WaterOx

I'm so sick of this. I'm so sick of drinking and feeling like ****. It's been 7 years now since a day hasn't gone by without me drinking.

As of Monday night I quietly got fed up and, if you can believe this, in the past 24 hours I have been to 5 AA meetings. I just couldn't be alone with this.

As per the usual course of events, I am scared but not as scared as I thought I'd be. Part of me feels relieved. Some say you can never be ready- but I think if you're lucky enough you will really feel ready. I've never felt more ready in my life. I'm so sick of drinking. I want my health back, I want my life back.

If you told me just a week ago that this would happen I would have laughed- least of all the AA meetings. I could barely think to myself that I was an alcoholic, much less say it out loud to a group of people.

But what a relief it's been. I can't express that.

I don't know what's going to happen. All I know is this **** hasn't been working. I feel like I've been numb for 7 years. I don't want to look back another 30 years from now and wonder what happened. I feel I've done that enough.

I'm going to another AA meeting tomorrow morning and probably again after work.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

Dee74

I felt a great sense of relief when I stopped...regardless of how scared I was to quit I was actually far more terrified for myself if I did not quit.

I resolved I'd stay sober or die trying.

8 years on, I'm still not dead

Great decision waterox

D

dox

Wow.
5 meetings in 24 hours!
If only that were possible for every alcoholic everywhere.
Still, I'm grateful that I can get to one a day if I feel the need.

Well done, Waterox.
No half measures for you.
It will get better if you keep coming back.

VDGS

Outstanding! AA can be pretty amazing.

Good luck and post updates often.

MIRecovery

Go to as many meetings as you need and don't drink in between meetings. This formula worked for me

happybeingme

Welcome to the club. Like you the day I started my journey I had no idea I was going to be quitting. I simply woke one morning to realize I had hit my bottom and surrendered. My only real fear was quitting drinking and nothing getting better. So, I made sure that things did. I got help and support from an online forum. It has been more than four years now. Still grateful everyday I am alive and sober.

Hope2014

You can do this!!

aasharon90

I rode on the coattails of many members
who learned how to remain sober for a
many one days at a time to get them where
they are in life today. Happy, honest, healthy.

Those folks paved the way for me and others
to follow with willingness, openmindedness
to do whatever it takes to learn to remain sober.

Each day I didn't drink, I listened, learned,
absorbed and applied new lessons to my
everyday life.

Once I learned how not to pick up a
drink of poison to solve my daily problems,
I learned how to accept life on lifes terms.
Accepting people, places and things just
as they are suppose to be because I have
no control over them.

Some lessons in life are hard to accept,
but the key is acceptance and nothing
more.

The work I put into my recovery is the
pay off of receiving the PROMISES as
gifts as stated in the Big Book of AA.
Those gifts are not just written to laugh
at but for us to be grateful for.

Living life in recovery has become my
journey in life. A life where alcohol is
not a part of. Alcohol, a poison that nearly
took me from this life.

A program of recovery was taught to
me 25 yrs ago and I have lived it one
day at a time to get me where I am today.
Healthy, Happy, Honest, blessed, grateful.

My journey continues on today as
I give back, pass on, all the knowledge
of learning how to remain sober one
day at a time passed on to me to others
either still struggling with addiction
or just coming into recovery.

I cant keep the gifts of the Promises
to enjoy and appreciate for myself If
I don't pass on what ive learned.

'Passing It On' is the hope that if I can
remain sober like many others have
one day at a time incorporating tool
and knowledge of a recovery program
taught to us yrs ago then so can you.

Keep It Simple and Follow Directions

courage2

Good job, Waterox! You do what it takes. I never did 5 in a day but I did 3 and bit my nails in between. Ride out the bad parts in the company of people who know what it's like.

((Ox))

WaterOx

Thank you everyone. Yes I know it's a lot. Part of the reason I drink so much is because I have very flexible hours and in some cases more time on my hands than some people.

That's the irony. The last couple of years I have gotten a lot of what I wanted in life, that includes building my business and moving to a location I've always wanted to live in. With all that came more money and freedom than I've ever had (fyi: I never had very much LOL!) but with that, I began drinking more than ever.

Just when things are going their best, I'm drinking the most?? Give me a break. I can't even explain it away anymore. I'm out of excuses. Now, what's more, people actually depend on me. I actually work in the healthcare field, too. Can you believe that?

I'm so sick of imagining all of them finding out. I have felt like such a hypocrite for so long. Just yesterday for the first time I caught my reflection in the mirror and felt good about it. I used to think that cheesy stuff only happened in the movies but I get it now.

zjw

good post and congrats!

yeah sometimes there is just that moment in life were the switch gets thrown and the lights turn on and we for whatever reason do a 360.

it happens. I sobered up but then at a certain point i was like what am i doing i'm so obese so unhealty i smoke so dang much why what for i cant keep doing this BAM all the walls came tumbling down.

ScottFromWI

For me personally, I had to accept that I drank so much simply because I was an alcoholic. It's easy to find reasons, "triggers", or excuses as to why we drink - but at the end of the day we simply drink because we are alcholics. I drank when I was busy. I drank when I had spare time. I drank when it was hot. I drank when it was cold. I drank to celebrate. I drank when I was sad. I drank.

Sounds like you've made some great insight into your problem, just remember that the key is accepting the problem for what it really is...that opens the door to recovery.

Soberwolf

Congrats SR is here 24h a day 365 days per year you don't have to be alone with it no more

aasharon90

I use to feel ashamed that I wasn't in
that "normal" category as others are,
those that could drink without consequences.

Why was I born an alcoholic?

It took time to learn about alcoholism
and its affects on me, my mind, body
and soul and not to compare myself
to anyone else.

I learned that I am not alone in this
illness, sickness, disease, whatever
you want to call it. That there are
many out there in the world suffering
with addiction.

Many have found the solution, knowledge,
tools to use to keep it at bay, dormant, asleep,
one day at a time using a program of recovery
designed for us to use to incorporate in all
areas of our life.

Im not as unique as I thought I was. Im
just like many many others who found
this awesome solution to living in recovery.

Today I realize that, for me, it is important
to be responsible in recovery. Responsible
for my own healthy, wealth, welfare etc.

I cant keep quiet about what I have learned
about my addiction. It is important to me to
be one more voice to pass on what was so
freely passed on to me over the years about
living life as an alcoholic in recovery to
others looking for answers on how to not
pick up a drink of alcohol one day at a time.

If I don't speak, share, pass it on, then
how are the newcomers, those still
suffering will ever know how to live
life without numbing themselves, killing
themselves, poisoning themselves with
alcohol or drugs?

Today I have a quiet confidence within
myself. More humble than I use to be
about my illness and how to live alcohol
free using a program of recovery taught
to me 25 yrs ago.

A 'quiet confidence' to me sounds
pretty empowering.

Each day, each step I make moving
forward in my recovery journey, I
am no longer embarrassed or silent
about my illness that nearly took me
too soon.

Today I Am Responsible.

SoberLeigh

Well done, Waterox.

I remember my moment of surrender as if it was yesterday - wine glass in hand ready to begin my nightly over-indulgence; I was suddently overcome with exhaustion, frustration, grief, despair and defeat; I put the glass down, hung my head, cried and repeated "enough, enough, enough" over and over and over. I had no plan, no ideas - absolutely nothing - I just knew that I was done.

That moment was devastating but, little did I know, that the seed to an exponentially better of way of living began to germinate in that excruciating moment.

Here's to your 'exponentially better way', Waterox.

Berrybean

Well done. That sounds amazing.

Rivelino

Well done Waterox, great decision.

Anna

I'm glad you're taking action.

Dharma33

Great work, Waterox!!! Thanks for posting, and I think going to all of those meetings is fantastic. You are doing whatever it takes.

ItWillBeWorthIt

Welcome Water... happy to hear you are taking the step needed seriously, that will help you to never pick up again. Don't ever take the first sip/drink... then you will never take the 10th drink -- do it one day at a time. Work on your recovery, don't get complacent, don't think you can moderate, make positive changes in your life.

You will love living in a sober world -- so many excellent aspects of it.

Wishing you the very best... stay close to SR Sober Recovery you will get a lot of support here as well as AA. Great job on 5 meetings in 24 hours.