courage2

Someone -- bimini? probably -- has me thinking about surrender.

Did you have to surrender something to quit drinking? What?

If you've been sober for a while, what do you still surrender?

dwtbd

i gave up drinking , I didn't surrender anything.
Never quite understood the concept of surrender in any connotation in relation to stopping drinking and ending an addiction. Perhaps that's just me, but surrender , to me, implies a begrudgingly willful act of dispossession of a value. I don't/didn't give up any real values living a sober life, it's actually the exact opposite.

Aellyce

I don't think I surrendered anything per se. I needed to accept that I have an alcohol problem and that a lot of things had to change in order to resolve it. I never thought though that I should (or could) give up being my own person and being primarily responsible for my recovery. It is possible that I don't quite comprehend aspects of this surrender thing in relation to recovery, but it's been working so far so I don't question my approach. What I did (and do) admit though is that I need external help and support, but still my actions have been primarily guided by my decisions, often using guidance from more experienced and trusted others in order to really get from A to B and so on. Not sure that counts as surrendering? Don't know. I certainly had to give up many dysfunctional behaviors and desires to remain sober.

Holds1325

I've had to surrender my ego, seriously or else I'd be drinking now.

This whole time while quitting alcohol and trying to live a better life I kept trying on my own thinking I can figure this out, I can figure anything out! Well I sort of did figure out that I can't figure it out because I've never been where I am right now. I had to surrender my ego and get help because honestly I know some people probably have the strength to get through it on their own and really, kudos to them! However, without my family and friends and God I could not do this even though I want to close up and act like I can.

I think with drinking I acquired this selfish ego so really in order to quit I have to surrender that over and allow myself to get the help I need in order to beat this, also to make it more easier on myself as well.

SoberLeigh

I used the phrase 'moment of surrender' just this morning in my above post made in response to a thread opened by Waterox.

I had to surrender to the 'side' of myself that thought I could successfully continue drinking. I gave up nothing of value, though, and that defining moment (although I was incapable of seeing it then) was a triumphant one.

Verte

Courage, this is a really interesting question that I was just thinking about today. In a way. When I consider what I have surrendered in the last year and a half, I would say that I have mostly surrendered my tight grip on what and how things should be and should have been.

Much like when Dee recommends that we release our grip from the throats of those who have done us wrong. I have surrendered my grip and allowed reality to be just that...reality. I have thereby freed myself from believing that I have control over changing the reality of the past. Freed myself from the pattern of fighting for control over elements of the future.

Acknowledging that I have a problem with alcohol declares that I had a large part in bailing out what was a continuously sinking ship. Holding on tight enough was never going to right the wrongs. I just let go and let the darn boat sink. My muscles do not ache as much and the waves continue to roll.

D122y

I read it here, and I use it now as a term to ease the stress of fighting my alcoholism. I use it like this.... Surrender to sobriety.

Seems to me a calming way to approach my addiction.

Fly N Buy

Spoiler alert........

I realize this thread is under Alcoholism and not 12 step, but my experience with surrendering in relation to sobriety is indeed from a 12 step program.

"We have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even alcohol."
pg 84

As surrender relates to the program we learn one of the AA paradox's is we surrender to win. We've all heard this many times in or out of the rooms - I wondered what it really meant.

The word surrender is not in the book except in the stories of other interestingly enough.

When I quit, I surrendered to the thoughts of perhaps not drinking for a while when I walked into the rooms. It was either that or at some point surrender to the police I am quite certain.

I was willing to at least surrender some of my time and some of my will by listening and maybe learning from others how they garnered some sobriety.

Surrendering now is simply to the will of my HP more each day. It is not easy because I am still a very sick person - probably always will be. But I will say the pall of this world does not matter as much as it once did for me. Maybe that is a result of surrendering or just a season in life.

In the chapter a "Vision for You" the word capitulated is used - pg 160 -

"Impressed by those who visited him at the hospital, he capitulated entirely when, later, in an upper room of this house, he heard the story of some man whose experience closely tallied with his own. The expression on the faces of the women, that indefinable something in the eyes of the men, the stimulating and electric atmosphere of the place, conspired to let him know that here was haven at last.

The exactness of the where the room was - The upper room - is obviously biblical and relates what we need to do. Surrender to the God of our understanding and stop trying to run the show for everyone in our lives. The promise is if we do this along with a few simple rules, we can be like Eutychus in the bible who fell out of the window of the upper room and died, but Paul brought back to life.

This was a novel concept in my life not having to be the director. Surrender to win! I kind of like that, today. I am in no way suggesting this is a passive action. Quite the opposite in my experience - just expend focused, directly energy in other areas, mostly.

Bird615

I can relate to the comments referring to control and ego. I surrendered the idea of control-- that my own will could overcome my alcoholism, that I have control over people, places and things or that I have all the answers. I gave up fighting and got my freedom and my life back.

NestWasEmpty

All I can come up with in regards to Surrender is I gave up fighting with alcohol everyday . I won the fight & walked away

Dee74

surrender is a word that never sits easily with me - its an inadequate word for what I did because it only conveys half the story...

The word acceptance fits much better - I accepted the reality...I gave up on some old dreams, and I gained a lot of new ones

D

Venecia

Thanks, Courage. This has been an interesting topic for me, too.

Verte's analogy is a good one. I stopped bailing water on a sinking ship and found myself a different boat.

trachemys

I think Cheap Trick said it best: "Surrender, but don't give yourself away."

RogerD

For me, I woke up one morning and suddenly realized i wasn't in control of my drinking anymore. For years I was running the show, lying to myself... You don't have a problem, you're not an alcoholic, if you were an alcoholic you wouldn't have such a good job, you wouldn't exercise, etc.

It was startling. It was like I lost, and I'm still working on the fact that I can't drink. Basically, I have to surrender to that understanding. My sobriety is a process. It always will be

silentrun

Darn! Trach beat me to it.
My experience was a lot like Roger's. I was pretty much clueless to how bad it has gotten. For me it was more like the delusion broke and the moment of terror.

zjw

I dont have anything to add other then a lot of well said stuff.

I think a big surrendinger moment for me was when i realized some of my problems where out of my control. I had to surrender them quit trying to control what i could not control and start trying to control what i could control. I guess this taught me the whole living life on lifes terms thing. It was freeing and liberating at that point. But even now I have to remind myself I can control me and my actions and such but i cant sit here and try and control every other darn thing. Learning to just allow things to be is a big thing for me. Lots of stuff is just best left to be.

esinger

To me I think I was surrendering before I abstained. Surrendering my health, my family relations, my dignity and my hard earned cash all for a mind numbing stupid compulsion. I might have had to lose some long term unhealthy relations but that is just cleaning house. I don't think I had to surrender. Just the opposite actually. I had to gain the courage to fight my own internal battle.

courage2

I get that, dwtbd. Thanks. By the time I quit, I really didn't have any values to dispossess myself of. So that's not what I surrendered. I had a giant lie, I guess. See below.

Amen, brother! (sister?)

I think at first, at the first quit, surrender was the biggest part of it for me. I gave up. I was defeated by my own alcoholism. I couldn't live as a drunk, and I couldn't not drink. I put up my hands and said, that's it, shoot me, it's got to be better than this. I gave up my drug of choice and at the same time I surrendered the pretense that I cared about anything but drinking. It was like a giant furball of delusion stuck in my throat that I had to cough up or choke to death on.

Still some fallacies of alcoholic thinking persist and return.

Here are more questions --
1) most people didn't answer, If you've been sober for a while, what if anything do you think you still surrender -- that is, if you're a surrender-er?

2) Or if you're an accepter, what is it you accept?

Gilmer

I surrender my wayward will every day to a moral code that will keep me from torpedoing myself.

I've been surrendering a long time. It's not so bitter when I compare it to the sort of "autonomy" I used to choose for myself.

silentrun

Accept is a word I identify with more. When I quit it was more a flight or fight oh **** response so to say surrender isn't accurate. I freaking made a run for it. I accept that my drinking days are over. I'm ok with that too.