get-togethers and parties..
 

How is it possible if im staying sober from alcohol...to go to get together things and parties where everyone else is pounding beer? For one thing im completely bored after about one hour Max and then i just want to leave. And i stopped going to these parties altogether too. Does this happen to anyone else?

I always have beverages. my personal crutch is one or 2 huge iced dunkin decafs w sugar free flavor, but yeah cut out if it gets tempting.

Thanx sleepie! Its not even that im tempted at all..i am just bored outta my skull watching other people drinking. Theres no point for me to be there..so i just stopped even going.

Yes, yes, yes, which just goes to show we only go to these events/gatherings for the booze. Unfortunately, this thinking of it's the only way to have a good time, etc kept me boozing for years. My alcoholic brain kept telling me I'd be missing out. In actual fact, as you have proved to yourself, you are missing nothing. Except of course the horrid hangover the next day & beyond. You now need to reassess the things you really enjoy doing. For example any hobbies, shows, exhibitions, theatre, shopping, restaurants, etc, etc. It's a totally wonderful life without the booze. Then, after a while you begin to realize what a total waste of time the boozers life is. X

I see.
Yep it does get boring after awhile. usuallyI would just leave early feeling sad... not quite sure what to do about that yet.

I stopped going to those parties too. They were very boring.

I didn't become a hermit tho - for example, I've just had a great evening with friends at an Indian street food restaurant - no booze allowed on the premises for anybody - and the place was full of very happy diners :)

D

I struggle with social events now... But have also observed that not everybody drinks as much as I used to...in fact some people hardly drink at all, although I still feel like a fish out if water. Doubt these events will ever feel right to me but I will persist where necessary, and make a sharp exit where possible!!! I am struggling to feel at home in my "new skin". I suspect it will improve in time though...

Yes, most in recovery including myself find the old party scene boring.

The ones who I have known who can't or won't stop going to drunken parties usually in time take a drink.

Hang out at the barber shop long enough
probably end up with a haircut ??

MM

It's just fine today for me to stop by a party so as to say my hellos. But, when things get crazy it's time for me to go home and get lazy. Nice and relaxed -- serenity -- sobriety.

Parties can be a waste of time and that's okay. If they aren't boring, they're alarming! I do activities that I never could have done drunk like watch a night ball game all the way to the end and drive myself home, go to my kids' events, read books, work on projects, and cultivate relationships with sober people. It gets easier. And no hangover!

Let's face it--drunks, and drunken conversation is / was boring.
But when we were drunk, we just didn't realize it.

Now we do. . . :lmao

If the primary focus is drinking I have better ways of using my time. I will go to events with normal drinkers if it is something I really want to do

This is one of the not so talked about reasons I'm really grateful to AA. I didn't know how to, didn't want to, and couldn't function in social situation (or have fun) without alcohol. My first 2 years sober, the people in AA taught me how to do that. They also taught me to walk away from situations that I should without feeling bad, and how to enjoy myself in situations where alcohol is involved. Without landing myself in any trouble.

What I've found is that over time that "party" scene became less and less attractive to me, and I started attracting people into my life that have fun without alcohol being the focus. Was just noticing that this past thanksgiving. Was at a dinner party at my in-laws and it didn't occur to me until later in the evening that NOBODY was drinking. There were about 25 people present, no alcoholics but me, and nobody was drinking. It wasn't out of respect for me either, most of them don't know me that well. Contrary to popular belief, the entire world does not drink to have a good time. When we're still not that far from our last drink however, it could very much seem so.

I have a friend who was sober 7 years. Until 2 weeks ago. One of those hardcore AA dudes also, but he hung out on the weekends in bars with his biker pals, who all drink. He believed he was immune, until he learned he wasn't :/.

I'm a musician. I spend lots of time in clubs and bars. I don't think I'm immune to ever picking up a drink, but I can tell you that I honestly don't even know it's there anymore. It doesn't register. I know I'm in the bars for good reason. Played last night. Strangely enough again now that I'm thinking about it, the entire band didn't have a single drink all night. Water only. Drummer's also a tennis player and really into her health, singer/guitar player just doesn't drink, and keyboard player has a wife and daughter to get home to and isn't about to even consider driving with even a beer or 2 in him. I play in 2 other bands also. In one the drummer hasn't drank in 28 years, and the other the guitarist is sober in AA for 5 years. I didn't choose these bands for these reasons. They just happen to be like that. Hooked up with them through craigslist in fact, and drugs/alcohol was never discussed.

There's a very exciting sober world to plug into out there. I think we have to be willing however to let go of the old world, and embrace the new. I'm much, much, MUCH, much happier in this new world :). Alcohol is a BS artist. And very good at what it does.

not to test our sobriety
 

An excellent simple point Joe, that I share in AA and here on site all so often.

Many years ago I was sober for just short of three years and I truly had not a clue. While at a wedding where I knew next to no one, I got to feeling very uptight. I know now that I should have simply taken a walk outside and gathered my thoughts. I didn't have that tool at the time and before I knew it I went up to the bar and grabbed two dark Heinekens. It doesn't happen often these days but, some fresh air if needed is way better than drinking just one or two. Or, if I'm at a party and think that I'm becoming uncomfortable any reason, I head for the car. Sometimes I don't even take the time to say bye to all.

This has worked for me many times over the last 7 years without a drink. Would I have drank ? Probably not but, (we) have learned not to test this blessing of sobriety.

MM

Didn't want to get long winded in my last post, but there were actually 2 other things I wanted to share regarding experiences like MMBs. Both band related...

About 6 or 7 years ago I did an out of town show with a partying band. We played probably one of the wildest shows of my life, was a St. Patty's day bash... forum rules would prevent me from detailing things that were going on, and well... when we finished, I went immediately to our hotel room, which was part of the venue we were playing. There were things going on that played into other addictions of mine, and I was certain the bar area was a dangerous place to be. About a half an hour later, the guys came back to the room with a bunch of girls. Truth be told, I panicked. I made like I was in a dead sleep. They started lighting up joints, and it got to the point where I couldn't take it. I sat up and asked them if they could go somewhere else. The girls were awesome, really apologetic and gave me no problem at all. The guys hated me. They all left. I laid in bed, and again, being totally honest, just wanted to cry. All at that moment that went through my head was that I had a choice. Lay here alone in bed, or have the partying night I could with those girls and the rest of the band. For about a million reasons I won't detail, I knew I couldn't participate with out the drinking and drugging part. It wouldn't have been sober behavior for me. Especially since I was engaged to be married.

I believe it's only because of my rock solid foundation in AA that my subconscious overrode all my other thoughts at that moment. I felt completely defenseless, yet I did what I know I needed to do.

Looking back, had I participated and not asked them to leave I'm 99.9% certain I'd have destroyed my life. I could detail the reasons, but it doesn't take a whole lot of creativity to imagine them. What I got instead was; I quit that band - which opened the door for other bands and new friends were I fit much more nicely, I have an awesome wife and happy marriage, I'm coming up on 31 years sober, still growing, having fun, sharing my experiences, bla, bla, bla.... I traded 3 hours of debauchery, for so much more, and the ability to enjoy the rest of my life.

I am certain that I did the right thing in that situation, as uncomfortable as it was at the time I did it. Should mention that that experience came with over 20 years sobriety under my belt :). I'm not perfect. And I know that this disease can take a jab at me at any time for the rest of my life. I don't fear it, only because I know that I keep an open mind, and always continue to work at my growth mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially.

That alone was too long winded for me to share the 2nd thing I was gonna :). In a writing mood this sunday morning.

Thanks everyone- this was a great thread and very timely for me!!!

Joe Nerv-

WOW; now that is a great story in sobriety. Thanks for posting.

I loved this thread and it is a perfect topic for me on this day. Thanks to all for sharing.

I'm a college student, and so I understand this. When people get together at college, all they do is drink until they pass out. That's the college party.

For me, I'm definitely not interested in going to these anymore. At first I was bummed out and even a bit saddened, but as I've gotten more open to sober living I'm in no way tempted or upset by my dismissing of those parties completely anymore.

Really think about them. What do you do? You drink, drink, drink--- and then go home. Parties like that are vapid and without point. They're a thing that most people do because it's easy and it kills time--- but that's just what sober living teaches us to really fight against! "Killing time" is horrible; that is drinking, and drugs, and any sort of intoxicant. It's just wasteful, and so when I look at those parties I used to go to or even bars and anything like that, all I see is idleness and waste.

I'm not tempted by these things these days, but while I was I found what helped me get past it was doing an activity. Even if it's the middle of the night I found having a good and pensive walk really helped bring me out of that desirous mindset. Genuine activities far exceed idle ones.

So funny.... I used to drink partly because I felt I didn't fit in. Then I got sober and booze parties made me feel like I didn't fit in. ;)

hi 120, to answer your question, I don't go. I skip em. I don't feel one bit guilty about it. And yes, its boring as hell not drinking when everyone else is telling all their stories about the debauchery in their lives.