After too many failures, nobody cares that I'm sober.
 

Hi, all. This is my first post on here, but it's something I really need help with.

I've been drinking since I was in eighth grade, at the age of 14. I stopped that same year, but when I was a junior, after a bad relationship, I started again. I drank to deal with depression, loneliness, and self hatred. It's been off and on since then, and I've never gone more than two months clean, and in my senior year and most of freshman year of college, I never made it more than two weeks.

It's now about to be the beginning of my sophomore year. It's a whole new set of circumstances. I've been going out with a girl for six months, and things are going well. I started a new job at Walgreens, away from the unhealthy kind of influences I met in fast food. And to top it off, Sunday was my two months sober.

However, this is after a lot of setbacks. The last time I hit two months was I think February. No one knew that I'd been relapsing until a while back, when I got in a fight with my girlfriend. She almost left me. Since then, I've been fighting to stay sober, and like I said, I'm at two months.

But nobody cares. Out of the people I told, most ignored me, including my parents. Only two of my best friends said anything positive. And to top matters off, my girlfriend, who was so happy last time I was at two months, got incredibly upset with me on the sobriety anniversary, and wouldn't talk to me at all that day. I didn't say anything. Just, "Hey, babe, today is two months sober :)" and then boom went the dynamite.

I don't know what's going on, but I feel like, because of my relapses and failures, no one cares that I'm sober. Ironically enough, it's really hard to deal with without drinking. I honestly feel a little abandoned, like I got back on the wagon and they're making me sit on the bumper.

Sorry if this was long winded and wordy. Just, I'm trying to stay strong and it feels like I'm doing it for nobody. Lord knows I'm not doing it for myself at this point.

Thank you, all.

Yes, you ARE doing it for YOU! You deserve to be healthy and happy. I know it s hard but you can enjoy your life sober.

Thank you for trusting us enough to share.

WE care! I know the feeling - nobody thinks my sobriety's going to last either, because it never did before. That's understandable. But I'm doing it for me, so it doesn't matter if they believe it or not.

When you get to a year sober, they'll believe it, and be proud of you :)

I really can't do it for myself. I've gotten better, but I still struggle too much with self esteem to do this for myself.

When I got sober I didn`t tell anyone mainly because I didn`t have any credibility especially with myself. You`re sober today and that what`s important.

Continue posting here and/or join a support group. No need to put pressure on yourself by telling others you stopped drinking.

I find comfort in the one day at a time approach. I`m just not drinking for today. We`ll talk about tomorrow, tomorrow.

I'm sorry you feel that noone cares IndGerSweIrl - I'm not sure it's that they don't care...it's that often not drinking is no big deal to those who've never had this problem, cos they just don't drink for days weeks months or even years.

I'd also made a lot of promises that I didn't keep about not drinking...so another declaration of being sober for good wasn't really taken seriously until I walked the walk as well as I talked the talk.

Back then someone said to me 'so you want a medal for something you should have been doing all along?'

It stung, yes - but with every sober year that passes I see more and more that my friend had a point and I'm grateful he made it....now :)

It's not to say that we don't deserve support. :)

There are people who know what you've been through and that's why places like SR are important :)

welcome aboard !

D

Hi and welcome.
There is a lot of wisdom and help on this site along with understanding. At your age I’d be very proud for your work and goals to be sober.

In your area I would strongly advise looking up your local AA central service as to where to find local YOUNG PEOPLES AA meetings because they have been a major help for so many and obviously have members who understand the difficulties involved with young people getting sober.

BEST TO YOU AND BE WELL

One thing I did to start building up my poor self-esteem, was to start being good to myself and keeping the promises I made to myself. The longer I stayed sober and the more work I did to improve my life the better I began to feel about being me. This was in spite of how I felt about myself at first; I just did it anyway.
I eventually got my self-respect back.
If I stayed sober for any reason other than for me, I would be at the mercy of outside circumstances, and there would always be the chance that I'd have an excuse to drink again.
Oh, and a big welcome to SR! This is a good place where you can get support.
:c012:

Hi, congratulations on 2 months. Don't fall at this point will you? Your post sounded like you were giving yourself an excuse (nobody cares) in advance to have a drink. Just a few points:
- your emotions are all over the place and you're feeling ultra sensitive - this is normal for someone learning to cope with life without alcohol. You will become stronger and more stable if you can stick out the rocky first months.
- your sobriety is a great bonus for your friends and family, but if you want it to last work out in your mind why it's important for you. One of my motivations was I didn't want to end up a drunk who people felt sorry for. I though I was better than that.
- your friends and family know you have to do this on your own, and they have probably been through the cycle of you announcing you're xxx days sober, then relapsing. If they praise you or say something, it could just end in disappointment again. So don't expect words, just silent appreciation.

I'm agreeing with all the other posters ... I stopped for my health number one . The longer I was sober , the better I felt about myself . I did a lot of damage to my relationship with my children , so through the years they had to harden their hearts - to not get hurt anymore . I know their pain , cause my parents did the same to me .
You have to understand that part of becoming sober . Not many can forgive that easy it takes time , some may never forgive -that's up to them .
Let it go do what makes you Happy :)

If you can't do it for yourself, it's going to be an incredible struggle for you. Be proud of your accomplishment at this point and keep it to yourself.

I'm going to say things a little differently. Friends come and friends go. Sometimes significant others come and go. At the end you are left with yourself. Why not be the healthiest mentally, emotionally and physically that you can be? If I had a list of all my friends that abandoned me.... My advice, work on making you strong.

Congratulations on two months, that's fantastic!
You've been through a lot for someone your age. Your desire and willingness to change are laudable.

I find for me that face to face support along with SR and other sober friends helps a lot. People who are in the "kinship of suffering" know what each other are going through and how difficult the challenges can be. There is also recognition of various periods of sobriety which I found very supportive.

I think we need to recognize as other friends here have posted that normal people don't necessarily herald us for doing the right thing - staying sober. For me what I do and how I live life fully is the fruits of my reward. All else really and our expectations of others behaviors will always leave us short and unfulfilled.

I read your profile this morning - you believe in one that suffered much and asked for no reward. Pray for His guidance daily, draw from that well and you will be sustained ;)

So glad your'e here with us!! ABQ is wonderful place to stay sober - you can help so many others in time........

Hi IndGerSweIrl : everyone here has been in your shoes.. if not months ago .. maybe just a couple of days ago.. stick tight to this group of grand people... and when you are down... hit the keys and tap tap tap. read grow and know that there are a billion Stars in the sky that really do care so very much.. heres a hug from a Mom and a punch in the arm from someone that cares.. ardy.. go get them kiddo go go go ...

Thanks, all, for the support.

I'm not giving myself an excuse to drink, that may have been poorly phrased on my part. Just distressed.

And I've found, with a lot of people, it's not that they don't understand the gravity of it, but rather that they don't believe in the finality of it. I guess I have to accept that people don't expect me to make it.

Good post
I find my serenity to be inversely proportionate to my expectations. I do the best I can one day at a time and don't judge or worry about others opinions of how I am doing.

I know this is easier said than done - but over time this change in our thinking can and does take place.

Actually, i'd argue that you only have to accept that you are an alcoholic and that you can get sober through hard work and an appropriate plan.

What other people think or what other people "expect" is largely irrelevant. What is important is taking action and believing in yourself...because you are the only one that can really make a difference in regards to your sobriety. And you do have the power within you to do it...you just need to learn how to apply it.

It was one of the biggest surprises and disappointments of sobriety that people just didn't seem to care about my sobriety. Now after almost four years since my last drink I get some positive feed back from my family and friends now and again. It feels good but not as good as not being tethered to alcohol anymore.

Persevering through the boredom, anguish, and disappointments of early sobriety are the ultimate example of "delayed gratification". It's like saving money in the bank, you'll be so glad that you did it but it seems very boring at the time. You should be proud of yourself for getting through two months. If you stay on the wagon it's two months that you'll never have to experience again.

Thanks for posting, Ind. I see a mindset, and it's one I had for the longest time regarding quitting drinking. And it's looking at sobriety as a chore, like something that has to be painfully endured while you rack up days, trying to prove to everyone you're "really serious" this time. I fell into that trap for a long time.

I think the key is to work on yourself to make sobriety worthwhile. I've heard, there's a difference between being sober, and just being dry. It's a journey, not a race. There's no big prize you win for getting X number of days.

Don't get me wrong, 2 months is awesome, and time sober should be praised. I'm just saying trying to change your mindset to learning to live sober, and try not to focus on whether people believe you or not. Look for some recovery support, like AA or SMART. Talk to other alcoholics who understand. Just my 2 cents, good luck

Nothing has EVER happened to me that has hurt my self esteem more than drinking. Not one single thing.

Stay sober. Find other alcoholics for support here at SR and local support groups. Your family will be proud of you (they probably are now, just worried it won't last). Prove them wrong...make it last.

It is worth it. YOU are worth it.