The sinister cycle
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 17
The sinister cycle
So I use to come here quite a bit. But not for a few years now. I suppose because I've been convincing myself that I don't have a problem.
And for the most part I get by without incident. Decent job, beautiful wife etc. But I go overboard on the booze regularly. I spend most of my weekends running at 50% or less due to debilitating hangovers.
The problem I have is by the end of the week having been sober I seem to have forgotten the horrible effect that alcohol has on me. I manage to drink 30+ drinks over a weekend.
My doctor looked really concerned when I told him. And I have off and on severe stomach pains. Still I don't seem to take it seriously.
Not wanting to drink myself to death like my dad. So going to try and give it a really good effort.
Looking for some support and accountability.
And for the most part I get by without incident. Decent job, beautiful wife etc. But I go overboard on the booze regularly. I spend most of my weekends running at 50% or less due to debilitating hangovers.
The problem I have is by the end of the week having been sober I seem to have forgotten the horrible effect that alcohol has on me. I manage to drink 30+ drinks over a weekend.
My doctor looked really concerned when I told him. And I have off and on severe stomach pains. Still I don't seem to take it seriously.
Not wanting to drink myself to death like my dad. So going to try and give it a really good effort.
Looking for some support and accountability.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Welcome back. Some don't make it.
I can really relate to the selective memory. I went through it for many years. It was three days for me. Felt better, looked better and the misery of the alcoholic hangover gone and 'Hey! I don't have a problem, I can drink again!'
Then, off on another bender with an interminable end.
Lay in bed wasting my life in the throws of the alcoholic hangover. Cowering in fear, anxiety and regret.
This went on for years until the benders got longer and more incapacitating.
Did it stop me? No. Even through all my best intentions.
It took going to AA, and that took me many tries to even walk through the doors, where I found people just like me. They'd been through the same things and could relate. I thought I was alone with my malady.
I found hope.
That was four and a half years ago, and I was a bad, low bottom drunk. Drinking around the clock at the end. It's been that long since I've had a drink.
Four and a half years. And I was seemingly near hopeless.
I hope you can solve your drinking problem, however you choose, because believe me, it can and will get worse.
Your post helped me relive those days. So thank you. I hopefully will never go back too those days, but I'm just going to not drink today.
Best to you.
I can really relate to the selective memory. I went through it for many years. It was three days for me. Felt better, looked better and the misery of the alcoholic hangover gone and 'Hey! I don't have a problem, I can drink again!'
Then, off on another bender with an interminable end.
Lay in bed wasting my life in the throws of the alcoholic hangover. Cowering in fear, anxiety and regret.
This went on for years until the benders got longer and more incapacitating.
Did it stop me? No. Even through all my best intentions.
It took going to AA, and that took me many tries to even walk through the doors, where I found people just like me. They'd been through the same things and could relate. I thought I was alone with my malady.
I found hope.
That was four and a half years ago, and I was a bad, low bottom drunk. Drinking around the clock at the end. It's been that long since I've had a drink.
Four and a half years. And I was seemingly near hopeless.
I hope you can solve your drinking problem, however you choose, because believe me, it can and will get worse.
Your post helped me relive those days. So thank you. I hopefully will never go back too those days, but I'm just going to not drink today.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 438
That is alcoholism at its finest, truly is the sinister cycle like you stated.
Drinking, feeling like s#$%, and asking for more as soon as you feel a smidge better, it makes no sense. It's like getting punched in the face and asking for more a couple days later, sounds crazy right? Yet with alcohol it seems to be okay.
Stick around here, search, read, ask questions. Go to local meetings if that's something you'd be interested in. Figure out why you drink, think about it at least... It may take awhile to get an answer but there is usually an underlining issue.
You say you drink on the weekends, make plans with people who don't drink or where alcohol wedding be available for the next weekend and repeat. The key is to keep busy, be productive. Run next week at 100% and you will see.
Good luck!
Drinking, feeling like s#$%, and asking for more as soon as you feel a smidge better, it makes no sense. It's like getting punched in the face and asking for more a couple days later, sounds crazy right? Yet with alcohol it seems to be okay.
Stick around here, search, read, ask questions. Go to local meetings if that's something you'd be interested in. Figure out why you drink, think about it at least... It may take awhile to get an answer but there is usually an underlining issue.
You say you drink on the weekends, make plans with people who don't drink or where alcohol wedding be available for the next weekend and repeat. The key is to keep busy, be productive. Run next week at 100% and you will see.
Good luck!
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Welcome back bud heres a link with excellent help to writing up a plan to keep yourself accountable & motivated http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
welcome, Gano.
the memory-fading-out-from -the-intensity-of-experience thing is why it's so helpful to have action. because relying on "how bad it was" seems not enough for most of us.
look around, see what works for people. start doing.
the memory-fading-out-from -the-intensity-of-experience thing is why it's so helpful to have action. because relying on "how bad it was" seems not enough for most of us.
look around, see what works for people. start doing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 17
Thanks everyone for the support and advice. My first step is going to be to come on here each day.
Then as mentioned make some plans to keep away from alcohol this weekend.
I think I took for granted how much this site helped me last time.
Thanks again.
Then as mentioned make some plans to keep away from alcohol this weekend.
I think I took for granted how much this site helped me last time.
Thanks again.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
93 days sober here. Better but still jacked up.
You are binging.
You are going through withdrawal when you tell yourself it is ok to drink again.
Try to skip a.couple of weeks and you would begin to feel the brain damage alcohol causes.
Anxiety, depression, fatigue. Etc.
You don't know it, but you are in a battle for your life.
You are binging.
You are going through withdrawal when you tell yourself it is ok to drink again.
Try to skip a.couple of weeks and you would begin to feel the brain damage alcohol causes.
Anxiety, depression, fatigue. Etc.
You don't know it, but you are in a battle for your life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by D122y 
93 days sober here. Better but still jacked up.
You are binging.
You are going through withdrawal when you tell yourself it is ok to drink again.
Try to skip a.couple of weeks and you would begin to feel the brain damage alcohol causes.
Anxiety, depression, fatigue. Etc.
You don't know it, but you are in a battle for your life.
You are binging.
You are going through withdrawal when you tell yourself it is ok to drink again.
Try to skip a.couple of weeks and you would begin to feel the brain damage alcohol causes.
Anxiety, depression, fatigue. Etc.
You don't know it, but you are in a battle for your life.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Yes sir.
I haven't been to an AA meeting yet, but so many people here have helped me directly or indirectly I am educated now on my sickness.
I believe in God so the 12 step plan is for me.
1 day at a time. God help me. Fighting this thing. Committed, with purpose. I am protective of my clean days like they are my child.
I haven't been to an AA meeting yet, but so many people here have helped me directly or indirectly I am educated now on my sickness.
I believe in God so the 12 step plan is for me.
1 day at a time. God help me. Fighting this thing. Committed, with purpose. I am protective of my clean days like they are my child.
Trying to Enjoy Life Now
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Sittin' on the dock of the bay
Posts: 275
Hey Gano,
It's an evil cycle. You seem like you recognized the problem which is really important. If you're an alcoholic, like I am, it's gonna be either all in or all out. There's really no middle ground.
Sounds like you have a lot to lose. Try and address the issue now.
We're here for you.
It's an evil cycle. You seem like you recognized the problem which is really important. If you're an alcoholic, like I am, it's gonna be either all in or all out. There's really no middle ground.
Sounds like you have a lot to lose. Try and address the issue now.
We're here for you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 57
Unbelievable how messed up it is, right? I have literally spent week nights on my knees, hung over and praying to God almighty to save me from the hell of alcohol abuse... only to get to Friday night and think to myself: "Oh! I was just overreacting! I'm going to have a beer." Rinse. Repeat. Relived this cycle literally hundreds of times. Or, my other favorite is going weeks (months?) drinking every single night, taking one or two nights off, and convincing myself that I am healed and can drink normally again. If that's not insanity, I don't know what is.
More power to you, man. Don't drink.
-Adam
More power to you, man. Don't drink.
-Adam
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 80
Man that's my same issue. I get so messed up on the weekends and rather than deal with the hangover, I'll go out in the morning and get some booze. Come Monday after a binge I'm a wreck, completely crippled. Usually manage to make it into work but sit in my office in agony with the door shut. But usually I feel normal again after two or three days, some decent sleep and a few trips to the gym. Eventually I'll get the itch and decide it's OK to drink, and just like that I'm on my next bender. Wash, rinse and repeat. I wish I could properly remember just how awful it is so I could break the cycle. But nah, I just do it again and again. So insane, so stupid.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
Your body will only put up with that kind of binge drinking for so long. You sound like this guy from my treatment, married, 2 kids, attractive, 35, lawyer, nice house and ****, he was at the point you seem to be about 6 months ago but he didn't listen to his doctor, his eyes started turning yellow and **** , his wife and he were barely on speaking terms...he would cry in group and say he wished he'd gotten this 6 months ago before he lost all that. It only gets worse the longer you stay on this road and you know what they say about the end (jail, institutions and death) and you're lucky to end up institutionalized.
And yeah that keep going back thing is the very nature of alcoholism
And yeah that keep going back thing is the very nature of alcoholism
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 17
So I've kept sober for the weekdays which is good but not unusual. Tonight (Friday) will be the test. Have been checking in on here which has helped and I have a good feeling that Ill be able to get through unscathed. Will check in tomorrow.
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