Dealing with regrets
 

The hardest thing I find with recovery is dealing with regrets, usually I would just open a bottle and let myself loose! How do you guys deal with this? I've done stupid things when drunk, like I mean incredibly stupid things... It feels go though to know that these stupid things won't ever happen again, I'm fuilling my recovery on this exact thought. Have a great day everyone and happy Canada Day for all Canadians!

I cannot change the past, all I can do is accept it - maybe make amends when possible and move forward to not make the same mistakes.

Everyone makes big and small mistakes, even non-drinkers. All of my emotions are much more stable now without alcohol - I don't overreact to things very often anymore. I have gained perspective.

I dont really regret anything. I mean I guess I can look at things and go ugg I shoulda this or I shoulda that. I can play that game. But there is also a lesson in everything too.

I could regret my drinking days the money lost the bad times etc.. but at the same time being an alcoholic has made me such a better person I've learned os much since i got sober so its been a blessing really. I'm would not have the perspective I have now if not for those horrible drunken days etc...

You are on the right track....just remember that you cannot change them, and drinking again will only make things worse. Think of what you can do TODAY that will make you a better person.

One of the gifts of AA is it taught me how to turn the wreckage of my past into an asset.

Only someone who has been there and done that can talk to a newcomer from a position of knowledge and be able to share what it used to be like and what it is like now.

i try to forgive myself over time

When there's a scary monster in the closet you have two choices:

1) Keep the door shut but keep one eye open when you sleep

2) Throw all the lights on, throw the door wide open and look. Just maybe there's nothing in there at all. Maybe it's a moth. Even if it's a hellfiend, leastways you know how many arms, legs and teeth it has and you don't have to let your imagination run wild :)

On a more serious note, I know people who just want to stop drinking and put the past behind them...not even look at the closet. I get that but...for me...I don't think it would have worked. To quote a film "We may be through with the Past, but the Past ain't through with us".

In recovery, I have been able to sort through all that mess with good friends, counsellors, AA members and so on and come to terms with it. I don't have to live in regret or be scared to open the box. A lot of what was hidden away wasn't as bad as I thought. Like someone said above, all that crap became my biggest asset instead of my greatest fear.

Short answer - don't drink, and deal with whatever comes up.

Good question :)

P

I used to know that a long time ago, but I had forgotten. The badness or stupidity of wrong decisions has haunted me for years. The idea of "those experiences made you what you are today" sounded like a bunch of BS.

But I had forgotten that in every decision--good or bad--there is a lesson.

Thanks! That really helps me!

There's nothing any of us can do about the past - but todays a totally different story.

I try to make amends where I can, live my life right, be honest and trustworthy - the me I always should have been.

After a while the past doesn't seem to matter so much.

D

Great post, Great suggestions. I have learned through my recovery the past is a dangerous place to rest. The only way I was able to let go (or keep trying to let go) of the past is through working the 12 steps with a really great sponsor.

I could only behave as well as I could when I was living my addiction. I don't behave those ways sober. Remembering that and being able to forgive myself has helped a ton!

That is a helpful thought, too. At the time I was doing the best I could. Granted, it may not have been very good--but I honestly didn't know any better at the time.

I also lived with heavy regrets during the first year of sobriety. Looking back and living in the past was painful and it made life harder. As I enter year 3 of sobriety, those regrets are long gone. Living in the present - sober - is the best way to make those tiny voices go away. Be proud of what you are doing and what you are accomplishing, live for today, and you will continue to feel better and better!

Time and living amends work miracles.

Anthem, people that have substance abuse issues usually have regrets, and you can make it as simple or complicated as you choose. Regrets are just that, a regret. Something you wish you hadn't done. One thing is a guarantee, you can't un-ring that bell.

I can only share my experience, I had many regrets. Awful things I did twenty some odd years ago, I struggled terribly with the shame, guilt and embarrassment, But over time it faded (and what a relief that was) It also made me try even harder to redeem myself from such abhorrent behavior. Stay on the straight and narrow and those regrets will fade and you will feel so much better. Keep it going man.

Thank you everyone for these words of wisdom! I'm happy I joined this site, it is really helpful when you've got a question or concern or need help. I really appreciate all of you taking the time to comment on this and it was very helpful to me :)