Help with friends who can't take no for an answer?
 

Today is day 4. I have outdone myself this time and have told all my friends I need to stop drinking. There were fireworks at a friends house this weekend and I have about 5 friends who push the issue with me really hard when I say no. I had gotten sick and probably had alcohol poisoning last thursday and they all knew this. The next day:

I told friend one who is a hard drinker I needed to calm down on drinking. She told me get my a** to her house and beer will make me feel better. Told friend two I'm done with it all. She is still calling every day.

Friend three told me I'd better come out, I'm missing out on fun and so on.

Friend four just keeps calling and texting. I have made it very clear that I have an alcohol problem to these people. I even drank 24 hours straight, fell at friend ones house and hit my head then got sick and she's still calling.

Should I block all their numbers? I dont think I can do this with my phone ringing every night telling me to "suck it up" and quit being "so boring". Thanks.

To be honest, these people do not sound like friends, they sound like drinking buddies. A friend will always want what is best for you. If you feel you need to block them, then do it.

What other type of support do you have other than SR? Some of us, well...many of us need face to face support in addition to what we can get online. Stay strong and do what you know is right for you! :grouphug:

Sobriety requires change, and some of it will be change that doesn't feel very good. That will most likely include changing some of the people you associate with and some of the places you hang out.

These people sound like "drinking buddies" to me. They mean well but they don't understand addiction, and most likely never will. If you are serious about getting sober you will have to set strict boundaries...and it sounds like these folks are outside of the healthy boundaries you need to be in. If blocking their numbers is what it takes, then that's what you'll need to do.

I had "friends" like this too. but after a while I realized that all we had in common was drinking anyway..and I don't drink anymore.

Friends don't make friends do stupid crap. I had to learn to, "Change playgrounds, playthings, and playpals."

Yeah, friends won't push you to do something that is very wrong for you.

I think stepping back for awhile would be a good idea.

I had some friends like that when I'd quit a long time ago. I ended up quitting them too. I didn't like the pressure.

Its not work to be around true friends and true friends don't try and get you to do things.

I think you should take some time away from them and re-evaluate after say 90 days.

Your priority should be

1. Your sobriety
2. Start the rest of the list here.

CJ.

Figuring out how to deal with your friends is just a piece of the puzzle. You've struggled for a while to get sober...the social aspect of your drinking just part of the problem. As Scott said, sobriety requires change. A lot of change for some of us.

Good luck.

When I was in your shoes I had to stop responding and stop hanging out with them. To be honest I felt like a jerk. And maybe it was a jerk move but it wss just like you said - I would get hammered, hurt myself, drive. They would be so concerns the neXT morning yet 2 days later they would try to get me to drink again.
I needed a break - a new scene really helped me. I started taking classes and volunteering and hanging out with new people. I had to.
I am now 4 years sober and have actually reconnected with a handful of those friends . It was nice to know they werent all drinking buddies. Some were, and that is depressing , but it is what it is. The ones I have reconnected with have settled down a alot and no longer drink like they used to so it's been easy to reconnect . When I tell them why I needed sPace they seem to get it
Anyways that was a long Winded answer but in my experience it helped to change up my scene. It was actually easier then I thought to find young people who don't drink - I thought everybody drank and it probably felt like that for my whOle first year of sobriety.

Drinking buddies aren't friends--I had to let mine go too but am happy I did.

Today I'm "boring" and sober and loving it. . .

The one is a good friend, asked if I am ok days later. The others do not care and will not call unless it is exactly that time to drink. Then, the only concern is that I am NOT at the bar. It's like I am the entertainment for the night and they can't live without me. Don't they have each other? Very strange. No one is around when I am detoxing, sweating, and screaming in my sleep (last night) alone.

Not making excuses, but I live in a very strange area where drinking is all we do around here. People even joke about how many DUIs they have and it's hard to meet someone who doesn't have one. Id rather be alone at this point. Thanks all.

That's not strange at all, drinking is a popular pastime in most places. I think you'll also be pleasantly surprised to find that that drinking is not "all that is done" around anywhere. As alcoholics we tend to think that "everyone drinks" because we naturally gravitate towards people who do. But the reality is that alcoholics and binge drinkers are the minority - by a long shot. There are lots and lots of people who go about their daily lives without a though about alcohol...in fact those people are the majority. You will meet a lot of them once you start getting outside the heavy drinker circuit.

sometimes people only understand it when you get nasty.

I dunno i hate how I cant tell people no i dont want to do something and thats not a good enough answer its always followed up with why or what else are you doing or how about next week etc..

then if i say No i just dont feel like doing that i'm somehow the bad guy. oh well. i'm ok with being the bad guy i guess.

That's called "People Pleasing," and it'll kill you, not them.
Yes, you are. 'But' negates everything preceding it's use.
It's all YOU do around there, and the people that drink with you. I made certain that the people I hung around with drank--or I didn't hang around them. If I didn't go to bars, house parties, lake parties, garage drinking, and so forth, I didn't have to get a DUI going home.

Try going to a movie--see how much drinking occurs there? I was amazed to find out that people attending 'functions' didn't drink nearly as much as I thought they did--and KNEW that I did. The only person interested in what's in your glass is another alcoholic.

Or you can keep doing what you're doing and get the same results you've been getting.... That's up to you.

Day 9. I am still sober. I haven't been sober for 9 days straight since I was pregnant 11 years ago.

I still keep thinking I have to stop on the way home to get that case of beer. I was up to a case a week alone.

My cat also died this morning and it's the 4th of July. Definitely being tested. Thanks all.

Good job on the 9 days. How has the peer pressure been? Are you setting boundaries?

I'm really sorry for your loss but I'm glad you're staying strong BBE :)
Staying sober really is the best thing - no matter what it takes, you won;t regret it :)

D

So sorry to hear about the loss of your cat from a fellow cat owner (mine is now in her 20's and I panic at the smallest sign of ill health). They really are such a special part of our lives.

It can feel like we're being tested, but for the alcoholic we will ALWAYS find (or invent) a reason to take a drink, either in celebration, or misery, or stress, or relief, or boredom, or excitement .... (the list could go on and on). I think it's great that you were around and sober to give your feline friend care and sober attention for the last 9 days of their life, and on their last day. I'd imagine that for the last decade of 4th July Celebrations and the build up to it you'd have more or less been missing in action at the bar or some celebratory booze-fest.

*hugs*

The peer pressure is bad. We had a large business meeting at work last week with an open bar. You had to stand in the bar line to get to the food line. My boss is a wine expert and had every amazing wine and liquor you could ever dream of. The line was at a standstill and I had what seemed like 2 minutes to change my mind on my regular diet coke.

I watched my co-worker get cut off from the bar. He had a horrible desperate look on his face. Don't miss that feeling.

I've also gained 10 lbs. Must be all the sugar I am eating and time in bed instead of running up and down the attic stairs to have "just one more".

I do have one friend who keeps nagging at me. I told her I think I may have a problem with alcohol and her response was "So, you're not going to come out drinking tonight?" She just got a DUI a month ago.

Generally, I am so happy to feel so great. I used to wake up and not know what day it was just counting the hours of panic until the sun went back down. However, I am bored and can't listen to music or watch movies yet because it's an awful trigger. Any ideas on what to do? I am really serious about this this time. I have tried being a social drinker for too long. Thanks again.

Just my observation - you basically told them you're going to continue to drink, just not as much and/or as often. They're not going against your wishes, the only discrepancy here is the time frame. If it's pressure to drink that you feel, understand you opened that door up yourself.

I tried all the silly one-liners - not now, it doesn't agree with me, maybe another time, etc. Just saying a simple and honest "no thanks" works 95% of the time.

If someone persists, I just tell the truth (something I never ever would have considered doing when I was an actively drinking alkie) and say, "I'm a recovered alcoholic so I don't drink anymore." Anyone who pushes after that one is no longer someone I pay much attention to and not really someone I would feel pressured by. For instance, would I feel pressured to go kill people if a serial killer invited me to? No......because I don't want to be a killer. Once I got sincere about not drinking for the rest of my life, there was no way to pressure me into it.

Misery loves company unfortunately!