I DON'T Feel BETTER!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Victoria
Posts: 26
I DON'T Feel BETTER!
Hi
So, I have returned to this site after 5 months away (drinking) because, once again, I am trying not to drink....
My life is a financial and personal mess and so drinking was my escape! (My therapist told me last week that he can't believe I haven't gone mad with the stress my husband has put me under...)
So, it's been 13 long days without a drink...
Before that I was drinking 3-5 days a week and, toward the end, I was known to start as early as 11am... (That was kind of what made me realise it was getting out of hand! ) That, AND the fact that a bottle of 20% alcohol with about 11 standard drinks in it was doing NOTHING..
So, it's been nearly two weeks and while my kidneys?/liver?/stomach area? no longer ache, my head is a MESS.
I've never cried so much, I've never been so desperate to die (I can't because I have school aged kids so I'm not here to violate the suicide posting guidelines), I've never felt so hopeless and I've never felt so completely and utterly DONE!
I DESPERATELY want to drink tonight but I'm not confident I will ever stop if I start again.....
What do I do????
R2D
So, I have returned to this site after 5 months away (drinking) because, once again, I am trying not to drink....
My life is a financial and personal mess and so drinking was my escape! (My therapist told me last week that he can't believe I haven't gone mad with the stress my husband has put me under...)
So, it's been 13 long days without a drink...
Before that I was drinking 3-5 days a week and, toward the end, I was known to start as early as 11am... (That was kind of what made me realise it was getting out of hand! ) That, AND the fact that a bottle of 20% alcohol with about 11 standard drinks in it was doing NOTHING..
So, it's been nearly two weeks and while my kidneys?/liver?/stomach area? no longer ache, my head is a MESS.
I've never cried so much, I've never been so desperate to die (I can't because I have school aged kids so I'm not here to violate the suicide posting guidelines), I've never felt so hopeless and I've never felt so completely and utterly DONE!
I DESPERATELY want to drink tonight but I'm not confident I will ever stop if I start again.....
What do I do????
R2D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 202
Welcome Back, R2D... First of all , great job for making it for 13 days, without a drink... You have already passed the most difficult barrier. Things, can only get better from now on... You have already sensed that pain on other parts of body, is gone.. How about visiting your doc and tell him about what you are doing and he will help you to feel better for the head pain problem.
Regarding the very strong urge to drink tonight, how about making some plan to do any activity, you love to do ? Anything .....Reading ,listening to music, playing music or any indoor,outdoor game etc ? You have already made to 13 days.. Just do not drink ,tonight.. From our experiences,we can share that , you are almost there.. Little bit more push and you will start feeling better..
Keep posting and reading on SR..
Regarding the very strong urge to drink tonight, how about making some plan to do any activity, you love to do ? Anything .....Reading ,listening to music, playing music or any indoor,outdoor game etc ? You have already made to 13 days.. Just do not drink ,tonight.. From our experiences,we can share that , you are almost there.. Little bit more push and you will start feeling better..
Keep posting and reading on SR..
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
The initial few weeks can be rough - but this is not the way it's always going to be - it is a finite period and you can be rest assured that things can do, and will, improve.
Sometimes you just have to run on faith a little - but it's not really that much of a gamble...none of us would stay sober if we felt we lost out on the deal.
Stick with it
D
Sometimes you just have to run on faith a little - but it's not really that much of a gamble...none of us would stay sober if we felt we lost out on the deal.
Stick with it
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
It will get better, but the first few weeks / month can be pretty rough.
Remember, it took years of drinking to get your body / mind in this state,
and it does take a bit of time to heal.
Be kind to yourself, realize it will pass, and do not drink just for today.
Your kids need you sober, and your life will improve with time and patience.
You can do it--thirteen days is fantastic.
Be sure to stay hydrated and eat non-processed whole foods to build up your body.
Remember, it took years of drinking to get your body / mind in this state,
and it does take a bit of time to heal.
Be kind to yourself, realize it will pass, and do not drink just for today.
Your kids need you sober, and your life will improve with time and patience.
You can do it--thirteen days is fantastic.
Be sure to stay hydrated and eat non-processed whole foods to build up your body.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,676
Hi R2D, it's bound to be rough but stick with the sobriety. I think you answered your own question.
There is a life without that horrible poison, give yourself a pat on the back, pamper yourself, look forward to what can be without booze as a prop.
There is a life without that horrible poison, give yourself a pat on the back, pamper yourself, look forward to what can be without booze as a prop.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Congrats on 13 days! It can certainly be tough at first, but time will help. Another thing that's imperative to remember is that just "not drinking" is not a cure for any underlying issues. It also won't solve the problems of "life" that each of us deal with every day. As alcoholics, most of us used alcohol as a way do avoid the problems that life hands us....but they never go away, and alcohol creates even more problems of its own on top of them.
The solution is to have a formal plan to learn new, healthy ways to deal with life. That might mean a formal recovery plan like AA/smart/life ring, etc. It might mean outpatient rehab. It could be therapy or group work. Self help/meditation works for some too. The bottom line though is you need to find what works for you....you are still in the early phases so you need to be patient, but you can absolutely do it.
The solution is to have a formal plan to learn new, healthy ways to deal with life. That might mean a formal recovery plan like AA/smart/life ring, etc. It might mean outpatient rehab. It could be therapy or group work. Self help/meditation works for some too. The bottom line though is you need to find what works for you....you are still in the early phases so you need to be patient, but you can absolutely do it.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
RTD,
getting some f2f support can be helpful. if you're in Victoria BC you have secular and 12-step options for peer support.
as far as going/not going mad with stress...not drinking at the beginning adds its own stress, of course, and often left me clueless what to do. because i had no skills much other than picking up booze to "deal" with everything.
learning new, different and effective ways to respond to stress is one thing i had to do. for SURE.
your therapist might help you there bigtime.
and tons of people here have great suggestions for that, too.
if you stick with it, you'll find it's possible to change.
getting some f2f support can be helpful. if you're in Victoria BC you have secular and 12-step options for peer support.
as far as going/not going mad with stress...not drinking at the beginning adds its own stress, of course, and often left me clueless what to do. because i had no skills much other than picking up booze to "deal" with everything.
learning new, different and effective ways to respond to stress is one thing i had to do. for SURE
.your therapist might help you there bigtime.
and tons of people here have great suggestions for that, too.
if you stick with it, you'll find it's possible to change.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 10
Along with this being a huge life changing shift, your body chemistty has to settle back down to normal, and while it does that it will cause some emotional torture. But it does pass!
For me, I had to change my beliefs about alcohol. I wanted to drink to calm me down. But then I would...and then Id stress about the guilt for drinking...or how many I'd allowyself to have...or where the next one would come from..who would judge me if I drank it in front of them...more guilt. All that on top of whatever stressed you out in the first place. You may be 30 seconds of relief with the first sip but then the stress multiplies worse than if you hadn't drank at all.
I had to run through that reasoning in my head over and over until it stuck. It stuck pretty quickly for me because I was relentless with it. I'm coming up on a month and I have no cravings at all. Any time I think about it, I just look at it for what it really is... and that is a liquid that stresses me out, hurts my stomach, and ruins the following day to the point of not leaving my bed.
For me, I had to change my beliefs about alcohol. I wanted to drink to calm me down. But then I would...and then Id stress about the guilt for drinking...or how many I'd allowyself to have...or where the next one would come from..who would judge me if I drank it in front of them...more guilt. All that on top of whatever stressed you out in the first place. You may be 30 seconds of relief with the first sip but then the stress multiplies worse than if you hadn't drank at all.
I had to run through that reasoning in my head over and over until it stuck. It stuck pretty quickly for me because I was relentless with it. I'm coming up on a month and I have no cravings at all. Any time I think about it, I just look at it for what it really is... and that is a liquid that stresses me out, hurts my stomach, and ruins the following day to the point of not leaving my bed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Victoria
Posts: 26
Thanks everyone!
Seashell628 - I think u live inside my head!
That 30 seconds of drinking followed by guilt for ever is EXACTLY why I haven't yet given up!
Well done on nearly a month!
R2D
Seashell628 - I think u live inside my head!
That 30 seconds of drinking followed by guilt for ever is EXACTLY why I haven't yet given up!
Well done on nearly a month!
R2D
Pressure makes diamonds
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 521
Hi R2D,
I'm still new at this too, and have had a hard time emotionally. Returning to drinking will only set you back and you'll have to start back at day 1. I never want to go back to another day 1. Even my worst day sober has been far better than my best day drunk or hungover. It took us time to be ruined by alcohol and it takes time to heal from it. Sign up for the 24 hour club so you feel accountable. Read and post here like you did when you feel frustration- we have all been in or are in your shoes and can help. You got this! 13 days is awesome....keep going.
I'm still new at this too, and have had a hard time emotionally. Returning to drinking will only set you back and you'll have to start back at day 1. I never want to go back to another day 1. Even my worst day sober has been far better than my best day drunk or hungover. It took us time to be ruined by alcohol and it takes time to heal from it. Sign up for the 24 hour club so you feel accountable. Read and post here like you did when you feel frustration- we have all been in or are in your shoes and can help. You got this! 13 days is awesome....keep going.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Victoria
Posts: 26
Thanks everyone!
Seashell628 - I think u live inside my head!
That 30 seconds of drinking followed by guilt for ever is EXACTLY why I haven't yet given up!
Well done on nearly a month!
R2D
Seashell628 - I think u live inside my head!
That 30 seconds of drinking followed by guilt for ever is EXACTLY why I haven't yet given up!
Well done on nearly a month!
R2D
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Victoria
Posts: 26
Day 15 and I really really really really really really want a drink!
I have to deal with lawyers because of stupid crap my husband has done, my therapist gave me a 30 minute session at 45 minute prices because he was running late, I smelled the food I was cooking that had 1/2 cup wine in it and probably shouldn't have, and I think no-one is more of a friend to me than my pal alcohol..
Convince me not to drink.... Please........
I have to deal with lawyers because of stupid crap my husband has done, my therapist gave me a 30 minute session at 45 minute prices because he was running late, I smelled the food I was cooking that had 1/2 cup wine in it and probably shouldn't have, and I think no-one is more of a friend to me than my pal alcohol..
Convince me not to drink.... Please........
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi returning
you already know a drink won't help you with any of those situations or feelings
why not think about other healthier ways to relax - a bubble bath, a massage, a brisk walk, a hobby you really enjoy?
D
you already know a drink won't help you with any of those situations or feelings
why not think about other healthier ways to relax - a bubble bath, a massage, a brisk walk, a hobby you really enjoy?
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
You have 15 days in and that is awesome! If you drink, and you know if you do its going to be a doozy, you will pay for it guilt beyond measure. Alcohol is not your pal, what has alcohol every solved for you?
Look at your return on investment. There is zero if you drink beside maybe initial relief when the buzz hits that will turn into depression, guilt, sadness, and feeling like crap shortly thereafter and will last WAY longer than any relief.
Might suggest at this time to avoid cooking with alcohol, no point in threatening your sobriety for a little added flavor. Tastes just fine without.
Look at your return on investment. There is zero if you drink beside maybe initial relief when the buzz hits that will turn into depression, guilt, sadness, and feeling like crap shortly thereafter and will last WAY longer than any relief.
Might suggest at this time to avoid cooking with alcohol, no point in threatening your sobriety for a little added flavor. Tastes just fine without.
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