digderidoo

Hi guys, it's been a while since I've been here but looking for a bit of advice.

I'm 5 years sober, don't really think about a drink and if I do then the immediate thought coupled with that is that I can't drink.

I've just popped into my 18 year old sons room and came across a bottle of Jack Daniels. I must admit it has hit me as a bit of a shock. There is just the two of us living together, he's a good kid, occasionally goes out partying but nothing out of the ordinary for a lad of his age. I've known for a while that this day would come. He's had his girlfriend around for the night, something I have recently allowed him to do, they obviously had a drink last night ... again nothing out of the ordinary. He probably hasn't even thought about me being alcoholic, he doesn't actually remember me drinking as I was two years sober before my last short relapse.

He has gone out for the day with his girlfriend, I must admit I popped into his room sneaking (he has some chocolate hidden away) ... I hold my hands up, I fancied one of his chocolates (he has loads). Anyhow sitting on his bookshelf is this bottle of Jack Daniels. I just stared at it and for a couple of seconds really wanted a drink. You see the odd moment I have wanted a drink is when my guard is down, when something hits me out of the blue ... a bit like a side swipe I didn't see coming.

This is a first for me ... on the one hand I understand that many alcoholics live in a house whereby another member of the family drink. I have been wondering whether to ask him not to bring alcohol in the house, but then wander whether I'm being unfair to him ... after all I did go snooping in his room for hidden chocolate, he isn't flaunting it in my face by drinking in the lounge or dining area, it's just a case of him having a drink with his girlfriend.

There must be some of you guys on here whose family still drink, I wondered how you manage with it? Does it become a problem? I'm trying to get the image of this bottle out of my head (it was only 30 mins ago), but can't help wondering whether to just ask him not to bring alcohol in the house (but then I'd have to tell him I've been sneaking in his room I guess).

Thanks for listening.

JeffreyAK

Maybe give it a day and see how you feel then? As you've undoubtedly experienced yourself, cravings fade away, and what seems looming as an image in your head right now, might not tomorrow.

happybeingme

I am one of those who has alcohol in the house. When I quit there was. I was just ready to be done. But, that's me. For you in your home, you make the rules. If you would be more comfortable without it in the house then tell your son. Sure you need to confess sneaking around for chocolate but that is minor.

Sit him down man to man and tell him how you feel.

erics

The helpful part you are doing that I see is talking about it, or writing about it on here. Take it to a meeting and say it out loud. I've been there when I'm on vacation with family and they literally stock the fridge and freezer with some of my old faves. I just remember where it took me. And seeing them the next morning after looking sick and rattled and pouring another at noon is insurance for me. In my own house I cannot have any at all but that's just me. I know I'd be pining away thinking about it. I do know some friends who are sober and can have it around so I don't think it's an all or nothing sort of thing.

Turtle82

Hi digderidoo. I tend to read more between the lines than the lines themselves so forgive me if I'm getting it wrong.

First, I'm hearing guilt. That's not good for you. In your shoes, I would have to confess to breaching his privacy and apologize. Do I think what you did was awful... no... but I sense you're having twinges so I think you need to handle that for a clear conscience. Its not like you rifled through his room and, depending on his maturity, he should understand. It could have happened as a result of smelling smoke for instance... you had no intention of snooping. It also might make both of you accept a lock on his door easier. Would a lock be a problem for you? Do you feel locks make it easier to hide illegal stuff or activity in your home? Its an issue roomies deal with... any liability falling on the owner's shoulders. There are also safety issues like fires with locks of course so you might just kick ideas around with each other.

Second, I'm not sure if your main concern is actually temptation in the house as that's easily remedied with a lock. Not meaning to offend, but, are you jealous? I think most of us have been through wishing we could "enjoy" like others do is why I ask. Or, along that line, are you concerned about him? Are you worried because he shares your genes? If either of these are operating, then no lock is going to solve it.

He's 18 and doing adult things so, in my view, you should be able to have an adult conversation with him. I think it would be good for you to just spit things out... about your alcoholism and what you live with internally as well as your parental fears for him if that's the case. I would just be super honest about all of it.. owning it rather than sounding accusatory of course. Our concerns for our kids don't change just because their bodies get big. Even when they're grown with kids of their own we'll still be their parent caring about them. But, yeh, there's a difference between normal, healthy, caring love and co-dependence.. don't go there for sure.

readerbaby71

My sister used to live with me and drank occasionally. At a point I asked her not to bring alcohol in the house. I felt a bit bad, but my sobriety is my #1 priority. Nothing is stopping your son from going out and having a drink. If you don't feel comfortable having it in the house, don't. He will understand. My sister was really sweet about it.

digderidoo

Thanks guys, I'm feeling better about it now an hour or two has passed ... I've even forgotten about it being there at one point as I was in the middle of some work. I think I'll take on board the advice of giving it a day or two and see how I feel.

There's no guilt about pinching a chocolate Turtle82, he pinches mine all the time ... just an embarrassing owning up and fessing I guess. There is no need for locks. Perhaps I do need to have a talk to him about my alcoholism and what goes on internally, to him I just don't drink and go to AA meetings, he probably hasn't given it a second thought.

I'll share it at a meeting. I know there are a number who have families with alcohol in the house, I guess I need to talk to them as to how I move forward.

Che

Hi digeridoo,

I think your son will be okay with that. It sounds like you have a good relationship with him. When you have a good relationship with a person, it's okay to ask them little favours to help you keep your peace of mind.

As a parent you'll have to use your judgement to balance telling him you don't want alcohol in the house with not teaching him to keep alcohol a secret.

FLCamper

My daughter lives with me and has alcohol in her room. I don't like liquor so that's not a problem for me. I have asked that they not leave beer in the fridge in the off chance that it would be a temptation.
He's 18 with a girlfriend - sorry, Dad, he's not thinking about your alcoholism! :-)

JensDestiny

My opinion is of this... my parents were both alcoholics, their parents were alcoholics, I am an alcoholic, etc..While I don't like the idea of a predetermined fate; I do feel that some people are more susceptible to addiction than others and genetics does play into that. Personally, I would be most concerned about talking to your son about the dangers of addiction and alcoholism. Not in a way that you come across threatening or uncomfortable but just having the conversation.

I agree that it sounds like you have a good relationship with your son. That is wonderful and hopefully will help make any decision you have easier to handle.

Nevertheless

You have to always be prepared for the unexpected. Like the end of a bad day ,or week at work. And the boss pulls his truck in,plops down the tailgate ,and opens up a huge cooler of iced down beer. Life is full of surprises.
As far as keeping alcohol in the house,I keep the beer that was next in line the night I quit right next to the television. I keep it there so I don't forget what i was thinking when I quit. All of the ridiculous things I did,and the difficulties of getting the monkey off my back are fresh in my mind because of that single beer by the TV.
Of course it's your house,and if it's threatening your sobriety,it needs to go. Just tell him to keep it out of sight. I kind of unknowingly set my stepdad up years ago like that. He was a recovered alcoholic,and i had a bottle of whiskey in my toolbox in the garage,and never gave it any thought. One day he simply said "don't tempt me like that". I had no idea what i was doing to him. But I always kept whiskey out of his sight after that.

Hopeless1978

I used to have alcohol in my dad's house and now looking back, I feel terrible about it, as my dad used to be a bad alcoholic. He was sober for about 10 years at the time, but still, it's one day at a time and if he ever would've drank any of my booze, I would've felt terrible. I kept it in the fridge! Right out there! I agree with a previous post, it's YOUR house. YOU make the rules. However, he might get pissed that you were "snooping" in his room. Kids!!

digderidoo

Thank you for the comments. It's been a week and I'm fine with the bottle in his room. I haven't felt the need to speak to him about it, so long as it stays in his room ... he does know about me going into his room for a chocolate though as noticed a couple of biscuits missing lol

trachemys

There's a reason they raised the drinking age to 21 here in the States. It's because the brain hasn't matured. Alcohol ******* brain development. I am a perfect example. An alcoholic.