Don't drink; don't smoke, what do you do?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 13
Don't drink; don't smoke, what do you do?
Sober for three weeks, near as damn it, and miserable as hell. Been ok up until today, but now I just feel a real black dog coming on. Feel bored, and isolated from my social group. Not having a good day. Cranky with my kids, snappy with my husband. Filled with self loathing at my bloated and ruined face and body (I was once a real beauty).
This is my first real break from the booze for 20, nah, more like 25 years. I'm 42, and I've built my life around being a drunk. I live near to the centre of town, so I don't need to drive; my house is a custom built 'party house' and all my friends are hardened drinkers.
I feel lost, and boring, and without identity. I miss the drama and the excitement of being in a group of drunks, and I miss sitting on the sofa getting slowly rat arsed. So, I'm in bed, reading forums. Suffering through the anxiety rather than numbing it, and it's ******* hard.
Apparently some big old sunny rays will shoot out if the sky at some point and I'll be like, "Hell yeah! This is what it's all about!" And I will look back on my drunk self with pity.
My sober journey was great at the start. I felt all optimistic and suffused with hope. Now I'm just ******* BORED.
This is my first real break from the booze for 20, nah, more like 25 years. I'm 42, and I've built my life around being a drunk. I live near to the centre of town, so I don't need to drive; my house is a custom built 'party house' and all my friends are hardened drinkers.
I feel lost, and boring, and without identity. I miss the drama and the excitement of being in a group of drunks, and I miss sitting on the sofa getting slowly rat arsed. So, I'm in bed, reading forums. Suffering through the anxiety rather than numbing it, and it's ******* hard.
Apparently some big old sunny rays will shoot out if the sky at some point and I'll be like, "Hell yeah! This is what it's all about!" And I will look back on my drunk self with pity.
My sober journey was great at the start. I felt all optimistic and suffused with hope. Now I'm just ******* BORED.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome Witchy....the "pink cloud" of early sobriety sometimes breaks hard and reality sets in..I think you may be there now. Most likely you are going to have to make some hard choices about who you hang out with and where you do it.
A good read is always found here when you are looking for somethign to do besides drink
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
You might want to join a monthly or daily thread over in the newcomers forum too....it helps to have others that are going through the same things as you.
A good read is always found here when you are looking for somethign to do besides drink
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html
You might want to join a monthly or daily thread over in the newcomers forum too....it helps to have others that are going through the same things as you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 13
Pink cloud
Love the idea of my pink cloud having broken, it's a very accurate metaphor. I don't know why today is so hard. I guess I'm just missing my fluffy rainbow unicorns, the ones that danced on my pink cloud and sprayed me with positivity!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Houston Texas
Posts: 21
Let me know if you find the answer.....I'm a year in and bored to death. Everything social revolves around drinking. I joined a bowling league, everyone drinks. I joined a book club, everyone drinks. Go to the lake? drinking. Sporting events? drinking. Brunch? drinking BBQ's? drinking. The only place I go where drinking doesn't occur is the gym. And my mom's church. But her ladies bible study does include wine......I'm trying here but the world is a lonely place for sober people who want to not be around other's drinking. Sorry to be such a pessimist but I'm in the same boat.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 13
They're all drunk
Hey, it's not like you're telling me anything I don't know. I went to a festival this weekend, and it was the first time I've been sober around drunks. I thought it would still be fun, but it was shocking! They were so messed up and so stupid. It just made me lonely! Crazy that I miss being in a group of people who are weeping raving idiots... I guess I don't really.
There's an AA phrase I read somewhere "less drama, more laundry" Ummmm? No bloody thank you! I don't want to do LAUNDRY! I want to set the world on fire... I'm just not sure how...
There's an AA phrase I read somewhere "less drama, more laundry" Ummmm? No bloody thank you! I don't want to do LAUNDRY! I want to set the world on fire... I'm just not sure how...
aka Nesty
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northern Vt.
Posts: 1,554
Witchy , may not make you feel any better . We all go through that Thinking back to the (good old days) the thing about that is . That's one reason among others why we quit . The so called good - turned ugly - the more you drink the crapper you feel . You hope & pray to get out ..
That's how I look at it now . I miss it , but not what it was doing to me
Gezz my whole neighborhood parties ... wish I you luck finding something that works .
That's how I look at it now . I miss it , but not what it was doing to me
Gezz my whole neighborhood parties ... wish I you luck finding something that works .
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Sunny Florida
Posts: 304
I know exactly what you mean. Its the reason I usually start drinking again.. What I do is read, get on SR and I joined a gym today. All of my friends and my husband are all drinkers. I live at the Beach where boating ,beaching and bars are an every day occurrence. I feel for you but I guess we quit for a reason and just need to remember it I spose
learning to live
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,665
Try really hard to remember why you quit. You are romanticizing the drink. You totally would not have made a commitment to stop drinking 21 days ago IF it was all rainbows and unicorns.
Growth takes effort. That beam from the sky you call happiness will not appear out of nowhere, you have to find it. If you are like me when I drank I never figured out who I was or what I liked because all I did was get drunk or work. I lost me...well I never found me.
Once we quit stuff gets real and we have to fight really hard to find our place in a sober world. But, you can find that. It will take lots of effort but you can find what makes you happy. Nothing worth having comes easy. You have to fight to figure out who you are. 42 is young and you have a lot of life left ahead of you. I bet you anything your best days are yet to come. You have to tell yourself that when you get here. Have faith. Keep trying and staying sober. Each day will add up and each day you will learn a little more. If you keep hanging in there you will get those ah-ha moments and you will see how much a better life the sober one is for you.
Hugs!!!! You deserve a happy life. Don't quit witchy!
Growth takes effort. That beam from the sky you call happiness will not appear out of nowhere, you have to find it. If you are like me when I drank I never figured out who I was or what I liked because all I did was get drunk or work. I lost me...well I never found me.
Once we quit stuff gets real and we have to fight really hard to find our place in a sober world. But, you can find that. It will take lots of effort but you can find what makes you happy. Nothing worth having comes easy. You have to fight to figure out who you are. 42 is young and you have a lot of life left ahead of you. I bet you anything your best days are yet to come. You have to tell yourself that when you get here. Have faith. Keep trying and staying sober. Each day will add up and each day you will learn a little more. If you keep hanging in there you will get those ah-ha moments and you will see how much a better life the sober one is for you.
Hugs!!!! You deserve a happy life. Don't quit witchy!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
I think what a lot of drinkers feel in early recovery and call boredom is really the low-level discontent with sobriety. Our addiction knows the buttons to push to get us to drink.
Growpath makes a good point. Why don't you tell us why you decided to get sober.
Originally Posted by growpath 
Try really hard to remember why you quit. You are romanticizing the drink. You totally would not have made a commitment to stop drinking 21 days ago IF it was all rainbows and unicorns.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Hi Witchy and welcome. 
I started getting serious about getting sober in my 40's. I, too, have had those feelings like I was missing out.
But...
This weekend, a neighbor threw a big bash. It was overrun with drunk middle aged people acting like teenagers. Truth was, they all looked ridiculous - kinda like the balding guy with the ponytail in the corvette, with the the gold chains and pinky ring. And the Ed Hardy shirt on.
Yuck.
Watching them searching to obliterate themselves so they didn't have to cop to getting old, was just sad. As hell.
That was me a year ago. I was at that party slugging down bottles upon bottles of wine, making a perfect ass of myself. I still shudder thinking about the next morning.
Time marches on. None of us are getting out of here alive. But if at all possible, I'd like to exit stage left with as much dignity (and authenticity) as humanly possible.
The party. It's over. Time to come home.
I started getting serious about getting sober in my 40's. I, too, have had those feelings like I was missing out.
But...
This weekend, a neighbor threw a big bash. It was overrun with drunk middle aged people acting like teenagers. Truth was, they all looked ridiculous - kinda like the balding guy with the ponytail in the corvette, with the the gold chains and pinky ring. And the Ed Hardy shirt on.
Yuck.
Watching them searching to obliterate themselves so they didn't have to cop to getting old, was just sad. As hell.
That was me a year ago. I was at that party slugging down bottles upon bottles of wine, making a perfect ass of myself. I still shudder thinking about the next morning.
Time marches on. None of us are getting out of here alive. But if at all possible, I'd like to exit stage left with as much dignity (and authenticity) as humanly possible.
The party. It's over. Time to come home.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
It's just a different kind of fun when you're not drinking. It's kinda been like learning to walk again, honestly. I felt naked without a drink in my hand and a buzz numbing my brain.
Again though, it's just different. If drinking had been fun in the end I would've missed it for sure but honestly I didn't miss it.
Drinking in the end meant getting sloppy and belligerent and embarrassing myself. Or sometimes, even worse when I would insult other people and become verbally abusive. Years ago I was fun when I drank. In the end though people avoided me.
This was perhaps the hardest lesson for me to really drill into my brain. I was not having fun while I was drinking. Quite the opposite.
That was not fun at all. So if I missed anything it certainly wouldn't be missing any sort of "fun."
If a non-alcoholic stopped drinking, they would miss the fun aspects.
Again though, it's just different. If drinking had been fun in the end I would've missed it for sure but honestly I didn't miss it.
Drinking in the end meant getting sloppy and belligerent and embarrassing myself. Or sometimes, even worse when I would insult other people and become verbally abusive. Years ago I was fun when I drank. In the end though people avoided me.
This was perhaps the hardest lesson for me to really drill into my brain. I was not having fun while I was drinking. Quite the opposite.
That was not fun at all. So if I missed anything it certainly wouldn't be missing any sort of "fun."
If a non-alcoholic stopped drinking, they would miss the fun aspects.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Witchy your still beautiful & what you describe with your face will fade with sober time i felt like this at 3 weeks like sobriety owed me something but i was all is this what i got sober for ?
It was frustrating but then i was talking about it at meetings & a few ppl friends & family said what brings you joy i said i like to play snooker i like to cook i like good modern magic the more i thought about the things i used to enjoy before the drink the more i started to get back involved in stuff
i started with a dynamo dvd (magic) i got really involved with cooking food lunches picnics etc i asked my brother to play snooker he ended up getting me a personalised cue for my 32nd bday
I started making lots of time for my family & became a trusted uncle i have a neice who is 4 and i love her reality doing fun things like fairy princess dancing
i even get the names of my lil pony wrong on purpose to see her face scrunch up and say its rainbow dancer not rainbow unicorn lol
At 3 weeks my advice is to have a plan, write a journal of your feelings to look back on think about what brought you joy before the drink and think about things that will bring you happiness
It was frustrating but then i was talking about it at meetings & a few ppl friends & family said what brings you joy i said i like to play snooker i like to cook i like good modern magic the more i thought about the things i used to enjoy before the drink the more i started to get back involved in stuff
i started with a dynamo dvd (magic) i got really involved with cooking food lunches picnics etc i asked my brother to play snooker he ended up getting me a personalised cue for my 32nd bday
I started making lots of time for my family & became a trusted uncle i have a neice who is 4 and i love her reality doing fun things like fairy princess dancing
i even get the names of my lil pony wrong on purpose to see her face scrunch up and say its rainbow dancer not rainbow unicorn lol
At 3 weeks my advice is to have a plan, write a journal of your feelings to look back on think about what brought you joy before the drink and think about things that will bring you happiness
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Even after somewhere around 7 years of not drinking I still get that "left out" feeling when I'm around a group of people drinking and seeming to have a good time. I just think to myself "Been there, done that and it didn't work for me". Even if those feelings never go away it's really just some passing thoughts, I can deal with that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 13
Wow! So much good advice! I guess that's what you get in a forum of non drunks, huh? I have felt much better today, no real reason for it, although I feel that expressing myself on here last night helped. It makes me realise what a whining little pleb I am when I voice my negativity out loud. That added to some of the things you guys said, helped bump me back to reality. I have come back here tonight for more. I'll read some other posts, do some thinking, be positive, keep going. Xxxx
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,822
adamant?
I think as long as you stay adamant , dont drink dont smoke, the blanks of what do you do will fill themselves in , they have too really.
Been there done that too many times on the drinking thing, so ... bring on the rest. Being negative and the feelings associated are responses , so stimulus goes in and gets processed and then we 'feel', yeah?
For me at least drinking for so long had me taking everything in and the processing was pretty much on autopilot 'gigo' , garbage in garbage out kinda thing.
Me now clearheaded and present all the tim e, is getting a better handle on the idea that I can control/steer have some more input into the processing part , help creat some of the outflow. Or I'm turning into an armchair psychobabbling new age whatever, lol.
Either way, good luck , stay present and 'turn those frowns upside down" LOL
I think as long as you stay adamant , dont drink dont smoke, the blanks of what do you do will fill themselves in , they have too really.
Been there done that too many times on the drinking thing, so ... bring on the rest. Being negative and the feelings associated are responses , so stimulus goes in and gets processed and then we 'feel', yeah?
For me at least drinking for so long had me taking everything in and the processing was pretty much on autopilot 'gigo' , garbage in garbage out kinda thing.
Me now clearheaded and present all the tim e, is getting a better handle on the idea that I can control/steer have some more input into the processing part , help creat some of the outflow. Or I'm turning into an armchair psychobabbling new age whatever, lol.
Either way, good luck , stay present and 'turn those frowns upside down" LOL
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by witchy
Wow! So much good advice! I guess that's what you get in a forum of non drunks, huh?
I love alcoholics, turns out I love them even more sober! We have common problems that I thought were unique to me. What a relief to discover others drank due to anxiety, boredom, fear, loneliness etc.......
Good people (mostly
) who did bad things, sometimes. I go to meetings, that helps me a lot - greatest show around with sober drunks only costing me a dollar, and that's at my discretion!
Glad you're here and congrats on 3 weeks!!!
keep coming back!
Omnivore
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Winter Water Wonder Land
Posts: 516
Originally Posted by emilycrystal
Let me know if you find the answer.....I'm a year in and bored to death. Everything social revolves around drinking. I joined a bowling league, everyone drinks. I joined a book club, everyone drinks. Go to the lake? drinking. Sporting events? drinking. Brunch? drinking BBQ's? drinking. The only place I go where drinking doesn't occur is the gym. And my mom's church. But her ladies bible study does include wine......I'm trying here but the world is a lonely place for sober people who want to not be around other's drinking. Sorry to be such a pessimist but I'm in the same boat.
That being said, Witchy, I was sober for about 6 months recently. I remember after about 6 weeks of being sober I started feeling above it all. I had pity for the poor souls that still drank. Even the moderate social drinkers with no noticeable effects from drinking, I pitted them. I might get annoyed being around drinkers but I had no desire to join them. I remember hanging with my brother in law, who I have zero in common with, but liked his company suddenly bc he never drank. He "got it" too that these others were pathetic, the ones that drink.
Then I drank again. Ugh.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: nc
Posts: 765
I know exactly what you're talking about. I've drank for the last 6 years especially the last 2 because I enjoyed it.. then when my 17 year marriage broke up I just could not handle it and then I was drinking for a different reason all together... I never thought I'd get to the point that I was drinking around the clock. I was averaging about a fifth of bourbon a day.
Now I have cirrhosis and have done things to my health that will never be the same.. I've been sober 9 plus months now and I can honestly say I don't miss it.
It is so easy to go from having fun to full dependency physically and mentally. Boy it's no fun at all once things get to that point. I guess I finally got sick and tired enough to be done with it. I'm not foolish enough to believe that I'll never be tempted again, But one of the things that helps me the most is to play the whole scene in my head.
I go ahead and imaging the beginning and the end of an episode of drinking whether it is missing the partying with friends or to numb hurtful memories.. either way my story always ends up the same.. Nothing to show for those few hours spent drinking accept more damage to my body that will never fully recover, and the self loathing that comes with giving in to the nasty stuff that almost killed me. I hope maybe that can help you... Hang in there.. you have everything to gain by staying sober and everything to lose if you don't because once you've lost your health,, nothing else will matter...
Now I have cirrhosis and have done things to my health that will never be the same.. I've been sober 9 plus months now and I can honestly say I don't miss it.
It is so easy to go from having fun to full dependency physically and mentally. Boy it's no fun at all once things get to that point. I guess I finally got sick and tired enough to be done with it. I'm not foolish enough to believe that I'll never be tempted again, But one of the things that helps me the most is to play the whole scene in my head.
I go ahead and imaging the beginning and the end of an episode of drinking whether it is missing the partying with friends or to numb hurtful memories.. either way my story always ends up the same.. Nothing to show for those few hours spent drinking accept more damage to my body that will never fully recover, and the self loathing that comes with giving in to the nasty stuff that almost killed me. I hope maybe that can help you... Hang in there.. you have everything to gain by staying sober and everything to lose if you don't because once you've lost your health,, nothing else will matter...
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