Question to my A Friends
 

Hey guys, its me again. I have a question for you A's. I am trying to have compassion and understanding of what you guys are going through. That is why I continue to read all the forums at SR, I belong in the F & F.

My XAH tells me that he doesn't get hung over. He drinks everyday probably averaging 6 to 12 beers a night and more on the weekends. All I read is you guys talking about being hung over and that rotten feeling, thats why you got sober. Do some A's not get hung over? His he just protecting his drinking and lying to me? Again??

I have seen his hands shake, and sweating in morning so I am assuming this is part of his drinking. Sorry to be so nosy but you guys are not always honest with the "enablers" in your life. I know that what goes on in his life is none of my biz, but it helps me understand this horrible disease.

Thanks and I hope you all have a great and Sober Sunday!!

Toward the end I did stop getting hang overs. I would wake up in a depressed state constantly. No headache or nausea like before just dull and lifeless. I drank a lot of coffee and ate a lot of sugar trying to jump start myself. It kept me going until night when I would drink again to feel better then the same cycle day after day. Not getting hang overs is a bad sign in my book.

He isn't hungover he is getting withdrawals. Then he drinks again and they go away. So in his mind he is telling the truth...he isn't hungover. I think most often we are not honest with ourselves.

Have you thought about a al anon mtn ? http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/al-anon-in-illinois

I think, Della is spot on. :)

I'm sorry you have to deal with this situation, maia. :hug:

Please, feel free to ask any questions you have.

Hi Maia -- there's a difference between hangovers and withdrawal.

Hangovers are what "normies" get when they drink too much. There's the body's way of responding to the insult of excess alcohol consumption in the short term.

Not getting hangovers any more is a bad sign. It means that one's alcohol addiction is progressing.

Shaky hands and sweating are withdrawal symptoms. They are what happens when the body develops an addiction to alcohol over the long term, and then the alcohol is taken away. They can get so bad that the only time they go away is when the person is drunk. In advanced cases, withdrawal from alcohol can be fatal.

I didn't have "hangovers" per se for the last 10 years of my drinking, but my withdrawal symptoms got worse and worse, and lasted longer and longer during periods of sobriety.

The only cure was to quit for good.

I drank a pint of vodka a day for over ten years. I never had a hangover the next day. I always felt "normal". I think our body adjusts to the consumption. It's when we go without that the symptoms are withdrawals.

Alcoholics lie to themselves more than they do to anyone else.... so, when you take whatever they say surrounding alcohol with a grain of salt, don't do so out of thinking they're intentionally lying to you. There's a reason we say we have to get "brutally honest" when doing our Steps... it means with ourselves. But, as others have said, what you're seeing sounds more like withdrawal than a hangover. IMHO, heavy drinking with hangover = not physically addicted... YET because the mental obsession is there. Heavy drinking with no hangover = physical addiction. Its a progressive disease with the final stage being physical addiction but there's a vast area with varying symptoms before it so keep that in mind when reading what people are describing as, not being a drinker yourself, you may not know what stage they're in.

I drank 15+ beers a day and never got what I would call a normie hangover. The "rotten feeling" that made me want to quit was a mental state. The Big Book calls it incomprehensible demoralization. Depression, anger, self pity, anxiety, etc... Misery plain and simple.

WOW!!
Thank you everyone for responding. This was so helpful, you have no idea. The more knowledgeable I get, I find I have more compassion (instead of anger). I never believed him when he told me that, but now I can understand how. As when I drank a ton, and was hung over it hurt like hell!! I am not an A and can never truly understand what you are going through.

Soberwolf, I have spent many of hours in alanon meetings, 2 to 4 meetings a week, over the last couple of years. Divorcing my AH after 34 years was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I did with the support of Alanon, open AA meetings and SR. But, there are somethings in the meetings that aren't discussed. I am grateful that I have friends in all forums of SR to reach out to for these type of questions. Hugs my friend!!!!!

Spot on.

I was never hungover and if I was, it probably wasn't a hangover as much as it was flirting with alcohol poisoning.