Anniversary.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Anniversary.
Today is the anniversary of my sister's sons death. He would of been 7. This year instead of going to the park to let of balloons to honor him, she being the crazy sister that she is, is going sky diving for the first time! She never ceases to amaze me with her bravery 
It is hard today to not remember the horrors of that day 7 years ago and all the grief and sadness that followed. And it hurts to think about the little boy who is not a part of our lives anymore. The hole left in our family. The shock and unfathomable depth of grief in my sisters eyes. How unreal it seemed.
I'm not sure what I'll do with myself today, past years I drank. This year that is not an option.
It is hard today to not remember the horrors of that day 7 years ago and all the grief and sadness that followed. And it hurts to think about the little boy who is not a part of our lives anymore. The hole left in our family. The shock and unfathomable depth of grief in my sisters eyes. How unreal it seemed.
I'm not sure what I'll do with myself today, past years I drank. This year that is not an option.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
I hate the way that my AV is trying to exploit my emotions. A beer or 12 would go down really good today.
I'm fighting it. I know that the best way to honor him and myself and my children is by staying sober.
I'm fighting it. I know that the best way to honor him and myself and my children is by staying sober.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
drinking wont solve anything and if your anything like me you'd end up with an additional problem or more after drinking.
Hang in there. I cant fathom what it must be like to loose a child in the family. I have 6 kids and god help me if i ever lost one it might do me in!
But I spoke to my grandfather about this once since him and my grandmohter lost my moms twin sister at 5 years old. I said I dunno if i could handle such a thing. He said you might surpise yourself and rise to the occaision I said I hope so but from my point of view it still seems unfathomable.
I guess the point would be to rise to the occaision and overcome the urge to drink on a day like this.
Hang in there. I cant fathom what it must be like to loose a child in the family. I have 6 kids and god help me if i ever lost one it might do me in!
But I spoke to my grandfather about this once since him and my grandmohter lost my moms twin sister at 5 years old. I said I dunno if i could handle such a thing. He said you might surpise yourself and rise to the occaision I said I hope so but from my point of view it still seems unfathomable.
I guess the point would be to rise to the occaision and overcome the urge to drink on a day like this.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,531
Zen, I'd like to send you some love today. 
I'm sorry for the tragedy your family had 7 yrs. ago. I agree that drinking never helps - the way we imagine it will. Getting numb for a while just prolongs the inevitable pain. We need to go through these things so we can grow. Prayers for you & your loved ones.
I'm sorry for the tragedy your family had 7 yrs. ago. I agree that drinking never helps - the way we imagine it will. Getting numb for a while just prolongs the inevitable pain. We need to go through these things so we can grow. Prayers for you & your loved ones.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Yeah I"m in a lot of pain today. Most of the time I try not to think about it but today the floodgates have opened and I don't have it together at all. I drank my way through all the grief..... it feels really raw today crying over it sober. It just breaks my heart into a thousand pieces.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Sorry this anniversary has so much grief for you today (((Zen))). I lost a sister when I was 15. She was 6 years of age. Run over by a drunken driver. She , Cathy, died on the way to hospital. That was back in the early '70's. I was drinking hard back then, like you, to escape the pain. Drinking didn't help though for long, and eventually it made it all worse. As you well know, drinking to escape pain isn't doable. The pain comes back all the same.
Getting through it sober is always the best choice today and every day after. I know it's not easy. Keep sharing. Keep talking about how your getting through. You're not alone.
Getting through it sober is always the best choice today and every day after. I know it's not easy. Keep sharing. Keep talking about how your getting through. You're not alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
I feel like I've come out the other side..... I cried my heart out until I had a terrible headache, then I had a nap, just finished eating most of a pizza.
I came dangerously close to drinking today. I really wanted to. But I didn't.
I'm sorry that you lost your sister Robby. When children die it's just so hard to make sense of it. When an adult dies at least they got a chance to live their lives but children and babies..... I don't know, there's a whole life that just never was. All the things that never got to happen. I have to say that after going through this I learned to appreciate my children in a way that I wouldn't have..... I never felt put upon by them again. I learned that life is fragile and that it can be taken away from you. I value them in a way that I didn't before he died, in a way I took them for granted.
Him dying was one thing in a sequence of events that lead me into alcoholism. First was my friend going missing and her murder. Next was my ex husband beating me for the very last time and our divorce and facing the world alone with two small children. After that the utter senseless tragedy of my nephew dying. Then my mother's bf, a man I'd known since I was a little girl, getting cancer and passing very quickly. All this happened in the space of around 2 years and my drinking, although excessive when I drank already, turned from social, to at home alone every day just to cope. Then we all know the story.... after awhile you need to drink even if you don't really want to.
I think I will go to bed early and sober tonight and hope that tomorrow is a better day. My kids come home from their dads tomorrow and I can't wait to see them and hug them tight.
I came dangerously close to drinking today. I really wanted to. But I didn't.
I'm sorry that you lost your sister Robby. When children die it's just so hard to make sense of it. When an adult dies at least they got a chance to live their lives but children and babies..... I don't know, there's a whole life that just never was. All the things that never got to happen. I have to say that after going through this I learned to appreciate my children in a way that I wouldn't have..... I never felt put upon by them again. I learned that life is fragile and that it can be taken away from you. I value them in a way that I didn't before he died, in a way I took them for granted.
Him dying was one thing in a sequence of events that lead me into alcoholism. First was my friend going missing and her murder. Next was my ex husband beating me for the very last time and our divorce and facing the world alone with two small children. After that the utter senseless tragedy of my nephew dying. Then my mother's bf, a man I'd known since I was a little girl, getting cancer and passing very quickly. All this happened in the space of around 2 years and my drinking, although excessive when I drank already, turned from social, to at home alone every day just to cope. Then we all know the story.... after awhile you need to drink even if you don't really want to.
I think I will go to bed early and sober tonight and hope that tomorrow is a better day. My kids come home from their dads tomorrow and I can't wait to see them and hug them tight.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Wolfie I'm sorry that you also have a lost child in your family. It is the kind of thing that people never totally get over.... I think you just learn to live with it.
Just got off the phone with my sister. She loved skydiving. She said it was one of the coolest most exhilarating things she has done in her life. She is inspiring me to do it myself to celebrate 30 day sobriety! I think it's a fine idea. She is the bravest person I know, I love her dearly.
Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts today. You helped to keep me sober xx
Just got off the phone with my sister. She loved skydiving. She said it was one of the coolest most exhilarating things she has done in her life. She is inspiring me to do it myself to celebrate 30 day sobriety! I think it's a fine idea. She is the bravest person I know, I love her dearly.
Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts today. You helped to keep me sober xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
Originally Posted by zjw 
wasnt it just yest I think you had a good day or the day prior? Good days will come just push through this bad one.
Yes yesterday was a fantastic day. I'm still going to nail that interview. Today was hard because of what the day signified and the memories it brought with it. Once I let them in they overwhelmed me.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
it's evening where you are, Zen,
and i'm glad to read you made it through overwhelm without going to drinking.
yes! go skydiving (and no, i haven't done it...) or do whatever else is brave and inspiring for you. for me, doing something that takes courage inevitably helps with any overwhelm. something to do with taking charge in an area where i can......just as you must have done in order to get through this day and out THIS side.
and i'm glad to read you made it through overwhelm without going to drinking.
yes! go skydiving (and no, i haven't done it...) or do whatever else is brave and inspiring for you. for me, doing something that takes courage inevitably helps with any overwhelm. something to do with taking charge in an area where i can......just as you must have done in order to get through this day and out THIS side.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
