Easilypleased

I'm two and a quarter years sober and just lately I keep thinking about what it would be like to have a blow out, I'm dreaming about it regularly too. I am going to get myself to a few meetings this week. I know it's a terrible idea but I cant help thinking about it. I was wondering if anyone has ever done something similar and whether they could warn me against it, I don't like speaking at meetings so it's difficult to bring something like this up there. I keep thinking about going on vacation for a week to some party destination and letting loose. I think I know the reason behind it too, all I seem to hear at the moment is my friends having epic times, out partying and just enjoying themselves. What can I say, I guess I'm jealous! Please no sarcastic comments about not being so 'easily pleased' - it's just a username! ;-) Thanks

Fly N Buy

This might work - a friend posted it on another thread yesterday......

April,
The only advice I can give you is from my experience. I was right at 2 years +or- a few weeks. We went on a wonderful vacation to Europe. I decided I was able to prove I could drink, once in a great while.
After the vacation, I decided I could drink moderately, then ok to get drunk with friends, then ok to get drunk at home, then start hiding how much I was actually drinking. Back to the hole I started in. I'm at day 5 now and it sucks. It could have been prevented... That AV is sneaky.


http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5462643


I can't add anything else -
Glad you posted!

Soberwolf

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

In my kindest voice can i ask why did you get sober ?

Easilypleased

Hi Soberwolf, the reason i got sober was because I am a text book alcoholic. I was hospitalised on my first drink at 16. Then it was a gradual incline through my 20's, more hospitals, police cells and then came the black outs. Lost friends and annoyed family. Detoxed three or four times and this is the longest I've been sober. I guess I've just answered 'why' I shouldn't have a 'blow out' haven't I? I just keep thinking about having a week on it, partying hard and then cold turkeying straight away - this just isn't going to happen is it?? It was just such a massive part of my life and when I hear about my pals having great times on the drink and drugs it's really difficult. I'm glad I came here.

2ndhandrose

Hi Easilypleased,

I was sober and in recovery for 6 years when I decided to "have a blow out".

My blow out lasted 22 years.

I really planned to go a bit crazy and just get it out of my system and get right back on the sober wagon. Well, lucky me, I lived to tell the story. Here I am 22 years later, I am just over 6 months sober. My new plan is no more blow outs ever.

Please don't be me.

tomdecel

Years ago, before I got a handle on this thing, I would go on for months without drinking and all of a sudden feel like I was stuck inside a pressure cooker. All I needed was to just let some of the steam out.

Problem is, I could not just let a bit of the steam out without totally blowing up. There was no such thing as stopping cold turkey after a bit of the steam was out. I actually went on several trips with just that intention, but it would always take weeks or months, with a slew of drinking related calamities, before I could get a hold of myself and stop again.

Forget about the trip, forget about wanting a blow out. Other people can party hard all night (or week) and get up the next day as if nothing happened. I definitely can not stop, so my mind does not go there.

Reinforce your reasons for staying sober. Rejoice on your 2 and a quarter years clean. Look ahead to 3 years and then 4 and 5. Make those 27 to 28 months matter. That is a remarkable accomplishment. Congratulations. I bet those other people "having fun getting drunk" cant do what you did.

Dee74

I had a blow out one night in 2004...didn't get sober again, drinking daily, until 2007.

However good the idea might sound? It's just not worth it.

What kept me sober was finally working out I can have epic times too, sober.
If you build a sober life you love, there's no reason to want to escape it.

I poisoned myself for 20 years. The last 8 years have been amazing. I hope you'll stick with it.

Make your sober life amazing too

D

least

I know I could have another drunk left in me, but I don't know if I've got any more recovery. Your blow out might be your last. You don't know what might happen. Could be something really bad. Please don't give up your sobriety. It's just not worth it.

ScottFromWI

Yep....you did!


"Textbook alcoholics" do have thoughts like you are having.....usually when we stray from our plan and somehow think we are cured. It can happen at 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years, even 2 decades. The scary part is how fast you will return to your old destructive ways. It can literally happen overnight. There is no such thigh as a "freebie"....drinking now will come with massive consequences.

thomas11

Hi Easilypleased, not sure how old you are but in the end it's not really important. I have had (and sometimes still do) the very same thoughts. Twenty some years ago I was part of a tight knit group of guys and we did some partying that was insane. There was drinking but also drugs involved and they would last 2-3 days (so you can imagine what kind of drugs). Unlimited supplies of everything. Truly crazy. I occasionally ponder about "just one more time". But just as I find myself thinking about it a bit too much, I slap myself (figuratively) and think "are you frickin crazy!" and it goes away.
There are 2 thoughts that keep from doing it. One is that I am too old and not sure if I'd live through it. The other one (and I think this is more important), is that I've been there, done that. Its not like it would be any different, right? I tell myself to leave that crazy stuff to the next generation, they are better at it anyway. And I'm sure when we were doing it, some old duffer like myself was saying the same thing.

least

When I started drinking again in '07 I threw away 20 years sobriety. Within six months of starting again, I was drinking all day, every day. Don't do that. It's not worth it.

zjw

Great thread I have the same insane ideas at time too was thinking I was nuts I won't act upon it because I'm scared because of stories like these but I get it one last hurrah or something I joke with my wife how goo 2 week bender might be nice but I know I just can't I know it wouldn't end well

Easilypleased

Thanks for these posts guys and gals, big help! I'm 37 btw Thomas11 but like you say probably doesn't make any difference. I've done a lot of reading on past threads, etc and it looks like a bad case of the AV raising its ugly head, in disguise, thought it was time it would play a dirty trick on me!! At the end of the day I'm still sober and that's the most important thing (in the world). I generally don't attend AA but I think I'll make an effort in the next couple of weeks. One of the last benders I was on they wouldn't let me on the return plane home because I was too drunk so I guess that says it all!!! Thanks again.

Bird615

When I get those thoughts of "one more time" now and don't follow through on them, I look back on it the next day and see that I was literally insane for thinking I could try it anymore. The relief that I didn't pick up that drink again is incredible.

JeffreyAK

What would it be like? Keep playing the tape, is what I learned in rehab, and it can really help. You party it up, and then what happens? How will you feel? Are you likely to keep drinking and sink back into the hole you escaped from? What was that hole like? How hard will it be to climb out the next time? Do you think you can climb out one more time? Thinking through the whole process can bring us back to reality sometimes.

2muchpain

Don't mean to be harsh Easilypleased, but with your history; what makes you think you will even have a chance to cold turkey it again? Are you sure it's worth the risk? You've already been through a lot. John

Easilypleased

It's fine John, sometimes I need harsh. It's 5:30 Monday morning here in the UK, I'm just about to get up, guilt free with no thoughts of 'who did I upset last night?' 'where was I?' 'who do I need to call?' sometimes I need reminding of these awful times. You're right with my history I might not even survive the bender to go through cold turkey! Think I'm seeing sense again, moment of weakness!

Easilypleased

Thank you, no matter how good the party I'm still going to wake up (if I slept) with anxiety and regret which I know full well will lead to a drink in the morning because it always did before.

Eddiebuckle

One of the things I heard in AA that has stuck with me: "If you ever forget your last drunk, you probably haven't had it yet." A friend of mine from AA went on a "vacation" like you described. They found his bass boat going in circles, he had been fishing at a local lake - a half eaten steak dinner, and the remains of a twelve pack of beer and a fifth of vodka were found as well. His body was discovered the next day by rescue divers.

Don't assume that you can ever choose to go back to the "fun" period of your drinking career. If that was the case, I doubt any of us would be here. Those that "make it" do so because we have accepted that there are no short cuts, vacations, or do-overs when it comes to alcohol. We do what we have to stay sober, or we die.

MelindaFlowers

The first few things that came to my mind, reasons I can't have a blowout:

1. I couldn't do one more HANGOVER. Ever heard of kindling? My hangover would last for a week.

2. A week later I'd want another blowout.

3. I would be throwing all my hard work, progress, growth, and healing down the toilet.

4. If I drank again, what I would get would not even resemble what I might expect. It would be a huge disappointment of sickness and regret.

No thank you.

And about the old AA saying, "if you can't remember your last drunk you probably haven't had it yet...?"

I remember my last drunk clear as a freakin' bell.

(370~ish days later)