So tired!!!
 

I hope it's over now! The last few weeks I keep going into this cycle ugh the weekends get out of control and I tell myself I'm done doing this I feel horrible guilty for a couple days and go right back into! Blackouts and shame! This weekend I was able to control my drinking but I still feel sad. Alcohol isn't for me... I use to tell myself I wanted to be a social drinker but I don't anymore!!! I need to be done!!! I'm so tired and don't want something horrible to happen for me to change!:( I sound like a broken record!

Have you been to an AA meeting yet?

Hi there, I just wanted you to know that I totally relate to your post. What action steps are you taking for recovery? Sobriety is about action for me. I can't think my way into sobriety, I have to take action. Do you have a plan?

Here is something I posted in the Newcomers section a few days ago. I've listed some of the ACTION I am taking to stay sober. You may find something on there useful. :-)

Things I am doing NOW to stay sober:

* First and foremost I had to hit the emotional bottom I hit (which felt like hell) to realize I didn't want to drink anymore. After my last drunk I wanted to kill myself but knew I couldn't and wouldn't because of my kids and husband. I would never do that to them and also realized I really DIDN'T want to die and DON'T want to die....I just wanted the pain to stop. I had a "lightbulb moment" and realized that drinking was always going to take me to that dark space and I was suddenly willing to go to any length to stop and stay stopped.

*Another thing I did was have a "heart to heart" talk with my husband. I told him the truth about how much I had been struggling and how hard it has been for me. I told him I needed his support and prayers. He assured me he loved me and would be there for me. I am lucky. It feels good to know he knows everything.

*I have also been really focusing on just taking it 24 hours at a time! I even put sticky notes everywhere to remind me that I only have to do this ONE day at a time. When I have cravings I remind myself that I only have to do this TODAY...just until bed time. Or I may even break it down into hours or minutes if I need to.

*I have support people & a sponsor from AA helping me and am going to meetings and working the steps. I get lonely when I am not around other alcoholics (people who truly understand me) so the face to face helps. I also have a lot of crap in my head (resentments etc) that I need to work on through the steps etc. From previous experience I know the 12 Steps are so freeing for me.

*I have been watching HALT. I can't be hungry, angry, lonely or tired. I add an S to the end of that for "stressed" too. So mine is HALTS. :-) Not skipping a meal is CRITICAL for me!

*I have been doing a lot of "self-care" and giving myself a break! Rome wasn't built in a day! Easy does it! I'm trying to be kind to myself and if my "to-do list" doesn't get done immediately...oh well. THE most important thing I can do each day is NOT drink! Everything else is secondary because if I drink none of that other crap will get done anyway!

*I try to reward myself in small ways each day I stay sober.

*I avoid TOXIC people right now....especially some family members!

*I take naps if I need one.

*I drink ice water with lemon in it. A friend from AA said that helps.

*I'm taking vitamins, B-complex etc daily.

*I pay attention to the time. I always get cravings between 3:00ish and 6:00ish so I am VERY careful during that time and make sure I eat, take a nap, distract myself etc.

*I'm avoiding a lot of sugar so I don't get sugar cravings when I crash (aka alcohol cravings) since alcohol is all sugar.

*I don't smoke or drink caffeine. I smoked cigarettes when to drank. :-( Nicotine and caffeine are both proven to cause alcohol cravings since they affect the same receptors in the brain.

*I have been reading posts here on SR, reading a great book called Blackout and other recovery material and meditations.

*I have been exercising when I have the energy...even if it's just a short walk.

*I have been avoiding ALL drinking situations even if people aren't happy about it! I MUST be selfish right now or these people won't have me around anyway because I will be dead. :-(

*I have been trying to remember to (((breathe))).

*I have been avoiding things that normal stress me out or make me angry as much as possible.

*I pray a lot....especially the Serenity prayer.

*I try to be grateful and humble.

*I try to be kind and not be an ass when I am driving. Haha. (I have had slight road rage incidents in the past).

*If I get upset or angry with someone, I write it down on a "list of resentments". I can deal with it later in step 4 & 5. Sometimes I immediately pray for them. Resentments are the #1 offender. They take down more alcoholics than anything. :-(

*I avoid all confrontation! HUGE trigger for me! Even if it means just nicely walking away.

*Trying to work on learning to meditate/mindfulness.

*I'm trying to turn things over to God (my higher power) and trust him.

*I am journaling.

*I try to help someone each day...even if it's just something small....to "get out of myself".

*I trying to spend quality time with my kids and animals. They make me happy.

*I have been cooking new recipes for the family. I LOVE to cook and it calms me.

*I am trying not to have expectations.

*I am trying to work on acceptance.

*I am trying to work on "live and let live". I'm trying to just focus on MYSELF and not control or change others.

*I am posting on SR!!!

Hmmm....that's all I can think of so far but those are all the things I am trying to do one day at a time to re-build my sober life!