Returning
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 57
Returning
Hi Everyone,
My name is Adam. I am returning to sobriety after a little under a year of standing out in the storm. I have a lot of shame attached to it, as this time last November I was doing great. I was even an AA speaker for the first time. At this point, I am super filled with fear. I am scared to walk back into my home group meeting again and face the people who I know I cannot BS. I'm scared of going through what I know will be another series of blows to my mind and body as my alcoholic brain pulls every trick in the book. And I'm scared of some life realities that I know I will have to face, such as the fact that right now my spiritual foundation is more like wet cement than something solid to stand on.
And yet, I know we all have to start somewhere, even when we are coming back inside.
Anyway, I hope to read and post here a lot, because I think it will help. Prayers and good energy will be much appreciated as I figure out my plan.
-Adam
My name is Adam. I am returning to sobriety after a little under a year of standing out in the storm. I have a lot of shame attached to it, as this time last November I was doing great. I was even an AA speaker for the first time. At this point, I am super filled with fear. I am scared to walk back into my home group meeting again and face the people who I know I cannot BS. I'm scared of going through what I know will be another series of blows to my mind and body as my alcoholic brain pulls every trick in the book. And I'm scared of some life realities that I know I will have to face, such as the fact that right now my spiritual foundation is more like wet cement than something solid to stand on.
And yet, I know we all have to start somewhere, even when we are coming back inside.
Anyway, I hope to read and post here a lot, because I think it will help. Prayers and good energy will be much appreciated as I figure out my plan.
-Adam
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Hey Adam,
I'm glad you're back. I failed quite a few times and then I finally got it. To the point where continuing to drink seemed scarier than stopping. I think I can hear in your words that you are at that point too.
I'm glad you're back. I failed quite a few times and then I finally got it. To the point where continuing to drink seemed scarier than stopping. I think I can hear in your words that you are at that point too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 57
Thanks! Yeah, it feels imperative at this point. Nothing overtly catastrophic has happened yet, but everything has felt enveloped in darkness lately, and I know it originates from the booze. As booze assists with isolating, lying, sneaking around, saying regrettable things, and self destruction, the monkey on my back just got bigger and uglier. It's really nasty stuff.
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