ChiefBromden

I went for out some fries a week or so ago, and ordered a can of Coke. For some reason, the shopkeeper gave me a can of beer. I immediately felt an irrational anger rise.

Weird, because it was just a mistake, easy to fix, and beer wasn't my weapon of choice anyway. I'm also happy in revovery, 3 years on, with no cravings etc. Yet I internally reacted like I was stung by a bee (the lady never even noticed).

Just wondered why my initial reaction was so emotional. Is it because I made alcohol a total taboo in my life? Mind you, my wife still drinks (normie) and that doesn't bother me at all (otherwise I would ask her not to, to protect my sobriety, and I'm even sure she would stop doing it). Yet when that beer was shoved towards me... Red mist.

Weird? Or recognizable?

NestWasEmpty

That feeling would come over me too !! For sure recognizable Even after 2 years a friend - I haven't seen in a long time says . Oh hear you want a drink , it's been awhile Uggg .
It's a good thing it wasn't done to me - even by accident . I almost think it would have ruined my apatite , put in a rotten mood .. After what it did to me - I can't stand to even smell it - let alone look at it
I "seldom" let anyone come in my home with one in there hand . That's only because they maybe looking for my man friend ..
This makes me interested in what you get for replies to this question , we all deal with it differently

biminiblue

Well, I think it's a good thing to recoil from it, personally.

I'd rather have that than the, "Hm. That looks tasty."

dox

Just got back to the hotel room.
A similar situation happened to us downstairs.
My wife ordered a Corona and i ordered a Diet Coke.
A different person brought the drinks, putting the beer in front of me and the Coke in front of my wife.
This is not the first time this has happened and probably won't be the last.
We both smiled, waited until the waitress left, then traded drinks.
No point in making a point about it, eh?

On the other hand, I do get annoyed when people, especially relatives, offer me alcoholic drinks, knowing that I don't drink and that I am an alcoholic.
This hasn't happened in quite a while now.

Soberwolf

This reminds me of when i was at one of my college courses and someone said at lunch come on il get you a beer i was about to say what why would i do that i was around 7 months then i remembered this guy didnt know me or my situation and i remembered someone buying you a beer is seen as a good gesture ... to a normie

i declined his offer and said thanks i then went home and had a nice lunch a few ppl have offered me a drink even one of my tutors on the flooring course at 9am hungarian vodka in a shot glass i simply said no thanks he was sent it by his father in hungary and it was a nice gesture if your a normie but im not he remains a friend who respects i dont drink

sleepie

I also would have been upset, but I am far earlier in recovery.
maybe because it is just a bad reminder or you are worried on some level that you might be tempted. I do read into things and I don't think there's anything wrong with it, I'd have thought either I was being messed with or that it was a message that I could have one after all. I would have found it really upsetting.

least

I think I would have been irritated at least.

Lovenjoy

definitely recognizable! was having a conversation with a colleague on the phone and he said we should do this regular on my deck with a beer as it's summer!

i froze. skipped a few beats then ignored the comment and went on... my reaction was kinda weird i thought after. so i guess weird and recognizable?!

i realized after, that because him and i have known each other for so long i figured that he just knew i didn't drink. and as SW said to normies it's seen as a good gesture. but in the moment it was - strange. i have since told him i'd gladly join him on his deck but iced tea for me!

great thread...

Andante

I get that flash of emotion too anytime I’m suddenly put in an awkward position regarding my sobriety. It’s like some private space is being violated. I think it’s probably pretty normal. Getting sober represents a huge and arduous change on so many levels. It’s bound to carry a load of residual feeling for a long time even if you’re doing everything “right” in your recovery.

esinger

Went to visit my Dad a couple of weeks ago. He always has a night cap or three every evening. He poured me one, I guess out of habit plus his age is starting to get to him. Bad thing is at the time I kind of wanted to drink it. Kind of bizarre cause I've had no desire to drink in a couple of years. Have a whole bar full of booze and everyone I know drinks and it never phases me. Guess it was just the situation and the environment.

ChiefBromden

Thanks all, great replies!

Well, I normally don't read too much into my behavior, except when it comes to sobriety. The addicted part of me ("the AV") is clever and cunning, so I have learned to .. not to distrust myself, but to wonder if something else is going on, hidden motives etc.. I think that's a good thing, it keeps recovery "active", and prevents getting complacent. Mind you, this was a one off - it's not like this happens all the time, and it also wasn't a big deal. I was just surprised by my fleeting anger, and thought it a good idea to offer it up for closer inspection.

Yes! This comes closest to describing my feelings at the moment. That and also "What if I had been tempted? A potential relapse because someone wasn't paying attention? Is that how easy, how banal it would be?". Then again, that would be disingenuous, as it's still ultimately my responsibility to not let that happen. She may slip that can into my bag (if I hadn't paid attention, I only would have noticed back home), but she's not the one who'd put it to my lips.

Thanks again for the replies, I'm seeing clearer now.

PS: what makes it even more ironic is that I normally drink water and grapefruit juice. A Coke is my way to "indulge" every 2 weeks or so, as it's rather addictive but also very unhealthy (especially when you suffer from neuropathy). So there was already a "really Chief? A Coke" guilt thing going on. The way our minds work...

dwtbd

I went and looked for this post because of something that happened today.
My wife and I are going on a get away beach trip tomorrow. I was doing some weeding and pruning when she came rolling in the drive way. 'Hi Honies"' were exchanged and then she said she got a bottle of wine and a six pack of Coronas, it was so out of the blue and seemingly incongruous. I didn't realize at first she made the comment in way of explaining why she was home later than usual, so a casual throw away as far as she was concerned , but it affected me and then some. I was almost instantly upset and she could tell by me "WHAT? ..WHY?!"
I just huffed off and went to mowing. I have a fair sized lawn so lots of time to think while mowing. What I came up with was
1 prior to her comment I hadn't even heard the AV bring up the age old idea that a hot days gardening chores used to be rewarded... Poor you Yada yada, the comment broke my thereto fore unrecognized revelry of not even noticing the missing AV, weird right?
2 the irritation may come from being caught off guard and having our personal mental space invaded. I'm fine squashing the AV, and pretty good at knowing what places and situations will bring it around or least give an opportunity for it to try some crap, but I at least have fair warning and (thx to a recent poster) can "gird my loins" ( yeah that is cool , thx Frank), but when someone/thing comes up out of the blue , it feels like an affront and we react ,even internally

I told the missus that her comment made me react(though not fully, we have a long car ride tomorrow and she likes to talk, so perhaps she'll get the long version I've subjected the readers to) , she said thanks for letting her know and apologized, I let her know it wasn't necessary, I just had to work through it.

ChiefBromden

That's a very good analysis.

It reminds me of the moment my wife gave me her beer at a rock party because she had to wash her hands, and there were no tables etc. I didn't know if I had to be cross or if I had to appreciate the fact that she completely trusted me.

I talked about it a week or so later. Like you, because I wanted to think it through, and wanted to pick the right moment. It turned out she totally hadn't thought about it, but felt guilty now I mentioned it.

I still see myself sitting there, beer in my hand, grinning and shaking my head.

Sudz No More

I completely understand, it's like someone stuck their foot out to trip you while you walk by. I'm sure it was unintentional by the server but I can see how that would give you a jolt. Glad you held it in, no sense in falling backward and bruising your ass.