Rock bottom month 7 :(
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 109
Rock bottom month 7 :(
Hi everybody
I writing this tonight as ive hit rock bottom during my recovery/sobriety .
I'm at home alone so depressed , I have no intrest in anything any more , I'm just pacing from room 2 room wondering if I will ever get better.
I'm lucky that I have a wonderfull partner and great friend from America that understands what I'm going through , if it wasn't for them I think I'd give up .
Ive been going through PAWS since sobering up in November 2014 , I think I have one of the worst cases.
After spending 6 months researching my condition it's similar to benzo withdrawlal and also mimics the same symptoms as an aquired brain injury.
All was going steady in recovery , I say steady but it's been hell , ive only had a month of good days in 7 months.
In mid June after an ok window a wave of insomnia hit . Since then ive lost the ability to sleep , I have only slept 4 nights since then , the other nights have been either sleepless or just a few hours tops .
I broke down compleatly 2 weeks ago and after seeing 4 Drs who don't understand what I'm going through I finally gave in to taking Zopiclone for sleep help .
Since taking it a week ago ive become tolerant to the extent it don't work at all . The Dr has now told me to take a lower dose for another week to ween off it .
My reaction to the med has been awfull , I feel dizzy , I'm hyperactive , I have a sense of vertigo , my brain is humming so loud it makes my ears feel like they are gonna pop , I feel drugged up and have strange mental symptoms I can't even explain.
In fact it has messed up my fragile recovering brain so bad .
If this awful drug has put my paws recovery back to day 1 im in for a hell of a ride , I might as well put my progress calandar back to dec 2014 and expect all the waves of symptoms to start over .
The last time I felt like this was when the Drs gave me ssri to try .
I feel so bad that I let myself take this drug but I was in a bad way not sleeping for 6 weeks , what was I sussposed to do ????
PaWs or benzo recovery ( I say benzo as alcohol acts the same way if drank to the extent I did ) is almost an underground illness here in the uk .
The doctors don't get it at all , ive seen so many , they don't belive alcohol withdrawal can be so long lasting .
It seems that the doctors only treat the problem in hand and don't look at the big picture . If I have a wave of anxiety Dr gives ssri , if I have a wave of depression or panic the Dr tells me to see a phycaratist or prescribes me beta blockers .
I currently don't no what to do , my poor brain is trying to heal but now has been flooded with meds again . I'm now about to stop the zopiclone and I expect a double dose of insomnia as a rebound .
Paws/benzo insomnia is not normal insomnia , you can't take a warm bath or listen to a mediation disc and expect to sleep , its like my nervous system is on over drive and will only sleep when it calms down or the chemical balance changes .
This next month is gonna be hell , I'm also about to compleatly give up work as I can't function with meds or with no sleep .
All I can do is pray for my sleep to come back .
I'm trying to keep upbeat but I really can't find anything that makes me happy , every day is like Groundhog Day .
maybe sombody else in the world has had a Simalar experience to me ?
I know a lot have paws , did you have a wave of insomnia at 6 months that has lasted so long ?
Thanks for reading
Malamute
I writing this tonight as ive hit rock bottom during my recovery/sobriety .
I'm at home alone so depressed , I have no intrest in anything any more , I'm just pacing from room 2 room wondering if I will ever get better.
I'm lucky that I have a wonderfull partner and great friend from America that understands what I'm going through , if it wasn't for them I think I'd give up .
Ive been going through PAWS since sobering up in November 2014 , I think I have one of the worst cases.
After spending 6 months researching my condition it's similar to benzo withdrawlal and also mimics the same symptoms as an aquired brain injury.
All was going steady in recovery , I say steady but it's been hell , ive only had a month of good days in 7 months.
In mid June after an ok window a wave of insomnia hit . Since then ive lost the ability to sleep , I have only slept 4 nights since then , the other nights have been either sleepless or just a few hours tops .
I broke down compleatly 2 weeks ago and after seeing 4 Drs who don't understand what I'm going through I finally gave in to taking Zopiclone for sleep help .
Since taking it a week ago ive become tolerant to the extent it don't work at all . The Dr has now told me to take a lower dose for another week to ween off it .
My reaction to the med has been awfull , I feel dizzy , I'm hyperactive , I have a sense of vertigo , my brain is humming so loud it makes my ears feel like they are gonna pop , I feel drugged up and have strange mental symptoms I can't even explain.
In fact it has messed up my fragile recovering brain so bad .
If this awful drug has put my paws recovery back to day 1 im in for a hell of a ride , I might as well put my progress calandar back to dec 2014 and expect all the waves of symptoms to start over .
The last time I felt like this was when the Drs gave me ssri to try .
I feel so bad that I let myself take this drug but I was in a bad way not sleeping for 6 weeks , what was I sussposed to do ????
PaWs or benzo recovery ( I say benzo as alcohol acts the same way if drank to the extent I did ) is almost an underground illness here in the uk .
The doctors don't get it at all , ive seen so many , they don't belive alcohol withdrawal can be so long lasting .
It seems that the doctors only treat the problem in hand and don't look at the big picture . If I have a wave of anxiety Dr gives ssri , if I have a wave of depression or panic the Dr tells me to see a phycaratist or prescribes me beta blockers .
I currently don't no what to do , my poor brain is trying to heal but now has been flooded with meds again . I'm now about to stop the zopiclone and I expect a double dose of insomnia as a rebound .
Paws/benzo insomnia is not normal insomnia , you can't take a warm bath or listen to a mediation disc and expect to sleep , its like my nervous system is on over drive and will only sleep when it calms down or the chemical balance changes .
This next month is gonna be hell , I'm also about to compleatly give up work as I can't function with meds or with no sleep .
All I can do is pray for my sleep to come back .
I'm trying to keep upbeat but I really can't find anything that makes me happy , every day is like Groundhog Day .
maybe sombody else in the world has had a Simalar experience to me ?
I know a lot have paws , did you have a wave of insomnia at 6 months that has lasted so long ?
Thanks for reading
Malamute
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Anchorage Alaska
Posts: 39
Hey malamute,
I'm really sorry you're going through a rough time. I'm a little over 6 months and have had waves of good and not so good. I had a hard time sleeping and a sense of nervous system overload too. Like you I don't want to be on meds if I can help it. I have tried some natural things like valarian root and my new favorite, Passion flower extract. It has a nice calming effect helping relaxation and sleep. Eating good foods and some walks outside has helped me with my sleep and just general calming too. Don't stop praying and don't give up! I'll be praying for you too.
I'm really sorry you're going through a rough time. I'm a little over 6 months and have had waves of good and not so good. I had a hard time sleeping and a sense of nervous system overload too. Like you I don't want to be on meds if I can help it. I have tried some natural things like valarian root and my new favorite, Passion flower extract. It has a nice calming effect helping relaxation and sleep. Eating good foods and some walks outside has helped me with my sleep and just general calming too. Don't stop praying and don't give up! I'll be praying for you too.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
I'm praying for you too Malamute.
I know a lot of people who've gone through some very protracted withdrawals, and I myself have gone through chronic pain issues.
There is an end to these types of things - they are finite. You need to have faith that they will be in the past one day, hopefully soon.
I know you disagreed with a psych diagnosis you got earlier about this being anxiety and not PAWs - but just a thought...maybe more counselling is exactly what's needed to help you relax and deal with this protracted insomnia?
D
I know a lot of people who've gone through some very protracted withdrawals, and I myself have gone through chronic pain issues.
There is an end to these types of things - they are finite. You need to have faith that they will be in the past one day, hopefully soon.
I know you disagreed with a psych diagnosis you got earlier about this being anxiety and not PAWs - but just a thought...maybe more counselling is exactly what's needed to help you relax and deal with this protracted insomnia?
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Europe
Posts: 291
Maybe this will resonate: when I got sober, I also stopped a 12 year Xanax habit. Even though alcohol problems have higher visibility, for the rehab I went to, benzos were a *huge* problem. They didn't want to rank them in order, but they were both "up there".
I had a very painful first 9 months. The neuropathy that I had been able to numb with whisky really came to the surface with a brutal vengeance (this, I later found out, is standard). After month 3, gout was added to the mix, for the first time in my life. As I had also badly hurt my knee in rehab, and arthritis set in as well, I was mostly bed bound in those days. I couldn't do much more than reading, both for pleasure, and for a way out of my situation. What's a good diet? How can I try to calm myself down?
Things didn't improve, they got worse. Doctors wondered if I suffered hemochromatosis, I had all kinds of checks, and yes... after a while I stopped sleeping. Whereas my sleep had always been my way to avoid going totally bonkers.
I don't think it matters much what exactly I did (mainly clean up my diet, fight inflammation with the right foods and exercise, and lose (most of)the stress that made all the ailments so much worse through reflection and simple meditation), but even as a rational non-believer, I kept the faith that things would clear up. I can't explain how I did that and you will understand I can't; it's a process that came from the will to stay sober no matter what.
In a way, the string of bad luck made me plant my feet and use F-words and go "I will not go this easily!". Concentrating on ways to get better took my mind further off alcohol.
One thing that helped me most: I substituted every situation, every setback with "this would be so much worse if I was drinking at the same time". Insomnia is bad, really bad. But being unable to sleep and drunk... that must be the real nightmare. It sounds silly, but I did start to count my blessings, and was thankful I could still read and enjoy that.
Anyway, things did clear up. After 15 months, I was another person altogether. I did manage to stop the neuropathy from progressing, and even got it to subside, slowly. I first could walk, then get groceries, take care of the dogs. Later yet again I was able to remodel and redecorate the entire house, the garden, I build an extension, took up piano...
Again, doesn't matter what exactly I did or even how I did it. But I think I was in a very similar situation as you are in now, and found out it's possible to climb out. And to feel well again. I hope it translated to your situation a bit, and I'm sure you will be able to do the same thing as I did. Don't give up hope, OK?
I had a very painful first 9 months. The neuropathy that I had been able to numb with whisky really came to the surface with a brutal vengeance (this, I later found out, is standard). After month 3, gout was added to the mix, for the first time in my life. As I had also badly hurt my knee in rehab, and arthritis set in as well, I was mostly bed bound in those days. I couldn't do much more than reading, both for pleasure, and for a way out of my situation. What's a good diet? How can I try to calm myself down?
Things didn't improve, they got worse. Doctors wondered if I suffered hemochromatosis, I had all kinds of checks, and yes... after a while I stopped sleeping. Whereas my sleep had always been my way to avoid going totally bonkers.
I don't think it matters much what exactly I did (mainly clean up my diet, fight inflammation with the right foods and exercise, and lose (most of)the stress that made all the ailments so much worse through reflection and simple meditation), but even as a rational non-believer, I kept the faith that things would clear up. I can't explain how I did that and you will understand I can't; it's a process that came from the will to stay sober no matter what.
In a way, the string of bad luck made me plant my feet and use F-words and go "I will not go this easily!". Concentrating on ways to get better took my mind further off alcohol.
One thing that helped me most: I substituted every situation, every setback with "this would be so much worse if I was drinking at the same time". Insomnia is bad, really bad. But being unable to sleep and drunk... that must be the real nightmare. It sounds silly, but I did start to count my blessings, and was thankful I could still read and enjoy that.
Anyway, things did clear up. After 15 months, I was another person altogether. I did manage to stop the neuropathy from progressing, and even got it to subside, slowly. I first could walk, then get groceries, take care of the dogs. Later yet again I was able to remodel and redecorate the entire house, the garden, I build an extension, took up piano...
Again, doesn't matter what exactly I did or even how I did it. But I think I was in a very similar situation as you are in now, and found out it's possible to climb out. And to feel well again. I hope it translated to your situation a bit, and I'm sure you will be able to do the same thing as I did. Don't give up hope, OK?
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 1,972
Originally Posted by Dee74 
I know you disagreed with a psych diagnosis you got earlier about this being anxiety and not PAWs - but just a thought...maybe more counselling is exactly what's needed to help you relax and deal with this protracted insomnia?
D
D
Isolating in your home is only going to make things worse. You need activities that are different from your normal routine to break the mental cycle you are trapped in.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
Early in my sober period I fortunately took the advice of old timers based on their experiences.
It was explained to me that the alcohol filled a need in my emotional state for a long time and then it turned against me with different ailments developing slowly. I needed to overcome the urge to drink AND fill the void the alcohol left.
To help fill the void I needed to become more positive thinking, ask for help, be honest with myself, exercise, become active in my AA group, attend many meetings, follow suggestions and participate in the steps of the program.
As a result I and things got better with time and now, many years later I conclude I made the correct choices for me which has given me a feeling of being comfortable in my own skin most of the time.
BE WELL
Early in my sober period I fortunately took the advice of old timers based on their experiences.
It was explained to me that the alcohol filled a need in my emotional state for a long time and then it turned against me with different ailments developing slowly. I needed to overcome the urge to drink AND fill the void the alcohol left.
To help fill the void I needed to become more positive thinking, ask for help, be honest with myself, exercise, become active in my AA group, attend many meetings, follow suggestions and participate in the steps of the program.
As a result I and things got better with time and now, many years later I conclude I made the correct choices for me which has given me a feeling of being comfortable in my own skin most of the time.
BE WELL
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