Does alcoholism cause promiscuity?
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Does alcoholism cause promiscuity?
Recovering alcoholic here, building off a discussion I had with my mother the other day.
Does alcoholism cause one to actually become promiscuous while drunk? Or does it simply bring promiscuity to the surface for those who are already inclined to it, by way of lowered inhibitions? Or is it different for everyone? For me personally, during my days of binge drinking, I slept with several women while under the influence. Looking back, I would have slept with them anyway if I was sober. I had a pre-existing propensity towards promiscuity. I was literally constantly drunk during my free time, so sex was always while under the influence by default. I may have had some "beer goggles" on, but I can honestly say I would have done it sober as well. But that's just me!
Thoughts?
Does alcoholism cause one to actually become promiscuous while drunk? Or does it simply bring promiscuity to the surface for those who are already inclined to it, by way of lowered inhibitions? Or is it different for everyone? For me personally, during my days of binge drinking, I slept with several women while under the influence. Looking back, I would have slept with them anyway if I was sober. I had a pre-existing propensity towards promiscuity. I was literally constantly drunk during my free time, so sex was always while under the influence by default. I may have had some "beer goggles" on, but I can honestly say I would have done it sober as well. But that's just me!
Thoughts?
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Well of course, as stated already (and is common knowledge) it can lower inhibitions. The flipside of that as a man is it can, for some of us at least, greatly inhibit your ability to perform in the first place.
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Hmmm...
I had difficulties with sex boundaries anyway. Alcohol exacerbated this. I think it probably increased my chances, but I was already being a cad when I got into heavy addiction. As it were, as I sank deeper into my addiction, two things happened...
1) I was such a jackwagon that no one was interested in sex with me.
2) I wasn't interested in sex.
I know two people from my old homegroup who stated that their lack of interest in their partner led to difficulties with pornography. While I have indulged in smut before, I haven't seemed to need it as a replacement, either in addiction or recovery. That being said, I'm disinterested in poking that badger with a spoon.
(That last sentence has a lot of mixed metaphors...)
"Always Believe!" -The Ultimate Warrior
I had difficulties with sex boundaries anyway. Alcohol exacerbated this. I think it probably increased my chances, but I was already being a cad when I got into heavy addiction. As it were, as I sank deeper into my addiction, two things happened...
1) I was such a jackwagon that no one was interested in sex with me.
2) I wasn't interested in sex.
I know two people from my old homegroup who stated that their lack of interest in their partner led to difficulties with pornography. While I have indulged in smut before, I haven't seemed to need it as a replacement, either in addiction or recovery. That being said, I'm disinterested in poking that badger with a spoon.
(That last sentence has a lot of mixed metaphors...)
"Always Believe!" -The Ultimate Warrior
Last edited by ScottFromWI; 08-09-2015 at 06:09 AM. Reason: Inappropriate content removed
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I would suggest that ones attitude towards promiscuity is certainly more relaxed with alcohol, along with the choices made. This is not to say that sober people are essentially more morally inclined, but alcohol may well impact on any decisions.
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What the other posters said. I definitely made decisions to act on some thoughts, desires and impulses that I doubt I would have acted on sober, enough times. I do not believe that the influence of alcohol generates the thoughts and desires in the first place, I think I am generally quite in touch with this "domain" of myself and aware enough that I get them also without alcohol. The difference is the decisions and actions I make in response to them. Like Austin, I am also not very inhibited in this area of my mental processes and fantasy life to start with (never really been), so adding a substance which blurs the boundaries between fantasy and reality, mind and action, is not a great idea for me.
What happened though in the last couple years of my drinking is that I became very isolated and often depressed, so that sort of drinking "inhibited" me more than anything.
What happened though in the last couple years of my drinking is that I became very isolated and often depressed, so that sort of drinking "inhibited" me more than anything.
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No. Sexuality and alcohol are related only in that settings that serve drinks at night is where hook-up artists look for prey, and booze is used by promiscuous people to deliberately lower their own inhibitions and good judgement so they will "go for it." At worst someone is using booze to seduce a potential hookup if not outright date rape.
But no, alcohol doesn't make just anyone promiscuous.
But no, alcohol doesn't make just anyone promiscuous.
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Originally Posted by dswa 
No. Sexuality and alcohol are related only in that settings that serve drinks at night is where hook-up artists look for prey, and booze is used by promiscuous people to deliberately lower their own inhibitions and good judgement so they will "go for it." At worst someone is using booze to seduce a potential hookup if not outright date rape.
But no, alcohol doesn't make just anyone promiscuous.
But no, alcohol doesn't make just anyone promiscuous.
Obviously there's something innate in me that made me susceptible to a "quick love fix". But it has never happened when not totally wasted, nor is it anything I would aspire towards. But then it allsort of become a snowball effect in that the shame and feelings of self worth would feed the dynamic.
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One more chain of thoughts (because I am interested in this topic and we rarely discuss here on SR due to it's general tabu nature): I do think it's like what dswa and soberwolf said. I don't believe alcohol (or any other drug) creates new parts in ourselves that were not there before at least in a latent, repressed form. Alcohol and drugs affect perception and decision making, and also often shifts our consciousness. We may become more/less aware of some thoughts and feelings that we are prone to. It also modulates cognitive processes, so we may put together thoughts and feelings in ways that we would not, in the absence of the chemical influence, and express these and our momentary emotions in ways that seem out of character. What happens more, imo, is that not the primary processes, traits, and predispositions are altered, but the mechanisms in our brain/mind that modulate them and their expression. The executive control. Well, there is plenty of evidence for this from neuroscience these days.
In this context, I would agree with the different views on this question, coming from personal experience. These are very individual experiences, like most things. Promiscuity (or lack thereof) is just one good example, but there can be plenty of others some of us are prone to and others are not, under the influence.
Another example I can think of, and it comes up here on SR frequently as so many of us have relevant experiences: drinking on the job, being caught, losing jobs etc. So for example this is something I have never done, not even at my worst and not even in blackout states, somehow. Well I did drink at some work parties, but never even that to excess like many of my non-alcoholic colleagues. I would rather leave early and continue drinking at home alone, or with a single person one-on-one who is similarly inclined, but not in the group and on the site that is related to work. But in regards to the main topic of this thread, the promiscuity: I think I am naturally inclined to think that way and was even much more when younger, I even preached about it many times in my life totally sober, in the name of human freedom and other things, about what is typically described as the open and responsible practice of "polyamory" as a lifestyle. What happened to me, I think, is when I drank, this same view got very distorted and impulsive at times and the sense and practice of responsibility fell out of the window. But there were a few things I never did when drunk... I mentioned drinking on the job, or getting into aggressive verbal or physical fights is another example. I believe, because these are truly out of default character for me to start with.
I generally think that our drinking tends to bring out and/or expand traits and motivations that are within us in some form but normally regulated much better, repressed, or otherwise kept away from surfacing much. But I don't believe it creates whole new entities within us.
In this context, I would agree with the different views on this question, coming from personal experience. These are very individual experiences, like most things. Promiscuity (or lack thereof) is just one good example, but there can be plenty of others some of us are prone to and others are not, under the influence.
Another example I can think of, and it comes up here on SR frequently as so many of us have relevant experiences: drinking on the job, being caught, losing jobs etc. So for example this is something I have never done, not even at my worst and not even in blackout states, somehow. Well I did drink at some work parties, but never even that to excess like many of my non-alcoholic colleagues. I would rather leave early and continue drinking at home alone, or with a single person one-on-one who is similarly inclined, but not in the group and on the site that is related to work. But in regards to the main topic of this thread, the promiscuity: I think I am naturally inclined to think that way and was even much more when younger, I even preached about it many times in my life totally sober, in the name of human freedom and other things, about what is typically described as the open and responsible practice of "polyamory" as a lifestyle. What happened to me, I think, is when I drank, this same view got very distorted and impulsive at times and the sense and practice of responsibility fell out of the window. But there were a few things I never did when drunk... I mentioned drinking on the job, or getting into aggressive verbal or physical fights is another example. I believe, because these are truly out of default character for me to start with.
I generally think that our drinking tends to bring out and/or expand traits and motivations that are within us in some form but normally regulated much better, repressed, or otherwise kept away from surfacing much. But I don't believe it creates whole new entities within us.
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Well I had a lot of sex when I was binge drinking in my 20's and early 30's. I'm a lot more choosy now in my late 40's when I started moderating and when it happens it's more "real" 
I haven't bothered dating since giving up booze in Feb....I think I would be **** scared I'd drink.....However I'm really looking forward to having a relationship that isn't clouded with alcohol.
I haven't bothered dating since giving up booze in Feb....I think I would be **** scared I'd drink.....However I'm really looking forward to having a relationship that isn't clouded with alcohol.
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Can't speak for everyone, but certainly it seems to me that feeling unwanted or unloveable can lead to promiscuity, and can also lead to drinking. Promiscuity can happen when we use sexual attractiveness to feel wanted, and drinking can happen when we want to mask or medicate those deep feelings of inadequacy. The two together produce a predictable result.
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Obviously when we're drunk we act in a less inhibited way which can lead to promiscuous behaviour. However, I don't think this is the main problem for some people who are addicted to sex (or pornography).
I think it's quite common to have more than one addictive behaviour. For some people that might be drugs and alcohol; others gambling and alcohol; and for some it could be sex and alcohol.
I believe that as addicts tend to seek out pleasure / excitement to make life bearable. Sex is just one of those thing that some people have become programmed to seek out.
I know that as I worked my 12-step program more things resolved themselves than just alcohol.
I think it's quite common to have more than one addictive behaviour. For some people that might be drugs and alcohol; others gambling and alcohol; and for some it could be sex and alcohol.
I believe that as addicts tend to seek out pleasure / excitement to make life bearable. Sex is just one of those thing that some people have become programmed to seek out.
I know that as I worked my 12-step program more things resolved themselves than just alcohol.
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Originally Posted by Retread1959
Can't speak for everyone, but certainly it seems to me that feeling unwanted or unloveable can lead to promiscuity, and can also lead to drinking. Promiscuity can happen when we use sexual attractiveness to feel wanted, and drinking can happen when we want to mask or medicate those deep feelings of inadequacy. The two together produce a predictable result.
But what I bolded above is a key element, I believe, for those of us who are so inclined... be it a controllable and milder version ("I'm just a sexual person") or spinning out of control into the area of addiction that becomes harmful and disruptive, as Beccybean implied. For me, another motif behind all this (apart from what Retread described) is a general fear of commitment. It's easy to see how this can be intellectualized and expressed as a love of freedom or respect for everyone's individual freedom, in order to transform an internal insecurity (which is negative) into a lifestyle choice or principle (that is made to appear positive or more evolved). It's a self-defense, even in front of the self. I've recently been doing a lot of deep investigation into these things with the help of my therapist, the goal is to truly understand the hidden motifs and to create more integrated (genuinely more evolved, not just defensive) lifestyle and relationships that both adhere to my natural desires, who I really am and do not need to involve obsessions, masking and hiding behind some sort of theoretical explanation or made-up discipline. It's quite a complex and complicated process, to say the least, but very rewarding and liberating at the same time.
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I like to think it will vary. I personally never cheated on my wife when I was sober, when I drank, or when I got sober again, nor was I tempted. Nothing to brag about or feel morally superior (or feel square and old 
) etc.: just not in my nature.
Then again I did do things under the influence I'm not exactly proud of, so I'm kinda contradicting myself. Maybe I never felt alone or felt the need to prove stuff to myself - as previous posters said, that could be a motivation that makes more sense perhaps.
) etc.: just not in my nature. Then again I did do things under the influence I'm not exactly proud of, so I'm kinda contradicting myself. Maybe I never felt alone or felt the need to prove stuff to myself - as previous posters said, that could be a motivation that makes more sense perhaps.
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Not for me. Even in the midst of college hookup culture, alcohol was my number one priority. My friends would sneak off into the rooms of women and I'd go outside with my headphones, take a bottle of vodka with me, and persuade myself that I was "deeper" than my friends. Nope! Just a raging drunk. That, in itself, should have been the tell tale sign
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Originally Posted by VDGS
Not for me. Even in the midst of college hookup culture, alcohol was my number one priority. My friends would sneak off into the rooms of women and I'd go outside with my headphones, take a bottle of vodka with me, and persuade myself that I was "deeper" than my friends. Nope! Just a raging drunk. That, in itself, should have been the tell tale sign
I was much the same at the end of my drinking in public. I was more gentlemanly than some of my drinking buddies. I was slurring my words and making little to no sense when I bought a gal a drink, but by gawd (Keeng!), I wasn't looking for some drunken hookup!
Tee-hee.
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