Boogalou

Hi everyone,

I stumbled across this board while trying to convince myself not to drink tonight. Reading some of your posts has really helped.

I'm 31 and I've been an alcoholic for almost 10 years.

I've been sober for roughly 6 months now. To use a cheesy quote, I finally realized it was time to "get busy living, or get busy dying." Up until now I've stayed sober by running/surfing _alot_ and by truly coming to an understanding as to how much alcohol has really destroyed my life. My life right now is a shadow of what it could have been. This is the longest I've ever been sober and I'm scared to death I'm gonna blow it. My enzymes were high at one point. And although they're down now, I know my liver can't be in the greatest shape.

My problem is that I'm going through some really bad times right now (wife is probably going to leave me + lost my job + returning to college which I originally dropped out of due to alcohol), and although the cravings were almost entirely gone, tonight they're back with a vengeance. I mean they're so strong it's almost like I can't get it out of my head. I came sooooo close to grabbing a 12 pack tonight it really scares me. I know that if I start drinking again my life is pretty much in the trash can.

So my question is, what do you guys do when the strong cravings hit. This is the worst it's been in the entire last 6 months and it's scaring the crap outta me. I'd thought I'd pretty much had it beaten. How do you build your willpower up, heck, develop enough character to just decide and know that no matter how strong the urges, you won't give in. Man it's tough...

Also, ya know it really blows not being able to drink. I do feel healthier, happier, I can think more clearly, but god I miss beer. It's almost like losing a loved one. For awhile I consoled myself by thinking hey, eventually I can drink socially again, in moderation, once I've cured myself. Of course I know that's garbage. I can never touch alcohol again.

I remember watching an interview, it was some British actor, forget his name. He was talking about drinking, his doctor told him he was gonna die if he didn't stop. So he went out one last night with his friends, got wasted, and then stopped drinking completely for 7 years. And those 7 years were the worst years of his life he said. Now he "only" drinks beer.

That's how I feel. I'm sober, I'm active, I'm fairly healthy, but miserable. If I'm at a restaurant and I see someone enjoying a Guinness, I just feel sad.

Yikes, I didn't mean to write a book.

I do feel better just having written all that. If anyone would like to comment, offer words of wisdom, flame me... I'd be appreciative.

Boog

Hadenuff

Hey B--
Congrats on the 6 months. real good. hey you sound like me, I can relate to alot of what you shared. yeah just knowing where that drink will take my life--like just throwing everything away. The beginning was rough as I can see you expressing in your post. 1st year was a bitch at times but also I did a lot of growing. To look back at how I was then and how I am now make me very grateful. Grateful that somehow after over 20 years of drinking and using I realize the path all that took me and how much better my life is without it.
What did I do when I get the cravings. I met other addicts and I gave them a call when things get bad and talk about it. I exercise a lot like you were saying which is a great help. I think about where that drink or drug will take me, not the good times and feelings but what really happens. The pain and low and insanity and all that. As time went by the cravings go less and less. I still may get a passing thought but it goes away quick. So I guess I mean to say it does get better.
theres a lot more I do but no matter what I don't pick up, and the thought of all that go away. Basically I ask for help just like you are doing here. SR is way cool, so keep posting here.
So hang in, your not alone and you don't have to do this alone. theres so many options, people here will let you know what worked for them, people who know exactly where you been cause they been there themselves.
Sobriety dosn't have to be a total drag. You'll meet people who are having a great time and I'll tell you myself that being clean is better than I could have ever imagined.
Althoug I'm not very active in it today I Guess I should add honestly I know I couldn't have gotten to where I am today without help from AA but I'm not saying its the only way to get sober.
H

Dawn10

Boog,
You are taking the right steps. I am an addict, and though I never drank much, ( I didn't like alcohol!) I rarely touch it since I figure an addiction to one thing can lead to another.
Yes, It can really screw up our lives. My brother is an alcoholic, though he has yet to really acknowledge it. Last summer he was confronted by my Dad and he did say "he had a problem" but never used the word "alcoholic". He was abstinent for about 3 months then decided he could control it. He now is drinking adn is what I describe as a functional alcoholic. He waits till after work and has a few drinks. Sometimes to the point of passing out. My sister-in-law is also in denial. Not that he is an alcoholic, but that she could be getting supprt from ALANON. She is afraid people she knows will find out.
I have decided I can't change my brother and I just pray he figures it all out before he hits rock bottom. He has 2 precious little boys and I do not want to see them enter the cycle that has hit our family. Both our grandfathers were alcoholics, one was 50 years clean and sober when he died at 80 and the other never acknowledged his problem.
You have to decide how badly you want to stay clean and sober. Try AA. It is a great support. I know for me NA is a life saver.
Good luck and you are in my prayers. :heart:

1Marty

Hello Boog, I started to attend AA meetings on the nights I would usually drink heavily. That change of routine was very imortant for me early on. You will meet lots of others who can relate to you. Start to surround yourself with others in the program. When the cravings pop in, make a phone call to someone else in the program. Best of luck to you.

Jalyn

Hi Boogalou,

I am pretty new to this (today is day 7) for me after an on and off progressive addiction lasting about 23 years. I thought about the moderation thing as well, but, oh yea, I've been trying that for a few years now, and, well, it only worked for awhile for me and then I always end up back where I started. I am planning on attending my very first AA meeting next Wednesday evening. I found an all women's group, no smoking, and far enough away for me to be comfortable

I will be faced with constant drinking because my husband does NOT have an addiction and we entertain a lot, go out socially a lot, and one side of my family drinks a lot. I will face it as it comes. The women in my neighborhood love to drink wine and I am angry too that I can't partake anymore. We have a fully stocked wet bar in our basement. Anyway, I am just taking it one day at a time and not even thinking past it. I will think of other things I like to have when I am feeling like a drink. Things I never allow myself like chocolate!! haha

I know this is what is best for me. I know I will get over feeling sorry for myself and realize that the alcohol never did the things for me that I once thought it did. I made a list on Day 1 of 50 reasons to stay sober that included all the dumb things I had done after having one (or two) too many. On about day 4 when I started thinking...I don't have a problem! What was I thinking? I went back and read what I had written. It, and coming here each day and getting support through reading and posting have kept me at it one day at a time. I feel great!

You can too! Jalyn

Chy

Hi Boogalu and welcome!

Congrats on 6 months! So the little demon is presenting himself again huh? Well, what means of support do you have? Did you and are you doing this alone? Maybe if that's the case you should find a means of support in your area. I know I couldn't do it alone.

For me, I found the fellowship of AA to be my means of support. However, if that is not for you, there are other options. Check out our Links and Resources forum for non-12 step based programs of support. It's been my observation those that are sober and miserable have some work to do while those that are sober and happy are doing the work.

It's okay to ask for help, if it's what will keep you sober, no shame in asking. You've done well so far, now try getting a boost from others like you.

Very glad your here!

Boogalou

Thank you for all the kind words of support everyone. I really appreciate it.

I'm so glad I found this board. Sometimes you lose perspective and think you're the only one experiencing these types of things. Just reading other peoples stories really really helps.

And yeah I've done this by myself. My family hardly believes I'm an alcoholic. I'm one of those weird semi-functional drunks. I was always a happy drunk, I never got hateful or violent when drinking, it never really effected my coordination (I passed two DUI checks with no problem unfortunately, both after drinking more than 3 pitchers of beer). My wife still drinks in front of me all the time, actually asks me why I don't have a beer now and then. She never noticed the days I'd start drinking at 7PM, and finish around 9PM the next day. She'd come home after I'd binged like that and I could somehow hide it. I would say I was just tired.

I almost wish I'd failed a DUI or something similiar, because most of my memories of the drinking itself are positive. The drinking was clearly self destructive and has ruined parts of my life, but for the most part I was a happy drunk.

Thanks for listening

Ared83

Congrats on 6 months Boogalou, I wish I were in your shoes!!..........I'm on hour 12 without a drink.......

Peter

Hey Boog welcome to the forums.

Congrats on your six months.Although this is a difficult time for you right now you will have to dig deep to find the resolve to stay away from alcohol.

My first line of defense when the cravings came was to dismiss the thought of drinking.Second I would pick up the phone and call a sober friend.

Drinking lots of water helped with the cravings too.I was bloated a lot from all the water and made many trips to the bathroom.....but I did not pick up a drink.....

Have you tried AA.It is a wonderful fellowship where you can make lots of new sober friends who can provide you with a support system to help you through those tough days.

Hang in there okay.I recently went through the breakup of an eleven year relationship which literally tore my world apart but I did not entertain the thought of picking up.

Being sober does not guarantee us a life free from pain.......what it guarantees is that we will find a better way to cope with the difficulties.

Peter

Hi Ared.Keep up the good work okay.

Your post is very encouraging for me.It just reminds me that amidst it all we are all hanging on "one day at a time."

Boogalou

Thanks Ared and Peter for the kind words.

Peter, the idea of drinking water is brilliant. I would never have thought of that. I'm going to have to go stock up on Arrow Head.