Ainz

Hi folks,
I've just joined the forum and I'm reading through a lot of posts. It is comforting to read other people's stories and I can totally relate to a lot of what people are saying.

I'm 4 days sober, it's not much I know but it feels huge to me. But already doubts, excuses and justifications for just having 1 are creeping in.

I've been an alcoholic probably since I was 13, I'm 30 now.. I justified it in the past by saying, well I have a problem but I'm highly functioning, I have a job, house, partner etc. I can't be that bad.. But I'm often a horrible,nasty,hurtful person when I'm drunk.. Often I don't even remember, and a few times I've even been violent. When Sober.. I'd do anything for anyone and wouldn't hurt a fly. It's probably the only reason my partner has stuck by me.

What's scaring me the most is that I can't imagine what life is going to be like without it. I'm already panicking about going out for dinner with workmates, then my birthday, and then about x-mas, then my holiday next year!.etc etc.
I've drank pretty much 5 days a week 1-2 bottles of wine since I can remember and A LOT more on other occasions.. I don't know who I am without it. I tried to control it but as soon as I have 1 drink it's like it starts off a chain reaction of drinking that I just cannot control.

I feel I've reached a turning point in that I desperately want to sober As we want to start a family. But I don't want to be a mum who drinks like this. I've been depressed with drinking for so long that when I'm not working Im drinking or sleeping all day and have put on so much weight due to the alcohol.

I tried AA in the past and I felt it actually made my drinking worse. Went for counselling which helped a bit. I'm considering hypnosis, has anyone tried this?

Does anyone have any advice. I don't know what to do with myself or how to help myself keep on track? I actually feel scared.

Any advice greatly appreciated.
Thank you all

zjw

take it one day at a time and try not to overthink it. You express a lot of concerns IE how will you get through holidays and your birthday and nights out with friends. Dont even worry about any of that right now. Just focus on not drinking and cross those bridges when you get to them.

It is hard for me it felt like my best friend had died or like I lost a limb. I felt lost and alone without booze. I climbed the walls I had no idea what to do with myself if i was not drinking. How anyone could possibly live without drinking was unfathamable to me and down right stupid and insane. Now I cant imagine why i'd wanna spend my life drinking.

as time goes on these concers ease. you get through a holiday without booze and its a victory. it tells you you can do it etc..

I know how it is your AV is going to try and convince you to take a drink. even at 4 years sober I still get ideas but its not as intense as it was in the begining. But you know if you take one drink just this once etc.. it could be another decade before your at this point of ready to quit again.

Congrats on the 4 days its a lot of sober time. There was a time where just one day seemed impossible to me. It sounds like your on your way to breaking the cycle.

jaynie04

Hi Ainz and welcome. Yes, yes, yes..it gets better. The beginning is hard, very hard and all of us here understand that. My life had fallen into a similar pattern- depression, weight gain, sleeping all the time when I wasn't drinking.

I finally hit the wall when I imagined my life going forward and envisioned day after day of feeling like a big lump. I decided that nothing could be worse than the way I was living.

One of the most important mind changes I tried to make was to embrace the fact that not drinking was a choice not a punishment. It is not that I can't drink, it is that I don't drink. Don't future trip about every event in your future.

The first few months I did very little socially. Unless it was a mandatory situation I didn't go. I was on here a lot. I ate chocolate and ice cream and candy. I know that is not the prescribed way of life but it worked for me.

I decided I was only going to do this once. Two months ago I hit two years. My world has opened up in ways I could not imagine. I am clearheaded, lost all the weight I had gained (over 25 pounds), have my dignity back. Giving up drinking was a tiny, tiny price to pay for all that I have gained.

Desperately wanting to be sober is good. I was where you are at and as the days ticked by I began to realize that I could do this. It is one of the proudest accomplishments of my life. I took something that was so inhibiting and limiting and diminishing and showed it who was boss. You can do this, you have everything you need inside of you!

Ainz

Thank you zjw.

You're right it does seem unfathamable , I know it can be done. What helped you stay sober these past 4 years? I know there is no magic cure but there must be things that help.

24hrsAday

it get's a LOT Eaiser! (one day at a time) 4 days is detoxing time...

AA has helped me Greatly!

SoberLeigh

Welcome, Ainz, to SR.

It does get easier - much easier (and exponentially better, too).

Take it day by day; don't spend too much time looking into the future. Find the goodness in each and every sober day; those days will build and you will grow your sober wings.

Carver

Hey Ainz!

I'm only coming up to 50 days, but YES, it gets easier. Get support, SR, AA, SMART, books, whatever works.

Life gets better every single day without alcohol!

Berrybean

The books Living Sober and Monkey On My Shoulder really helped me through those first months. As did AA.

It may be worth giving AA another go - maybe you just weren't ready for this journey before. Yes - some of the things people talk about can make you feel a little raw initially. The degree of honesty, combined with going along to something that much 'outside of your previous experiences' is going to be anxiety inducing initially, but then life IS anxiety inducing. It's only through AA and working the 12-steps that I've finally managed to recognise and deal with anxiety and anger without smothering those feelings with alcohol or other quick fixes.

Anyway - whatever you decide, the answer is, yes. It will get better of you work on your recovery. That means, learning to deal with stuff sober. Whether through AA or counselling (not that the counselling really helped me). Hypnotism can convince you to not drink perhaps, but it can't teach you new strategies for dealing with stuff. I used it once for quitting smoking. It worked fine for 6 months til I decided to test it by having one. Then the spell was broken and I was back where I'd started on 20 a day. There really isn't a quick fix for recovery. It seems daunting, but it can also be an amazing journey.

Good luck.

huntingtontx

We have all had a day four, and know how hard that can be. At first it really helps to just think of today. Today I will not drink. Same thought for tomorrow. I also went through, never drink again? Wow, that seems crazy at first. Now, life is so much easier, and way more fun. I have no desire to drink. Sometime I think, I bet I could just have one drink now. Then I ask myself, WHY? One drink would do nothing for me. I love being sober and it turns out no one really cares if I drink or not. I do this for me. Life is good, and I am so glad I found SR. They have been such a great support for me. Any time in the early days I wanted to drink, I either went to the chat room or I posted . Someone was always there to help. One day at a time, One minute at a time, sometimes one second at a time at first. Bottom line, Don't pick up the first drink no matter what Good luck in all you do and hang here with you. It will get better and better.

zjw

Well I was stupid and white knuckled it the first year. Dont do that. post here or get some support however you can. Even if you think you dont need it it can sometimes still be helpful.

But I felt terrible for probably the first 6 months. I climbed the walls and had bad bad anxiety. What kept me from drinking was I noticed life was better all be it just a teeny tiny bit. IE the quality of life within the first week improved simply because of lack of hang overs though I was faced with all sorts of other new issues IE like dealing with life and what to do with all that extra drinking time and my nerves where totally shot and a mess etc.. To look at life that first week i was like this SUCKS!. I didnt know what sucked more waking up half dead wishing i had a revolver rather then a snooze button or dealing with sober life those first few weeks.

I really felt damned if i do damned if i dont for a while. But my quality of life between day 1 and say day 30 was only a teeny bit better. But that teeny bit I clung too for dear life. There where so many days where i'd wake up and be like well I guess the sun friggen shining *sigh. Or well I guess its raining the grass will stay green *sigh*. I played that game a lot the first 6 months to keep me going.

At about the 6 months mark I thought maybe I should exercise try and release some of this nervous tension anxiety etc.. So i quit smoking started a diet and started exercising. That was really a big turning point for me. I had to drag myself out there so many times but heck i was used to it by then I had to drag mysef out to face life sober day in and day out what difference does it make right?

In time tho it got easier each day. I had to really learn how to find something positive to focus on. I had to pick up some hobbies to occupy my idle hands so i woudlnt drink and could keep my mind off of just how awful my life was. It wasnt but in my head it sure was.

When your having a good day really soak it up and enjoy it. Or good moments etc.. When your having a bad day or moment just push through it its just a bump in the road good day s and moments will come again in short order.

zjw

theres a lot to the idea of one day at a time. It took me a while to figure it out but staying present and focused on the present moment / day goes al ong way. if you allow your mind to wonder and and think about the past or how scary the future is etc.. it can really make it difficult.

zooming in on just each day and leaving it at that helps a lot too. and in time you look back and go wow i got how many days? how'd that happen etc..

Bird615

It was through AA that I was first relieved of the desire to drink. I had to do some work to get to that point, but the result was no more cravings, no more wishful thinking. I just didn't need or want to drink anymore and didn't miss it.

There are other methods for getting and staying sober, but I think most people have to do something besides just not drink. That involves making some changes and doing some work, but it is more than worth it. The One Day at a Time idea helps, too.

I enjoyed a long time sober with no desire to drink until I took that for granted and threw it away. I tried SR by itself when I came back, but it wasn't quite enough on its own for me. I finally went back to AA and found that going to meetings and working the program made it much easier, and this time around I use this place as a great supplement to my recovery program. The point is, it does get easier, provided one is willing to put some effort toward that.

mcfearless

I'm at 3 months now and I'd have expected things to have gotten a lot better by now than they have. The days are great and I function much better. The evenings though I really miss being able to unwind the way alcohol let me. I'm not however going to drink (haven't even really considered it...also an all or nothing kind of guy) and going to put my faith in the fact that I can't expect my brain to fully adjust in only 3 months. I'm confident with time that I will adjust and learn to cope with the anxiety. But it does help me stay motivated to hear other people report on when it did get better. I'm willing to put in the work and sit out the humdrum but a silver lining always helps.

I really should get out there and go to a meeting or something I suppose.

jaynie04

mcfearless, I struggled with that exact same thing. I wasn't miserable but I wasn't exuberant either. Likewise, I kept reading about people who assured me it would get better. I figured why would they lie? I can now assure you they absolutely were not lying!!!

The reason quitting drinking is so hard is that there aren't fireworks and trumpets and mariachi bands lauding our efforts even though it really does require heroic effort at first.

Getting sober is a series of private decisions we make daily. I couldn't or didn't do a lot of the same things I had done socially at the outset. But a triumph to me was the day it occurred to me I had headed to the garden without even the idea of a glass of wine, or that I was looking forward to a weekend and hadn't once thought about booze.

The effects of not drinking were cumulative and the positive aspects multiplied geometrically as time went on. I remember feeling stressed at one year because I thought I should have it all together. I hit my stride at 18 months or so. In that same 18 months if I had kept drinking my life would have continued to shrink and decay.

It is hard staying the course at the outset. For me it was the grueling day to dayness that was tough, but even when I thought I was simply treading water change was happening. My body was working furiously to rewire synapses I had altered day after day pouring liquid depressant down my throat. But the body is geared towards survival, and given a decent chance it will grab the opportunity to get healthy. Just remember, you only have to do this once!!

mcfearless

Thanks for that. Very comforting and inspiring. I suppose the novelty of being sober has worn off and I perhaps expected too much to change in a short period of time. The good news is that I still haven't considered having a drink, and I have a pretty good understanding of the neurology involved. Just a funk but I will stick it out. Everyday I'm going to double down on my determination. In this for the long run.

alphaomega

Some days are easier than others.

But even the hardest days craving wise, where I have to literally sit on my hands, or pace, or go for a walk, or clean out the drawers for the 100th time, pale in comparison to the agonizing hours I spent hungover from 2 bottles of wine.

There are still days I wish I could drink. I wish that wasn't the case but its true for me. But since I never want to suffer through another day where I feel like I'm dying every minute of the day, I simply don't drink.

I just can not live another day in my life with that inexplicable self hatred.

Good to see you here.

zjw

For a very long time I missed my "off button" (basicly shutting my brain down by getting trashed) i didnt like haveing to be coherant and really struggled with the ability to unwind without some toxic substance to help my efforts.

I then went through a phase where I just figured this is just how it is. I'll just never unwind Oh well and accepted it. I spent life like that for a couple years.

oh sure i tried all the usual suggestions some helped some didnt but really nothing was going to replace the intoxication of booze which is what I ultimately was after.

now finally I find that at the end of the day I hit a point where gee i'm getting tired I suppose I'll sit down Its ok to sit down right? ok let me sit down and try and relax let me try and read a book oh gee i'm getting tired? theres an odd feeling let me try and sleep now.


Thats about as far as I make it tho. I dont typically sleep very well yet.

it was tough tho to end my day sober for a long time. how to unwind how to let the days troubles be etc.. without having to reach for a beer. Sooner or later I started to figure it out.

zjw

yeah going for a walk helps. there are days I go for multiple walks. I probably look like some crazy roaming the neighborhood. lol nope just some drunk trying not to drink is all lol dont mind me i wont hurt no one! lol.

Ainz

Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement. You have all given me a lot to think about. I knew I wasn't alone but i already feel a sense of relief that this forum exists and i already have some hope that there's support here to read or post whenever I need it. I know its going to be a long journey.. But hey day 4 is almost over and another day sober!
Thanks for the suggestions I might consider aa again but in the mean time I think I need to 1. Get into a proper sleep pattern again. 2. Find things to do with all this spare time In the evenings I have without a glass in my hand 3. Get some excercise to work through the frustration
I always thought the one day at a time thing was a it corny but it actually makes sense.
Thank all for the support

Dee74

Hi Ainz
It definitely gets easier - if it didn't there's be a lot less folks still in recovery.

It does take a pretty generous investment of time and en ergy in the early days tho...most of us drank for years...it take a little longer than a few days to feel ok again ion mind and body,. but you will

welcome to SR

D