Slipped up again and now feeling extremely low

Old 06-15-2015, 07:46 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Slipped up again and now feeling extremely low

Hi guys,

I'm just feeling really low about things at the minute, and feel like I've no one to talk to.

I slipped up again this weekend and went on a 2 day vodka bender. I'm feeling so angry with myself that I let this happen.

Something I struggle to accept is the fact that I just want to be a 'normal' drinker...who can go out, have a few drinks, maybe even get a bit tipsy but go home and get up the next day, not do what I do which is get completely paralytic..not remember anything and start drinking again the next day just to delay the anxiety., which is what seem to do every time.

I have friends who don't even ask me out anymore, I know its because they think that they are helping me, but when I see pictures of them on facebook, it upsets me so much as I then feel extremely left out.

Also, my roommate was telling me that I was screaming and shouting in my sleep and again, this has happened several times but only ever when ive been drinking heavily. Apart from being extremely embarrassed about this, its scary as I've no memory of it at all and worry about what alcohols doing to my brain.

At 25, I know this can't go on much longer...what about when I get to 35, 45 (if I even make it). I just need something to change, I really do wish I could just be done with alcohol but theres always something in my head that says "this time it will be okay".
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Old 06-15-2015, 07:52 AM
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Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Welcome back FloridaLove. Sorry to hear you had another bender, they are preventable though. For me the key to getting started with a better life was accepting my drinking/alcoholism for what it is. I accepted that I will never be a "normal" drinker. Believe me, I tried every moderation plan there was and none ever worked, I always ended up returning to alcoholic drinking in short order.

There are plenty of folks to talk with here, and we understand what you are going through as we've all gone through it too. Perhaps you could join a weekly or monthly thread over in the newcomers section to give you some daily reminders and tools to keep from drinking again?
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Old 06-15-2015, 07:57 AM
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Feel your pain Fl, been there often. Not remembering stuff is blackout time, which indicates real troubles. Been there too.

I really know I can't drink in moderation, ever. My brain wants to trick me into thinking its ok, just a few....

Never turns out that way. Check out some recovery tools. Programs, etc. I'm still trying to find mine. Wishing you well.
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Old 06-15-2015, 08:00 AM
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: New York
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Florida, I'm 29 and feel pretty similar to you about wanting to be able to drink like a normal person. Also, when hammered, I've apparently screamed and yelled in my sleep. Quite embarrassing for sure.

I know that happened to me while sharing a room at a hotel while attending an out of town wedding over a year ago. Well, last weekend I went to a wedding and stayed with the same people as last year. I didn't drink a drop, had fun, got restful sleep and made small talk with them while they were a bit tipsy and getting ready for bed. Needless to say, they drank like normal people and I'd have been totally wasted. Couldn't be happier that I just had nothing to drink. Was a lot less stressful.

It's not easy, but it's totally possible to go out socially in your 20s and not drink. Most people won't even notice you're having club soda
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Old 06-15-2015, 08:09 AM
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Originally Posted by FloridaLove View Post
I really do wish I could just be done with alcohol but theres always something in my head that says "this time it will be okay".
I drank for years and years after it became apparent that I had a problem. But I didn't want to think the problem was alcohol. I wanted to drink, but didn't want to suffer the consequences. So I applied all kinds of controls and restraints on my drinking; failing that, I dismissed my growing problems as not being "real" problems with alcohol. It was always the situation that was the problem. Not alcohol, not me drinking alcohol.

You're 25. Don't wait until you are 55, like I did. Believe it, quitting doesn't get easier as you drink longer. And the problems mount.

Are you doing anything to support your decision to quit besides posting to SR? Sometimes more drastic changes are required to help us get sober.
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