book The Shack
 

I think it might have been Dee who recommended I read this book probably in referenece to me griping about my abusive step father.

I put the book on my list and let it sit there for a while. as i read other books till i mustered up the courage to decide if i wanted to go there.... anyhow I finally got it.

The first night reading it i went ot bed only to have a dream that my daughter got abducted and i had a panic attack upon waking and felt like i was going to go puke. I almost didnt finish the book after that worried I would not be able to handle the subject matter.

But i spent the day collecting myself and managed to pick it back up the next night.

Anyhow I just finished it and thought it was a great book. I think I can see my step father more as a human and less as some phsyco monster as a result of reading this book. I can see how he probably didnt know any better for his own actions and it probably was not exactly his fault he was the monster he was.

But as for forgiving my stepfather I have to say I'm not there yet. I know I know its horrible. But i thought about it last night and thought ya know i thnk i'm certainly closer I certainly have more understanding but I'm not sure i'm ready to give him that pass yet. Its almost as if i'm not capable.

I hope in time i'll be able to release him.

regardless its a good read I liked the book a fair amt and will recomend it to others.

I think forgiveness is a process as opposed to an action. As you process in your mind different things about your step father, perhaps one day you will be able to forgive. And that isn't really giving him a pass... it's for you more so than him. I too had an abusive step dad and haven't totally forgiven him, but I am working on it.

For me, forgiving people isn't all that much about letting them off the hook or even saying it's okay what they did.
I forgive for my own benefit. It means I'm no longer hanging on to what happened and allowing it to continue to keep on hurting me. I'm letting it go and letting go is just allowing it to be. It allows me to move on.

If you're referring to The Shack by Wm. Paul Young, I liked it and have Cross Roads here (by the same author), but haven't started it yet.

The Shack is a beautiful story of forgiveness and redemption (and the incomparable nature of God).

The forgiveness that 'exceeds all bounds' belongs, I believe, only to God. There is an achievable level of forgiveness, however, of which most humans believe they are incapable. Opening ourselves to that possibility, while most difficult, is the beginning.

Like ArtFriend, I believe what forgiveness brings to the forgiver far exceeds that what is brought to the forgiven.

This book is a game changer I love D for recommending me the shack

Have you read the Tao of pooh or Illusions they are both great books

its funny you mention the tao of pooh it keeps catching my eye and I keep thinking of reading it but have not pulled the trigger yet. I'm going to take another look at it now that you mention it maybe i'll read it soon.

I'm glad you found it on benefit zjw.

I agree with Joanne - forgiveness is for our benefit, not theirs.
In order for me to move on I have to let go of the other persons throat.

It doesn't mean I have to be pally with them or keep them close, and it doesn't mean I have to forget the past.

I just let go of the stuff that's keeping me rooted to the spot...or try to, at least :)

D

Yeah thats the kicker for me. If given the chance i'd still say he should be publicly flogged or have to wear a scarlet letter of sorts or something. Ya know I want mine I aint done yet. Its not a very healthy attitude.

I hope to get over it.

basicly like the book says I want justice and i'm not qualified to be his judge.

I read The Shack after Dee recommended too and I loved it. :)

Like you, zjw, I had some serious forgiving to do toward a parent and that book helped me to realize I still had some letting go to do. It's not easy and you're not at all horrible if you're not ready to forgive yet. For me, the forgiving came in surges rather than all at once.

And, if you like, check out our Book List:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rituality.html

for what its worth its made it easier for me to forgive many other offenders and the book is very helpful. The issues with me and my stepfather is the cuts are deep i guess. It'll take more time is all.

I hear ha zjw.....just wanted to add my two cents.....I too was abused as a child, shamed and tormented by my grandmother........I will never forgive her.....somethings are unforgivable, she has a lot to do w why I drank. honestly, I think she was mentally ill........an extremely toxic woman who smiled to everyone who saw.her on the street.....but a real witch otherwise. I try not to think about her and she's dead so we have no contact lol

The Tao of Pooh is one of my favourite reads I bought it as The Tao of Pooh & The Te of piglet