kamaua

I was coming up on my 2 years of being sober this august but I relapsed and it seems out of nowhere...

I had been at a conference with about 20 other people... they drank every night and I socialized but stayed sober... until the last night. I suddenly found myself asking for a beer and I drank 4 of them very fast.. which completely totaled me because my tolerance was low and I have lost a lot of weight recently.
That was yesterday. Now I'm drinking again today.
I didn't even blink it happened so fast..

now what? Back to zero tomorrow? I hope...

Goldenwine

kamaua, you are not back to zero. You know what to expect and if you made for two years, you can make it again. I am an heavy drinker for more than 20 years and I just finally decided to stop before it kills me. Sunday 14 June will be my Day 1. Come with me we will do this together!

biminiblue

I don't think "back to zero" is necessary - you've learned a lot in the last two years, but please, please stop now.

Please don't beat yourself up and do come back to the side of health and safety.

Welcome to the site, kamaua .

Dee74

Hi Kamaua

I took back to zero to mean back to zero drinks, and I hope so too.
I do take the others point here tho.

You're not back to zero recoverywise - you have everything you learned and accomplished in those nearly 2 years - that gives you a massive head start on folks coming to this cold.

How did you quit and stay sober last time?

D

JeffreyAK

Just like you decided to drink last night and today, you can choose right now to not drink any more, before you slip farther down the hole.

Soberintexas007

Hi Kamaua,
Sorry to hear about your relapse. You are very vulnerable right now, and I just pray that you can get back to Day 1. Yes, you do have to start over when it comes to counting days, but if you are able to regroup and get back on the sober wagon, then you will be able to take with you a lot of sober experience and hopefully learn what went wrong.

BrenMurphy

Hi Kamaua,
Whatever happened has happened, now.
The only thing we can control and influence is right now, this very moment.
It's easy to say "Well, I've relapsed, let's make this worth it" and drink on.
Or, you can put it down, get rid of everything, put your walking shoes on and get outside in the air and walk for an hour. Just walk 30 minutes out and then 30 minutes back.
The instant you can get back your sober thinking the better. It's a slip, let's not make it a full blown relapse...
You can do this...
Bren

alphaomega

Hi and welcome Kamaua.

I wanted to say thanks for your post. Your honesty reminds me that in a simple instant, with one bad choice, and the floodgates open back up and we are back to battling on the front line.

I can only further suggest what has already been noted, and that's to nip this in the bud immediately. We all know how quickly this can go from bad to inexplicably horrible.

You have every tool you had a few days ago. Dust them off and put them back on the table.

You got this.

Soberintexas007

Yes, and that is what the AV says: "You just relapsed after having close to 2 years, so now at least have fun with it and make it worth it." But then if someone continues to drink, things get worse and worse. It is going to be very difficult to stop right now Kam, but it is possible.

kamaua

thanks everyone for your responses. It seems I still have a lot to learn

I drank again today. It's incredible how quickly I am back to the same habits. I hope to be sober tomorrow. I took my sobriety for granted and need to work on this every day. Please don't give in anyone... this is truly hell and I feel defeated

Tippingpoint

You can do it. It's actually just as simple as stopping. And yes, it is your choice.

Turtle82

I'm sorry you're going thru this. All is not lost. Forget about the number and think about your experience. That's not lost. You've learned something from it.. that's a huge value. A rider feels defeated when they get thrown and a boxer when they get knocked out but they turn that feeling of defeat into victory when they get back on the horse or back in the ring. You can do it... one minute, hour or day at a time staying focused on the choice you're making in each of them.

MrTumble

Try and leave it, you could be opening the door to another 10 years of boozing before you manage 2 years free again.

MrTumble

Act now, seriously, dont dabble with it. I had 2 years and since then have struggled to get past 6 months because I just let it slip again and again....

Soberintexas007

Sorry to hear about your struggles. It basically comes down to two choices: To be sober or not to be sober. If you choose to continue drinking, then that is your choice, but you have to be ready to accept any consequences that can result from this choice. I wish you well.

Grungehead

I've relapsed after long term sobriety (more than once unfortunately) so I can speak from experience. If you stop right now you have not gone back to zero in what you've learned from the last two years. If you don't stop now though you may lose what you've gained and then some. I had 7 years of sobriety and had a "F it" moment. Eight years later I came crawling back to recovery having lost everything.

It's easy to screw up and say "oh well I might as well drink today since I screwed up". If you you have enough of those "oh well" days in a row there is no guarantee there will be another recovery.

Dee74

How are you doing kamaua?

D

Imtehaan

Hello Kamau.... You are so honest.. You have almost 2 years of sobriety under your belt... You do not need to feel so guilty and overwhelmed by the fact that you ended up having 4 beers, last night ... Your body and mind have already become used to, not having alcohol for almost 2 years.. Hence, if you do not drink from today onwards, you are not going to face any major physical withdrawal symptoms.. However, if you continue drinking, your next detox can be really really painful.. Because , your, already adjusted body and mind , will be off equilibrium with double impact, if you continue drinking.. My therapist told me this... When some one relapses by rare chance, the hard work put in does not go waste, if one stops immediately after the relapse .. Am I sounding too simple ? She also said that every next detox is more and more painful and usually 4th or 5th detox always ends up in Hospital and ER... Please stop now. From today only... It is too much hard work already put in by you and we do not want to re-invent the wheel...

kamaua

Thank you all for these replies. This has helped...

The panicking and reaction is the scariest. I'm now on day 3...
I can do this

silentrun

Your doing great Kamaua. You came back, are getting yourself some support and are taking care of this. I just passed the 2 years a couple of months ago and had some trouble. I am still hanging around here so I have a great resource and didn't end up drinking. I don't really understand how this all works but it seems like my mind will try to snap back into old ways. Being sober seemed effortless so small slips back went unnoticed until it lead to "that thought".
I am doubling down on my recovery until my brain is either permanently in the new track or I am aware of the small slips before they can get me to drink.