Arbor

I didn't know that I was in denial. But I guess that's what denial is all about with an addict. Where subconsciously we reject aspects of reality that we are not comfortable with. We can have little insight into our own condition as a result of denial.

I'm sure there are lots of threads on this, but would like to get some new perspective as I recently discovered this was the main culprit all along. I feel it's a major breakthrough for me in what was a difficult wall to penetrate (or even notice).

Anyone else unaware of their denial for some time?

Spacegoat

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt! (Mark Twain). Yeah, absolutely.

I must be the last person to find out I am a chronic alcoholic type.

doggonecarl

Yeah, the whole 35 years I drank.

The condition cleared up once I quit.

least

I constantly told myself I "wasn't that bad".... but I was... so glad that's behind me now.

ScottFromWI

Yes, denial is one of the primary culprits in addiction. In fact, I would argue that it would be difficult to be addicted if you did not deny what you were doing to yourself.

Arbor

I should clarify that I was roughly sober for nine months until a recent slip. I believe I was still in denial the entire time.

JeffreyAK

I denied my denial for a long time. That's a central feature of addiction, but one of the most deeply rooted - accepting that is hard.

Fly N Buy

Addicts / Alcoholics deny????

Today, I'll deny it's Tuesday if it suits my purpose. Denial is simply lying to ourselves. We lie to everyone else, why should we be expected to tell ourselves the truth. Frankly, we were really never able to even discern the truth,

Until something providential happens in our lives to change our perceptions there really is little hope. Unless we see it differently how can we be expect to be different??

We've heard one can't get sober for someone else. Only for ourselves. Why is this???

Because if we are willing to get sober for only ourselves we cannot lie about it.

Here's what I mean:
I don't think I'm really all that bad. Others have been on me to quit, so to appease them I do. I admit I drink too much. Time passes, things settle down the pain starts to subside and some of us pick up.

If I admit to my inner most self I am an alcoholic and quit for me I now may stand a chance. I may still drink again, but I have reached a place of honesty to myself that just might be the spark that lights the sober flame.............

Ergo -
This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man

Gottalife

There were amny times people tried to help me, but I just could not see the problem, therfore the solutions they offered made no sense to me. On some deeper level I knew they were genuine in their efforts but I really thought they were all on the wrong track.

This might be denial, it might be I was delusional. Whatever it was it prevented me from seeing reality, the true nature of my condition.

thomas11

To be brutally honest, I'm still unaware of my denial. But I'm sober.

silentrun

Yeah, I was pretty clueless that my drinking was as bad as it was. I totally ignored the fact that I was too embarrassed to buy my pints at the same liquor store or that I had to buy pints because if I bought a bigger bottle I would drink it all. I made it to work everyday so I figured I was good.

Dee74

I would go off on a bender, take 3 or 4 days to get myself together, and then think 'I feel so good after only a few days so there must not be much of a problem'.

I did this for years - for the last 5 years, drinking dawn to bedtime.

Denial can be very powerful.

D

MIRecovery

I don't think denial is the exclusive domain of the alcoholic. People have an amazing ability to pretend that inconvenient truths don't exist

BackToSquareOne

I was never in denial that I had a problem with alcohol. For me anyhow just knowing I was an alcoholic was not enough to make me reach the point that I wanted to quit more than I wanted to drink. The reality was that I just could not take the constant withdrawals any longer and the only way to put an end to that nightmare was to quit for good.

Sudz No More

I didn't have a problem. Isn't it perfectly normal behavior to stuff a 30 pack in your backpack while still at the register in the store so you can ride it home on your bike?

Arbor

Deeply rooted yes. For sure. But accepting? I couldn't even begin to accept something I was completely blind to. Key words are subconsciously rejecting. I wasn't lying to myself knowingly.

NewDay79

Did you quit cold turkey? What exactly were you in denial about? That you had a problem with alcohol? Just wondering how similar your experience is to mine.

Arbor

Oh I knew I had a problem when I quit back in September. Just never admitted I was an alcoholic. That changed everything.

tursiops999

Arbor8, I can very much relate. I'll be at 10 months sober in a few days, and I have had denial coming and going these whole 10 months (not to mention all the denial I had when I was still drinking, of course). I felt it very strongly at about the 2 week sober mark, when I started to feel good physically, and thought, "maybe I didn't have a problem after all!"

Just this past week I had a big struggle with the AV telling me I wasn't "really" an alcoholic. The AV didn't tell me to drink (I think I would have rejected that thought more easily because I really don't want to drink, and I am so much happier sober). But it was distracting me with a big irrelevant argument about exactly how big my problem was or wasn't. That voice is definitely cunning and baffling.

I recommitted to my recovery plan and the tools I use ... which has made that thought quiet down again.

Arbor

Thanks tursiops. It's a pretty important step. Admitting your an alcoholic. That word was always huge to me. It's huge because you have to believe it. I can't be, can I? I'm not as bad as this guy or this gal. Didn't want to go there for the longest time. Didn't like the labels. I'm unique, not alcoholic!

I realized a lot of this stuff in my head was AV too. I WAS really bad. I reflected after that slip on those bad times. All that pain over the years. I was really, really bad. Was so blind to see! But now I realize just how important that was for me to say to myself and my mates finally. It gave me comfort and explained why I drank the way I drank all these years. Now I can protect myself more easily.