biminiblue

C2, I said surrender in the context of your having difficulties returning to writing. You said it is painful and brings with it crippling fear.

I think if that is what is coming up, I would go with that...until it is all out on paper/computer. If something is blocking me, I absolutely have to surrender it. I have to get it out of me.

I used to not be able to talk about my father, who had betrayed me (according to younger me) and then who had died on my 16th birthday before we had healed the relationship. For 20 years, I couldn't talk about him without breaking down. Anger, sadness, hurt, regret, fear, loss, all were wrapped so tightly in my chest that I couldn't even talk about him. I had to get it out. I had to talk it out - or in my case I wrote about it, privately. It was pretty excruciating, until I had it out. Then it was okay.

I'm saying, if your writing is that painful for you, keep writing until the block is removed. (From your chest and from your muse.)

The way to heal it is to go through it. Surrender the control of trying to write without it being painful. For some reason, it needs to be painful right now. Something needs to be revealed.

Dee74

I answered in the context of drinking and recovery cos there's still a mountain of stuff I don't accept outside that, lol.

I'm better at knowing when to withdraw from something, or when to leave things tho, so I guess thats an acceptance that there are some things I have no power over

D

Aellyce

That I will never drink alcohol and will most likely need to pay attention to my motives to maintain life-long sobriety (including not developing new addictions). That this is not some sort of sacrifice, but healthy self-care and responsibility. I prefer not to complicate it more than that.

I don't know the details of your problems with writing, but I also need to write a lot for work and sometimes have blocks and procrastination tendencies. I developed these mostly while drinking heavily, but looking at it honestly in sobriety, there were signs also earlier. I figured for me it's mainly due to classic creative block or anxiety -- can be both fears of failure or fears of success. What I've learned (and it needs regular reinforcement) is not to wait for any kind of special inspiration, confidence or mood -- just do it, get into it whether I like or not. Most typically my fears and avoidance vanish once I'm in the task. So in this context, surrendering my anxiety is not a bad concept.

courage2

I'm not trying to direct this to writing or, actually, to me in particular. If anyone wants to talk about writing, go to the Writing Sober thread -- or start another one. This thread is posted under alcoholism. And it's about anyone who cares to post.

What's amazing is that no one's posting that they need to surrender or accept or give up or fight every day or nearly every day. Not urges to drink, but jesus mary & joseph, I have 1000 alcoholic mindsets and fallacies that lurk in there waiting to undermine me. You don't live 35 years a drunk and not build up some pretty bad habits Y'all make it sound like once you quit, aside from a little arthritis, your attitudes are 100% healthy. Based on the former drunks I know personally, that sounds fishy to me

Here's a surrender -- if you invite me to your house, I'll examine the insides of your medicine cabinet, and I wouldn't put it past myself to steal a few pills if you're well-stocked and they look interesting. There, I lay that down for you. Now maybe I won't do it.

Come out of the woodwork, nasty buggers!

Dee74

I'm not a saint - if you look at my scooter thread you'll find clear evidence of something I find hard to accept....

I just don't feel the need to rehash that today tho

D

Tooshabby

Oh that's hilarious. I thought I was the only nasty bugger that checked other people's medicine cabinets :-D

biminiblue

Wait.

You wanted examples of surrenders other than alcohol.

The "Writing Sober" thread is where this all started. I PMed you something about surrender with regards to writing, and you used my name in the OP of this thread. You're making this way too complicated.

Look, this whole thing was directed at me saying, "surrender."

I get to explain when someone calls my name in a forum post, K?



As you have said many times, you don't get to tell people what to post in any given thread. Geez, you can't have it both ways.

Gilmer

Yes, there's a higher good I know I need to surrender to. I try every day--and fail.

I know I have a choice and it's not impossible to choose correctly--but I cave over and over again.

Tooshabby

But you're trying, Gilmer. How wonderful is that?

I can associate quitting drinking with surrender in the sense that I think I need to surrender to feeling any given, crappy way in whatever circumstance and not dull those feelings with alcohol. I've been reticent on this thread though because I have not as yet had very much success at it. I think that is one thing I need to surrender to, however, if I read your question correctly.

PasserbyDave

Yep, it was the big old ego I had built up to make my way through the social world that developed a voice of it's own and told me things like "Go ahead, you deserve a drink." I had to find strength in my "higher self" - the true me - to become master over my ego and stop drinking.

courage2

You're sure right about that! And I hope you're not mad at me as you sound -- or read, reading is hard to tell. I didn't want this thread to be about me, but as you say, I can't control that, and it wasn't likely polite of me to name you (or give you credit, as I saw it). I surrender to all your points.

Me & my bright ideas
The rest of the world

Fly N Buy

Sometimes I will still surrender to resentments - I am bad about letting others hang out in my head without paying any rent at all........ There are posts here that remind me of that, thanks!

So I suppose surrender is both good and bad for me.

JeffreyAK

I surrendered my chains and shackles, and accepted that I'm vastly more powerful than I would ever have imagined when my brain was pickled by alcohol.

silentrun

I don't know about 100% healthy. I shoot for more often then not. Right now I seem to be going with the flow. Like you said after 35 years you pick up some nasty habits. It takes time to undo the web. I wouldn't go after somebody's pills but leave a bottle of JD on the counter long enough and.... I accept that I shouldn't keep alcohol in the house. I accept I am not invincible.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdmIhCkp3p4

Dee74

Tooshabby

Om.g.....the ending to that tune is inhuman! Exquisite :-)

courage2

Thx Dee -- that was lovely. Now I have to go listen to every version of that tune on youtube.

esinger

I am curious what is an alcoholic mindset once you remove the alcohol? Bad habits and misguided thinking are part of human nature. I don't believe we can keep blaming them on alcohol once the alcohol is removed from the equation although it may be convenient. I have all kinds of issues that I've struggled with but needed the clarity of sobriety to address them. Most of these had nothing to do with drinking other than using it to cope with dysfunction. If we seek perfection then we are probably in for a long struggle. So I guess I do have to surrender or accept the fact that I'm human and not perfect but I no longer have to drink over it.

Angelsmiln

This struck a nerve with me "surrender". I feel like I've been fighting the consequences of my actions. I find myself being frustrated with having to go to meetings, group therapy, UAs, having to call everyday to see if my number came up, having to check in with my PO? When will I surrender and just accept this is my life due to my addiction? When will I truly realize, feel with all my soul, that this was probably the best thing to happen? That I'd probably be dead or close to it? And that the "forced" help will probably be the key component in staying sober....

courage2

Not speaking for anyone else, but I have some bad habits and misguided thinking that are particularly related to longterm drug and alcohol abuse. Like that thing about medicine cabinets -- and in doctors' office too -- I always have my eyes peeled for a stray prescription pad. I have a lot of mistrust that comes from hanging out with alcoholics and drug abusers -- including my parents. I have terrible self-control, and I tend to look for quick fixes even when I know I'll regret them later.