Disclosure
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Disclosure
The first six months or so of sobriety was like driving a new car. It still smelled new, I had to pay a lot of attention to the details, and things that had been second nature in my old car took extra consideration and patience.
As time wore on the new smell faded, and the car became familiar and comfortable and reliable. I still see it as precious, it cost me a lot, but it is mine and I take good care of it.
I hit two years of sobriety in June. My life is so much better in every way, I truly don't know if I have ever felt happier, more inspired, fitter or free. I am a new person. Such a small thing to give up to unlock so much.
As I became more comfortable with my new identity I started to be more open and frank about my journey. I have had people say "you look great, what are you doing?" (and not one or two, I don't want to think about the Bride of Chucky look I must have had going before sobriety). I now say I quit drinking. It is not information I am going to offer up unsolicited, but I am proud of this accomplishment and the results that it has yield.
What I wasn't prepared for was the fact that opening up to people affected them as well. I have had numerous people approach me for help, to share the fact that they are struggling in private and need help. Yesterday two more people reached out.
The fact that sharing my vulnerabilities and my struggle can help someone else adds another dimension to the happiness sobriety has brought me. I am not a member of any recovery group away from SR so I sort of didn't expect this.
What I do see happening is that because I offer my experience as frankly as I would about any medical condition, somehow being matter of fact about it I think makes it ok to talk about.
Yesterday someone who works for me told me about a medical procedure they were having done, too much beer. I told him I got it, I like my wine and that I quit two years ago. His eyes lit up and a very important conversation ensued. Then yesterday afternoon I received a phone call from a loved one who is struggling privately, I was honored that she felt safe in letting me help her.
I don't want to at all give off the impression that I think sobriety is no big deal and that I am at any way capable of saving anyone else. But I am aware that for me being forthright about this aspect of my life seems to dispel the shame and highlight the accomplishment. My hope is that as a community we can begin to shift the stigma by treating this affliction as a condition that needs to be addressed, not a moral failing.
Sobriety continues to blow me away. The most astounding thing is that this treasure was there the whole time. When I embraced the fact that it wasn't a matter of "I can't drink" , it was the decision that "I don't drink" that mental shift made a huge difference.…it took a while but it has been absolutely worth it!
As time wore on the new smell faded, and the car became familiar and comfortable and reliable. I still see it as precious, it cost me a lot, but it is mine and I take good care of it.
I hit two years of sobriety in June. My life is so much better in every way, I truly don't know if I have ever felt happier, more inspired, fitter or free. I am a new person. Such a small thing to give up to unlock so much.
As I became more comfortable with my new identity I started to be more open and frank about my journey. I have had people say "you look great, what are you doing?" (and not one or two, I don't want to think about the Bride of Chucky look I must have had going before sobriety). I now say I quit drinking. It is not information I am going to offer up unsolicited, but I am proud of this accomplishment and the results that it has yield.
What I wasn't prepared for was the fact that opening up to people affected them as well. I have had numerous people approach me for help, to share the fact that they are struggling in private and need help. Yesterday two more people reached out.
The fact that sharing my vulnerabilities and my struggle can help someone else adds another dimension to the happiness sobriety has brought me. I am not a member of any recovery group away from SR so I sort of didn't expect this.
What I do see happening is that because I offer my experience as frankly as I would about any medical condition, somehow being matter of fact about it I think makes it ok to talk about.
Yesterday someone who works for me told me about a medical procedure they were having done, too much beer. I told him I got it, I like my wine and that I quit two years ago. His eyes lit up and a very important conversation ensued. Then yesterday afternoon I received a phone call from a loved one who is struggling privately, I was honored that she felt safe in letting me help her.
I don't want to at all give off the impression that I think sobriety is no big deal and that I am at any way capable of saving anyone else. But I am aware that for me being forthright about this aspect of my life seems to dispel the shame and highlight the accomplishment. My hope is that as a community we can begin to shift the stigma by treating this affliction as a condition that needs to be addressed, not a moral failing.
Sobriety continues to blow me away. The most astounding thing is that this treasure was there the whole time. When I embraced the fact that it wasn't a matter of "I can't drink" , it was the decision that "I don't drink" that mental shift made a huge difference.…it took a while but it has been absolutely worth it!
aka Nesty
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northern Vt.
Posts: 1,554
Thanks for sharing your journey jaynie 
I know it make me Happy to help others fight this Nasty disease. As for the ones that think it's no big deal to be sober , all I can assume is they have never walked in an Alcoholic's shoes 
I threw mine out they just didn't feel comfortable any more .
Congrats on your 2 years !!
I know it make me Happy to help others fight this Nasty disease. As for the ones that think it's no big deal to be sober , all I can assume is they have never walked in an Alcoholic's shoes 
I threw mine out they just didn't feel comfortable any more .
Congrats on your 2 years !!
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
"My hope is that as a community we can begin to shift the stigma by treating this affliction as a condition that needs to be addressed, not a moral failing."
How can people be helped if they don't see examples of recovery around them? And that there are even different ways of achieving it? Misconceptions about addiction and addicts are still way too common.
Great post, and it's for the same reason that I'm fairly open about my own recovery.
How can people be helped if they don't see examples of recovery around them? And that there are even different ways of achieving it? Misconceptions about addiction and addicts are still way too common.
Great post, and it's for the same reason that I'm fairly open about my own recovery.
Last edited by Bird615; 07-28-2015 at 07:39 AM. Reason: Fixed quote
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by jaynie04 
...Such a small thing to give up to unlock so much...
Sobriety continues to blow me away. The most astounding thing is that this treasure was there the whole time. When I embraced the fact that it wasn't a matter of "I can't drink" , it was the decision that "I don't drink" that mental shift made a huge difference.…it took a while but it has been absolutely worth it!
Sobriety continues to blow me away. The most astounding thing is that this treasure was there the whole time. When I embraced the fact that it wasn't a matter of "I can't drink" , it was the decision that "I don't drink" that mental shift made a huge difference.…it took a while but it has been absolutely worth it!
Fortunately for me, I embraced that "decision" on my second day of sobriety, four years ago this past Sunday.
Great post, jaynie.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Jaynie, what a great thread! Thank you!
It's uplifting to read that there are people you're able to help IRL. Thank you, too, for being a good friend there as well as here.
Oh, and did your comment about Bride of Chucky ever ring a bell. Yikes. I look at pictures from "before" and my face looks bloaty, with two creases where my eyes should be. I like how I look now. Big change.
Congratulations on two years in June. That's a big accomplishment, Jaynie.
It's uplifting to read that there are people you're able to help IRL. Thank you, too, for being a good friend there as well as here.
Oh, and did your comment about Bride of Chucky ever ring a bell. Yikes. I look at pictures from "before" and my face looks bloaty, with two creases where my eyes should be. I like how I look now. Big change.
Congratulations on two years in June. That's a big accomplishment, Jaynie.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I have given a lot of to this concept of openness in recovery. There are a ton of happy sober people leading productive lives yet we stay in the shadows.
I am pretty open about my recovery but I draw the line at work because there are too many agendas that are not in my best interest.
Sometimes I wonder if my approach is correct because the more people are open the more people will realize those of us in recovery don't have horns or are somehow defective.
Deep thoughts for a shallow mind with no conclusions
I am pretty open about my recovery but I draw the line at work because there are too many agendas that are not in my best interest.
Sometimes I wonder if my approach is correct because the more people are open the more people will realize those of us in recovery don't have horns or are somehow defective.
Deep thoughts for a shallow mind with no conclusions
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Great post, Jaynie; I just saw it for the first time now. I relate to a lot of it. I also experienced a shift in how I handle and express my recovery journey towards what's become a more simple decision and factual component of my life that's natural now. I am also very selective when it comes to being transparent about my alcoholism and sobriety, but I now talk about it rather effortlessly with people and in situations where I consider sharing that information beneficial.
As for people opening up and seeking advice... I've had that more or less in my whole life since I was a kid and, ironically, even when I was drinking heavily in secret (obviously not the best advisor then). I am happy to experience it again now in sobriety and hope for it to be a more evolved version... for example, the always sensitive boundaries between being open and vulnerable and keeping reasonable frames in relationships based on what's best for the actual relationship's nature and goal rather than my own selfish wishes or fears. I really enjoy dealing with these boundary issues now because I rely on my instincts and can behave more spontaneously vs. always trying to figure them out compulsively while hiding a host of secrets. When and how to provide information and care to have the best impact and how to judge when something is too much or irrelevant. If I had to express it simply, I would say my relationships have become much more relaxed and consequently often more meaningful and effective as well. I like this aspect of my recovery a lot.
I definitely agree that the ability and willingness of being vulnerable takes human interactions to a new level... and I think it's best in a combination where intimacy and privacy is in a healthy balance, tailored and suited to the specific relationship in question. We also need to recognize when and how to use our experience and insight constructively with every individual. I'm discovering more and more in sobriety (approaching two years in January) that practicing these things comes quite naturally for me and I often find the challenges in it interesting and enlightening. What a shift compared with the distorted, anxious, insecure world view and feelings while drinking heavily and hiding it!
And yes, I also prefer "I don't drink" vs. "I can't drink". I find the difference between the two statements deeply meaningful not only in the context of my recovery process but also in regard to being aligned with my internal values (decisiveness is a big one for me) in general.
Again, thanks for the post and congrats on your journey
As for people opening up and seeking advice... I've had that more or less in my whole life since I was a kid and, ironically, even when I was drinking heavily in secret (obviously not the best advisor then). I am happy to experience it again now in sobriety and hope for it to be a more evolved version... for example, the always sensitive boundaries between being open and vulnerable and keeping reasonable frames in relationships based on what's best for the actual relationship's nature and goal rather than my own selfish wishes or fears. I really enjoy dealing with these boundary issues now because I rely on my instincts and can behave more spontaneously vs. always trying to figure them out compulsively while hiding a host of secrets. When and how to provide information and care to have the best impact and how to judge when something is too much or irrelevant. If I had to express it simply, I would say my relationships have become much more relaxed and consequently often more meaningful and effective as well. I like this aspect of my recovery a lot.
I definitely agree that the ability and willingness of being vulnerable takes human interactions to a new level... and I think it's best in a combination where intimacy and privacy is in a healthy balance, tailored and suited to the specific relationship in question. We also need to recognize when and how to use our experience and insight constructively with every individual. I'm discovering more and more in sobriety (approaching two years in January) that practicing these things comes quite naturally for me and I often find the challenges in it interesting and enlightening. What a shift compared with the distorted, anxious, insecure world view and feelings while drinking heavily and hiding it!
And yes, I also prefer "I don't drink" vs. "I can't drink". I find the difference between the two statements deeply meaningful not only in the context of my recovery process but also in regard to being aligned with my internal values (decisiveness is a big one for me) in general.
Again, thanks for the post and congrats on your journey
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
Thanks, Jaynie, simply fabulous. You seem to have hit the right note with your post.
For me, the two points that rang were: and Those are two powerful truths. Well done.
For me, the two points that rang were:
The fact that sharing my vulnerabilities and my struggle can help someone else adds another dimension to the happiness sobriety has brought me.
When I embraced the fact that it wasn't a matter of "I can't drink" , it was the decision that "I don't drink" that mental shift made a huge difference.
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