"No one cares if you don't drink."
 

I once read this in a book on quitting drinking, and I'm wondering if other folks have had this experience. It hasn't been mine. Maybe I have subconsciously surrounded myself with closet (and not so closet) alcoholics, but I feel like the second I don't drink at a social function, family event, in-law gathering, etc. people are swarming and asking why on Earth I'm not drinking. And I hate it. During my last period of sobriety, I lied and told people I was on a cleanse. Even good-natured people who didn't push it on me wanted to talk about it constantly. The whys. The hows. The how longs. Made me wonder if there's a newfound cultural obsession with alcohol consumption, or just certain people in my life. Maybe a little bit of both :/

By and large I've found it to be true - with the exception of my drinking buddies and my family...and both of those groups drink pretty heavily and knew me as a mad drinker.

Most people don't really give two hoots if I'm drinking alcohol or not - seriously.

Those who don't like it get used to it, or they gravitate away.

D

I have few friends none of them cared. some family found out I had a drinking problem because my wifes sister couldnt keep her mouth shut. So now when i'm visiting them they all go and hide to do there drinknig and i feel like i'm some kind of leper. I told my wife they can drink in front of me I dont care i'm not gonna lunge accross the table and steal there booze or something. She said they are just trying to be respectful. I guess they could tell me to go hide so they can drink ?

I guess it can play out many different ways.

what dee said and this little story I just though up...

Little Johnny liked to sing. As he grew older Johnny would sing songs everywhere he went. Any time there was a gathering of people, Johnny would sing songs. People expected that any time Johnny showed up at an event he would sing. Then one day Johnny showed up and didn't sing. Everyone started asking why Johnny wasn't singing.

Nobody was asking why Billy, who never sang, why he wasn't singing.

By and large the only people that pay attention to my drinking, eg lack thereof, are people doing the quick mental calculation of what 20% of overpriced retail alcoholic beverages per serving are. AKA waiters and waitresses, and they don't care that "i'm" not drinking , just that the bill will be less than they expected. And I have never experienced anything other than "Is coke ok ?"(coz I ask for Pepsi first :) )
Sure friends and family noticed that drinking was something that stopped for me and the first time or two when at a function it was mentioned, but only because it was 'different'. Now there is a new 'different', well not really I'm a nondrinker and that is not going to change, only the AV will harp on the selfconsciousness of the 'newness' of being a nondrinker. Recognize the feeling of 'hating it' and then dismiss it with 'whatevers' the feeling and the AV will fade away, starve it out.

When just about everyone you know drinks to the point of dysfunction. Then one of the group wises up and starts taking care of their self. I think it makes them look internally and feel uncomfortable. The ones that don't abuse alcohol, don't really care.
My opinion

the other fun one is when you have cleaned up your act. Your now far far far from the person you once where. Your attitude is different your different your life is good etc.. its all entirely different. then you run into an old friend from back in the day. and the underlying tone of the conversation(s) is as if your still the person you once where and your not. Though all they see is that person from way back they have no idea who the new you is etc..

Having had the above situation play out it stinks becuase in the end I just couldnt keep talking to this person there was nothing fruitful coming from it and i felt as if all it did was drag me down.

sometimes you just gotta get new friends.

^^^^ What " esinger" said - That's how I see it to . Makes the other people that are drinking re- think , if they may also have a problem . Or they know they do & bow out of the conversation .
I just had someone the other day want to confide in me "sorta" Saying - I know you don't drink anymore ." Maybe I should slow down ? I know this person is a daily drinker .:sad:
I sat there for a second , thinking of a come back ... All I could come out with is " Well I know I feel a Heck of a lot better " :)

The people who cared about my not drinking really wanted to know how I escaped the prison(ie-alcoholics). "Normal" people don't care.

People who care about drinking are the only ones who care if you're not drinking. Just my take.

Nothing makes a heavy drinker or alcoholic more uncomfortable than being the only one drinking at the table. it puts their own habit on the spot. I know I always changed my order from beer to pop if my date didn't want a drink.

As others upthread have said, in general relax and don't let people's opinions bother you, but if some of your friends are very inconsiderate about it or go so far as pressure you to drink, then consider that they may not be a good influence or friends worth having

It's been true for me. The ONLY people who notice are alcoholics and Europeans.

I've had a few people question me when I order a water or a coke. Sometimes it is a little uncomfortable, but I think it depends on the person who is asking, or the crowd or the atmosphere of the gathering. The first time I stopped drinking altogether, I was still dating a girl who would regularly go out with friends and family to bars or taverns, where it was basically expected to have at least a beer. There were a handful of times when people would ask me why I wasn't drinking, and there was a vaguely awkward atmosphere around the situation. Although, I think I did it to myself by getting a water. I should have ordered a root beer or something more fancy, just to take the attention away from it.

Thanks for all the insights. Lots of truths. Maybe I'll start ordering coffee and pulling the "I'm tired" excuse. Or just order whatever I want and let people deal with it however they deal with it :)

Also, currently on night 4 sober and I feel great. I've eaten more chocolate than I'd like, but probably that won't land me in the hospital, so whatever!

I've found that the people around me don't care that I don't drink. I mean not at all. I should add that I don't really know any alcoholics. I do know two though. One does not care that I'm not drinking and the other said my problem was that I was drinking cheap alcohol when I told her the reason I stopped is because it made me feel like dirt the next day. After about 45 seconds of questions, she never asked again.

All of my friends have seen me in a blackout at least once over the years. Others have seen me in blackouts a half dozen times. These including weeping, screaming, uncontrollable anger, and any other obnoxious behavior you can think of.

So that said, they don't ask why I stopped drinking. They know. I truly don't think any of them knew just how much I drank because I drank at home, alone 99% of the time but they knew I had a drinking problem. No question. I was that person at many parties over the years and they witnessed it all.

My mother didn't ask me if I had stopped drinking until I was sober a year. I guess the opportunity just never came up to ask. My best closest friend (who lives in a different state but had visited) also asked me around a year of sobriety.

People who didn't know me as a drunk don't care if I drink or not and why. Like LBrain said in his parable, the only people that cared were those who knew me before I sobered up. And for the most part you could divide that group of people into two subgroups...those who wished I still drank and those who were glad I no longer drank. Even the people that didn't fit into one of those subgroups probably could figure out why I didn't drink anymore if they had known me long enough.

But I know what you are talking about VDGS, especially in the early stages of my sobriety. Eventually the only people who questioned my sobriety were my old drinking buddies, and eventually I stopped hanging around them if our relationship mostly revolved around alcohol/drugs.

I have noticed after everyone who drinks finishes their first drink forget about me not drinking. Fun really to sit back and watch the show...best part .......waking up the next day...:)))

Ya know Melinda this statement really resonated with me.

It made me realize I really did not have any friends that did not drink Everyone I hung out with drank pretty much like me. I was a workaholic and drank at business functions, but always seemed to not be a sloppy drunk--but did get really belligerent a few times. That must have made my business associates wonder.

I will say I had a big blow-up with one of my friends and asked to meet her so I could straighten things out--I decided I would not drink that night, so I would be clear headed ----the first thing she said after we ordered and I did not order a drink was "What are you on the Wagon", drooling sarcastically. Let's just say it was a wise decision not to drink,,those were the kind of things that could force me to jump over the table at a person. :a043: That was the only time anyone ever made a comment about my drinking.

When I finally did decide to get sober --about 2 years later--no one asked me because I told all my business associate friends I was an alcoholic (surprise, surprise) and stayed away from all business functions. As far as my drinking "friends" I just never went back to the clubs I frequented, so they never saw me again !

I was really a WEIRD kind of drunk, now that I think about it. Talk about controlled and isolated--no one ever got through my defenses , I guess that is why I needed the alcohol to "be my secret friend."
How sad for anyone like me.

Thanks, Melinda, your comments struck a cord with me and brought back some things I needed to remember about those days.

Still very private but very open about my alcoholism to anyone who wants to listen. I feel I was one of the lucky ones to have gotten sober and it is my way of paying it forward.

Trix

People have different experiences, I think it depends hugely on who you hang around with. If you hang around with people who have drinking problems, and want you to drink too so they don't feel self-conscious about drinking, then you may get a lot of undesired attention. Probably tends to be a bigger issue for younger folks.

For me, pretty much all my friends knew I had a drinking problem, and all were happy to see me stop, so if I ever get pressure now it's mild joking sort of pressure from folks who didn't know me back then and don't know the history. It doesn't bother me at all, but if it did I'd end contact with all of them before drinking. :) Almost no one in social situations ever notices that I'm drinking soda or iced tea instead of alcohol, and if they do they don't care enough to say anything.

The only people who care that you do not drink, are the people that have a drinking problem. Sometimes they force a drink into your hand, or ask why you dont drink. Its common in asian countries to drink alcohol, its a sign of disrespect if you do not drink.