even though I was pretty sure I wasn't one).
The amazing part to me was, it worked. And of course I didn't want to do it.....because it didn't make sense to me. I only wanted ppl to tell me what I wanted to hear and to recommend I do the things I'd already determined I wanted to do. I didn't "want" to recovery from alcoholism.....I didn't think I had it. And even if someone could have convinced me I did have it (which came much later), I wouldn't have believed IT had been my source-problem all along. That realization was a hit to my ego - because I hate being wrong....especially about me. Even worse to my false ego......I wasn't alone. Millions of ppl had felt almost exactly the same as I did, thousands and had dealt with almost the same issues I had......and tons of ppl had overcome much worse issues while they were getting sober, but they focused on their recovery 1st (rather than the "issues" and their "wants") and sure enough.....those other issues cleared up for the most part.
I wouldn't have believed that would ever happen for me. I liked feeling like a martyr. I liked feeling "special," even it it meant I was especially handicapped or doomed. I got a sense of satisfaction thinking I was worse off than everyone else. I also enjoyed the ready-made excuse I had when I'd fail....."how couldn't I, you would too if you had these same problems."
Get some recovery......real, honest-to-goodness recovery. Go for the whole deal - which is about 100x more than just "x-days" since your last drink or drug. I'd be willing to bet everything I've got that not almost.......but precisely.....the same thing that happened to me will happen for you.
1. Better judgment when I got behind the wheel.
2. Some additional income to pay my ex-wife off and to be able to take some nice vacations as the stress of work was eating me up.
3. I needed to learn how to better apply myself to accomplish about a dozen or so big tasks that were weighing on my conscience.
4. I need to learn how to forgive myself
5. I needed to convince the ppl in my life of just how difficult my life was to life....that way they'd quit being so darn demanding of me which would, in turn, lighten things up for me a whole bunch so I'd be able to work on #3 above more efficiently.
Anyone who offered advice outside of how to directly combat 1-6 was, in my mind, useless. They didn't understand, they didn't "get" me, and they didn't really have a clue just how badly not accomplishing/completing those things was hurting me. They couldn't comprehend how tough it was to walk a mile in my shoes. Alone? You bettcha I was alone. Nobody "got me."
Long story short, I remember hearing from an AA mentor about how when we recover spiritually that we straighten out mentally and physically. He suggested rather than me attacking 1-6 so hard that instead I focus my attention on "spiritual growth." Long story short, it sounded like one of THE dumbest things I'd ever been told - so I ignored it and wrote that man off as an a religious freak and just another in a long list of ppl who didn't know just how challenging things were for me. Ignore what was hurting me and work on spirituality....ha. What a joke.
Well, I did what I could for quite a while.......till it got so bad in my head that even though it had been over a year since my last drink, I'd frequently find myself wishing I was dead. I didn't have the guts to kill myself but I sure wasn't willing to live however long the rest of my life would be feeling the way I was feeling. Almost out of spite, just to prove to that man he was a kook, I figured I'd try some of that spiritual stuff. I'd tried religion and knew that wasn't something I could pull off but hadn't tried "spiritual living." In the back of my head I wanted to be RIGHT (ie, that nothing would help me - especially not "spiritual growth" whatever that was) more than I wanted to be free of the guilt, shame, hatred, self pity, and so on that I'd lived most of my life with. It was going to be another failed attempt, I was sure, and then I'd have nothing to turn to other than anti depressants and other anti psychotic meds.......because I knew that would be the only thing that would work. Even had a couple doctors backing my theories up, they were the smart ones - I just knew it.
End of story - I was wrong. It wasn't the failures that were killing me, it wasn't 1-6 above that was hurting me....... I mean, those things hurt me but they were just outward manifestations of what was really kicking my butt. See, as an alkie, I also suffered from chronic alcoholism. Chronic in that, drinking or not, I still have it. As such, it permeates all the areas of my life and comes seeps out of me all the time in just about everything I do.....staining and infecting all of it. It was my last-ditch try.....but I figured I'd try this spiritual stuff because I'd heard it works wonders on chronic alkies (even though I was pretty sure I wasn't one).
The amazing part to me was, it worked. And of course I didn't want to do it.....because it didn't make sense to me. I only wanted ppl to tell me what I wanted to hear and to recommend I do the things I'd already determined I wanted to do. I didn't "want" to recovery from alcoholism.....I didn't think I had it. And even if someone could have convinced me I did have it (which came much later), I wouldn't have believed IT had been my source-problem all along. That realization was a hit to my ego - because I hate being wrong....especially about me. Even worse to my false ego......I wasn't alone. Millions of ppl had felt almost exactly the same as I did, thousands and had dealt with almost the same issues I had......and tons of ppl had overcome much worse issues while they were getting sober, but they focused on their recovery 1st (rather than the "issues" and their "wants") and sure enough.....those other issues cleared up for the most part.
I wouldn't have believed that would ever happen for me. I liked feeling like a martyr. I liked feeling "special," even it it meant I was especially handicapped or doomed. I got a sense of satisfaction thinking I was worse off than everyone else. I also enjoyed the ready-made excuse I had when I'd fail....."how couldn't I, you would too if you had these same problems."
Get some recovery......real, honest-to-goodness recovery. Go for the whole deal - which is about 100x more than just "x-days" since your last drink or drug. I'd be willing to bet everything I've got that not almost.......but precisely.....the same thing that happened to me will happen for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Guys?
Can I just say- a learning disorder is not a "bad attitude" or something you obsess over? It's something that is part of you, it's a physical difference that nobody sees as it resides inside your skull. It's not a mental illness. It's an intellectual issue that is very painful to live with and humiliating on many levels and not easy to talk about. Please can you stop and think what a day or a life might be like when your gray matter trips you up in various ways that are always a surprise and the related anxiety disorders that accompany that lifestyle?
Please try and understand.
This is not a pity party. This is real. It hurts and it's been a long and difficult life, and also one without the advantage of a caring family.
And though attention was brought to this disorder as a child, it was ignored. So that's not easy and not very relatable to most people, ok?
I've done my best to explain here.
I'm very tired and have to go now.
Can I just say- a learning disorder is not a "bad attitude" or something you obsess over? It's something that is part of you, it's a physical difference that nobody sees as it resides inside your skull. It's not a mental illness. It's an intellectual issue that is very painful to live with and humiliating on many levels and not easy to talk about. Please can you stop and think what a day or a life might be like when your gray matter trips you up in various ways that are always a surprise and the related anxiety disorders that accompany that lifestyle?
Please try and understand.
This is not a pity party. This is real. It hurts and it's been a long and difficult life, and also one without the advantage of a caring family.
And though attention was brought to this disorder as a child, it was ignored. So that's not easy and not very relatable to most people, ok?
I've done my best to explain here.
I'm very tired and have to go now.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,378
I understand that some posts upset you, but I don't think anyone here was trying to downplay your disorder sleepie.
I guarantee you that not drinking will make things better.
Maybe not today or next week but it will happen.
noone expects an overnight struck by lightning change...it took me a long time to challenge all those negative ideas I had about myself, and longer still to find peace with the stuff I couldn't change....
but attitude really is everything.
It's reasonable for anyone - including you Sleepie - to hope for a life that you're happy with, regardless of what other problems, you might have
D
I guarantee you that not drinking will make things better.
Maybe not today or next week but it will happen.
noone expects an overnight struck by lightning change...it took me a long time to challenge all those negative ideas I had about myself, and longer still to find peace with the stuff I couldn't change....
but attitude really is everything.
It's reasonable for anyone - including you Sleepie - to hope for a life that you're happy with, regardless of what other problems, you might have
D
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Yep, Dee's right. I ABSOLUTELY wasn't trying to downplay your issues. What I was suggesting, in a roundabout way, is precisely what you did in your reply - that you not focus on what you're so sure differentiates you.
I was suggesting, just from my own experience - which you're free to completely disregard if you'd like Sleepie - is that old story of the two wolves in a fight. American Indians used to tell about two wolves inside all of us. One good, one bad, and they're fighting to get control of us. Which dog wins? The one I feed.
When I constantly "fed" all my problems by connnnnnstantly devoting all my attention to them........the dominated me and I rarely got free. When I instead took some intelligent measure to address them but then focused the bulk of my attention not on what makes me different, or worse, or disadvantaged but on recovery......I came out the other end free of many of those issues that had forever been kicking my butt.
My AA grand-sponsr has been in a wheelchair for close to 40 years. It's a reality for him. Colostomy bags, can't have sex, has to wheel that chair through the snow in the winter time, used to weigh 300+ pounds and how are you supposed to exercise at a gym when you're stuck in a wheelchair...... He has a 100 things against him just because of that damn chair he's in. He talks about it all the time - when he focused on that chair, his problems, how screwed he was........ that was the reality he created for himself. Not only that, there was no other possible reality and he was doomed to live a crappy life - not because that's the way life IS but because that's the way he had been choosing to live it. What I'm saying to you is that even WITH your documented disadvantages..........a fabulous life IS possible. I'd even go so far to say it's guaranteed. The problem isn't the problems......it's your focus.
that......or I'm just completely off base. You're free to choose what you'd like to believe about me, just as you're free to choose (and live) the life you'd like to have from this moment on.
I was suggesting, just from my own experience - which you're free to completely disregard if you'd like Sleepie - is that old story of the two wolves in a fight. American Indians used to tell about two wolves inside all of us. One good, one bad, and they're fighting to get control of us. Which dog wins? The one I feed.
When I constantly "fed" all my problems by connnnnnstantly devoting all my attention to them........the dominated me and I rarely got free. When I instead took some intelligent measure to address them but then focused the bulk of my attention not on what makes me different, or worse, or disadvantaged but on recovery......I came out the other end free of many of those issues that had forever been kicking my butt.
My AA grand-sponsr has been in a wheelchair for close to 40 years. It's a reality for him. Colostomy bags, can't have sex, has to wheel that chair through the snow in the winter time, used to weigh 300+ pounds and how are you supposed to exercise at a gym when you're stuck in a wheelchair...... He has a 100 things against him just because of that damn chair he's in. He talks about it all the time - when he focused on that chair, his problems, how screwed he was........ that was the reality he created for himself. Not only that, there was no other possible reality and he was doomed to live a crappy life - not because that's the way life IS but because that's the way he had been choosing to live it. What I'm saying to you is that even WITH your documented disadvantages..........a fabulous life IS possible. I'd even go so far to say it's guaranteed. The problem isn't the problems......it's your focus.
that......or I'm just completely off base. You're free to choose what you'd like to believe about me, just as you're free to choose (and live) the life you'd like to have from this moment on.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
"Please can you stop and think what a day or a life might be like when your gray matter trips you up in various ways that are always a surprise..."
I see this regularly, Sleepie.
My husband has an "untreatable" disorder as a result of his mother drinking while pregnant with him. He grew up in a violently abusive alcoholic family. He has mild brain damage resulting in cognitive, memory and learning difficulties. He spent most of his life undiagnosed and misunderstood, seeming normal enough to "fall through the cracks", and not getting the help/understanding he needed. His condition is known as an invisible disablility. People like him need an "external brain", someone around to step in when his brain doesn't cooperate. I try to head things off, but there are always surprises with him. It is a lonely life.
In spite of this, he's managed to turn his life around when a close call involving alcohol amost ended him up in prison. He is one of the people I admire most in the world, because he never stops trying and although he gets very frustrated at times, he doesn't let his difficulties get him down for very long. He also has strengths that make up for for his difficulties (everyone does), such as being musically talented, funny, an excellent memory for faces even though he has general memory problems, he's good with animals, children and elderly people, a very hard worker and loyal to those he loves.
My point is, that in seeing what he has managed to accomplish in his life in spite of everything he's been through and the obstacles he faces, I know there are people in this world that are able to tap into something that helps them to keep on going in the face of seeminingly insurmountable problems.
You can do it too. Keep on trying and don't give up and don't rule out the encouragement and advice you've be offered here. In spite of your disorder, I believe it can still be of value to you. One day at a time, you can overcome this.
I see this regularly, Sleepie.
My husband has an "untreatable" disorder as a result of his mother drinking while pregnant with him. He grew up in a violently abusive alcoholic family. He has mild brain damage resulting in cognitive, memory and learning difficulties. He spent most of his life undiagnosed and misunderstood, seeming normal enough to "fall through the cracks", and not getting the help/understanding he needed. His condition is known as an invisible disablility. People like him need an "external brain", someone around to step in when his brain doesn't cooperate. I try to head things off, but there are always surprises with him. It is a lonely life.
In spite of this, he's managed to turn his life around when a close call involving alcohol amost ended him up in prison. He is one of the people I admire most in the world, because he never stops trying and although he gets very frustrated at times, he doesn't let his difficulties get him down for very long. He also has strengths that make up for for his difficulties (everyone does), such as being musically talented, funny, an excellent memory for faces even though he has general memory problems, he's good with animals, children and elderly people, a very hard worker and loyal to those he loves.
My point is, that in seeing what he has managed to accomplish in his life in spite of everything he's been through and the obstacles he faces, I know there are people in this world that are able to tap into something that helps them to keep on going in the face of seeminingly insurmountable problems.
You can do it too. Keep on trying and don't give up and don't rule out the encouragement and advice you've be offered here. In spite of your disorder, I believe it can still be of value to you. One day at a time, you can overcome this.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
No one knows what it is like to walk a mile in your shoes, Sleepie.
We do know what it is like to be alcoholics. As others have observed, we need time to get better. You need to give yourself time, too.
That's not a rose-colored glasses view of life after alcoholism. It's a basic truth that applies to all of us.
I came across a quote that may help you. It is from Michael J. Fox:
“One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.”
It is true that Michael has advantages most of us don't. However, the advantages he may have in some respects don't change the fact that his body is turning against him, taking away things many of us take for granted. And, because his condition is degenerative, more shall be deprived of him at an increasing rate.
But his observation about dignity is one from which all of us can choose to take inspiration, one all of us can take to heart. I hope that's what you'll do, because your dignity belongs to you.
What you choose to do with it is up to you. You've asked difficult questions about your condition and it would be heartless of us not to have empathy for you. Yours is a higher mountain to climb. But choosing to honor your dignity -- honoring yourself -- is something that will grow more reachable if you choose to continue in your sobriety.
We do know what it is like to be alcoholics. As others have observed, we need time to get better. You need to give yourself time, too.
That's not a rose-colored glasses view of life after alcoholism. It's a basic truth that applies to all of us.
I came across a quote that may help you. It is from Michael J. Fox:
“One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.”
It is true that Michael has advantages most of us don't. However, the advantages he may have in some respects don't change the fact that his body is turning against him, taking away things many of us take for granted. And, because his condition is degenerative, more shall be deprived of him at an increasing rate.
But his observation about dignity is one from which all of us can choose to take inspiration, one all of us can take to heart. I hope that's what you'll do, because your dignity belongs to you.
What you choose to do with it is up to you. You've asked difficult questions about your condition and it would be heartless of us not to have empathy for you. Yours is a higher mountain to climb. But choosing to honor your dignity -- honoring yourself -- is something that will grow more reachable if you choose to continue in your sobriety.
Trying to Enjoy Life Now
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Sittin' on the dock of the bay
Posts: 275
Hey Sleepie,
I read your posts (and all others) all the time but don't often say much because I'm not the most articulate person when it comes to expressing feelings. I have a question and I'm asking sincerely because I simply don't know the answer and think it may help as an avenue for recovery if you haven't tried it yet.
Are you pursing any hobbies or dreams?
I don't want to go into a whole lot of detail but I went thru a period of my life where I was in intense training in the military. When I finished I didn't know what to do what myself so I started filling that void with booze. I had alcohol problems before that, and during quiet frankly, but keeping busy and having a purpose kept it in check. When I was just working and surviving is when I fell deep and alcohol took me over.
I love dogs so I got involved with the ASPCA. Boxer dogs to be particular.
Started teaching and taking self defense classes. Stuff like that.
All I'm saying is that if hobbies and side interests aren't part of your life it may be a problem. If I'm off base here I'm sorry. Just trying to add insight. It hurts me when I see other people hurt.
Just something to consider if it's not a part of your life. It's helped me and many others in recovery.
I read your posts (and all others) all the time but don't often say much because I'm not the most articulate person when it comes to expressing feelings. I have a question and I'm asking sincerely because I simply don't know the answer and think it may help as an avenue for recovery if you haven't tried it yet.
Are you pursing any hobbies or dreams?
I don't want to go into a whole lot of detail but I went thru a period of my life where I was in intense training in the military. When I finished I didn't know what to do what myself so I started filling that void with booze. I had alcohol problems before that, and during quiet frankly, but keeping busy and having a purpose kept it in check. When I was just working and surviving is when I fell deep and alcohol took me over.
I love dogs so I got involved with the ASPCA. Boxer dogs to be particular.
Started teaching and taking self defense classes. Stuff like that.All I'm saying is that if hobbies and side interests aren't part of your life it may be a problem. If I'm off base here I'm sorry. Just trying to add insight. It hurts me when I see other people hurt.
Just something to consider if it's not a part of your life. It's helped me and many others in recovery.
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