sleepie

Here I go again, just letting you all know.
I identified my stressors, it's aways work.
Always. Yes I am looking for a new job.
I think though that my stress tolerance is so low I am going to have trouble all the time. So I don't know what to do there.

ScottFromWI

Hi sleepie. Do you mean again as in trying to stop or again as in you are drinking again? I hope it's the latter.

Regarding your stress tolerance, that's something you've known about for quite some time I believe, right? What have you tried to help with it? I have been seeing a therapist and exploring mindfulness and meditation to help with my anxiety/stress...have you ever read about it?

sleepie

Again for quitting. I suck at meditation. The whole time I am doing it I just think about how I can't wait for it to be over.

ScottFromWI

That's pretty common, even for those who have a lot of experience at it. It's hard to do, but it does work for a lot of people.

Bottom line, getting sober is going to involve you doing things that you most likely don't want t do. There is not magic pill or book or surgery you can have that will suddenly transform you into a happy, well adjusted sober person. I wish there was as I would have taken advantage of it myself a looong time ago.

So what options do you think you have here? What have you not tried yet?

sleepie

What exactly does meditation do? What have you noticed? I tried it for a couple months daily 30 minutes years ago and was still just a nervous wreck all the time.

zjw

work is an issue for me as well sleepie. I sit around and think about what problems I dont have this makes me feel better at times. I'll try and zone out or read a book or go for a walk or something.

I understand the easily stressed. for me with work i'm just not very good at handling the pressure anymore LIkei used too. I think thats what it boils down too. I start to work i get overwhelmed then i need a break time for a walk ar un or a book read or a meditation session etc.. The issue is i'm only getting a couple hours of work done each day as a result. I know my luck will run out sooner or later.

But for me I wont drink. I know thats not a solution at all. I'll suffer through it i'll give up i'll throw in the towell and yell uncle but i wont drink.

If drinking would solve anything I guess it'd be an option i'd huck back on the table but I know it wont.

zjw

for what its worth. i went for a walk today i got down this one trail and at the edge of the woods all you can see is this field and the moutains you cant see a powerline or a house or anything like that. as usual i was just in awe of this view I soaked it in and I thought this this how i feel in this moment if i could just feel like this all day long! now all i wanna do is go back to that trail pull up a log sit down and stare.

that feeling i get tho while seeing that view thats what i keep reaching for.

sleepie

A wal like that is exactly what I need zjw, I think we all do. I have zero freedom in my work day. under lock down ten hours straight, the boss doesn't even like me to shut down for a bit to grab lunch.
Anyway so today on my day off it's chores chores chores... more work, I won't be able to do anything meaningful or creative today.

zjw

can you make time for something meaningful or creative?

sounds like your job stinks! I dunno about you but I'm trapped in my job. my saving grace is that at lunchtime i go for a walk or a run each day and while i only get an hour lunch I'll take 2 SHHHHHH so i can calm my S*** down. That sorta behaivior might get me fired but I'm just trying to get through each day.

you work 10 hour days for low wage could you get 2 diff jobs to make ends meet? or is it again a stupid struggle to even find the jobs?

for me finding work is proving to be very challenging if i wanted to make less i could find work more easily and work that appeals to me too but I wont be able to feed my family.

I'm at the point where I'm taking into consideration working for a lower wage if possible and jumping on welfare if it means my sanity. I guess thats what its come too in this country? I dunno.

I can tell you this much tho if you push through and you just dont drink about it it gets better. I know that much. I"m having some bad days right now myself but even as discouraged as i am i know these days will pass.

ScottFromWI

I am using meditation in conjunction with reading about and trying to practice "mindfulness". There's a lot of different definitions for it, but my best explanation is that it is living in the moment...and viewing all of the thoughts in your head for what they really are - just thoughts. You don't need to act on them or judge them, you just acknowledge them for what they are

That's why meditation is so hard...because your mind is spitting out all those thoughts at a very high rate, and when you purposefully try to just ignore them and focus on mediation/breath/etc it's even more evident.

I've only been at this for a few weeks but it really has helped my anxiety pretty markedly. The long term goal is to use meditation to help you get used to letting all those random thoughts pass by, or to keep you from making a lot of fuss in your head about them.

zjw

The tricky part for me is to constantly be the watcher. My mind is good at grabbing me by the nose and pulling me all around.

For example my issues with work. I can stand on the outside and go look at that there ::shrug:: and go for a run or wtvr else. I can see my problems there I can smile at them. I can go about my way doing whatever.

Or I can see my problems with work. I can start to focus on them give them my attention they and my thoughts start to pull on me and hook me and suck me in. Thats when I'm setup for the hurting my mind about to dish out on me. The doubt the turmoil I'm a failure this job is too much stress etc.. I cant take anymore etc....

The tricky part for me is to remain as the watchman. Watching my thoughts and feelings as if they where just clouds passing through the sky etc...

sleepie

SfromWI did you employ meditation to quit drinking?
If so, what exactly did it do when you wanted to drink ?

Also- as usual I will be perfectly honest. I hate the thought of being seen as some hippy dippy dips***... half the people I watch these videos of are so, sloooooow and just seem rather lifeless.

sleepie

Yes I know I am lifeless with alcohol in me so can we skip that part please?

zjw

I think the issue is at least for me my life was incredibly unmanageable and unbalanced when i drank. when i removed the booze it was like HOLY F**** how am i gonna cope with THIS!! PANIC etc... along the way recovery has been two fold learning how to cope but also trying to reassemble my life into something more manageable.

Reassembling my life into something more manageable is the part where like you said I dont want to be seen as (insert whatever) I had to get out of my comfortzone there a bit.

I'm also a firm believer that society today is not conducive to people feeling fulfilled and happy. if it where I dont think we'd have so many folks with so many substance problems etc...

Rather then laying down and dieing and saying oh well this is how life is I better put on my big boy pants grow up and get used to it I really think one can change there life around so that things can work out better for them. but it takes time and in the meantime for me i need my coping tools at my disposal.

for example I dont think for example in your case I dont think you where created and designed to handle the job you got etc.. and come home smiling each day feeling as it was a rather good rewarding solid days work etc.. I dont think this is your fault. I think how you are simple does not mesh well with this kind of setup. I think you can find a way to cope with it temporarily that doesnt include booze because as we know we dont mesh well with that either.

Its hard tho having to endure things till things change. Today I thought perhaps I should apply this acceptance thing to my job... I thought wala thats the solution went back to work and got smacked up side the head again. Oh well better luck tommorrow.

sleepie

Thanks zjw that whole post was well put and spot on.

Soberintexas007

LOL, I am the exact same way!!!

ScottFromWI

I did not use it to stop drinking, I quit drinking a couple of years ago. I am using meditation to deal with my anxiety and panic and also seeing counselor.

I'd caution against sterotyping those that meditate based on a few youtube videos. It's perfectly accepable to silently meditate with no one even knowing you are doing it. I usually do it either in the evening or over my lunch break, you only need about 10 minutes. You just need someplace fairly quiet and simply sit and concentrate on your breathing.

CupofJoe

Ha ha! I totally know what you mean.

(Although I have hippy friends, but I get it...)

Try checking out Dharma Punx.
This is a video of Noah Levine talking about love--it's a nice description.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIbf_mbztdI

One of my favorite teachers from Dharma Punx once talked about when he first started meditating, he was freaking out that he didn't want to close his eyes because he was afraid someone was going to steal his "stuff" and he spent the entire time wondering when the f- the teacher was going to ring the bell. And it was ok. He really helped me understand that I didn't have to worry about not meeting my own expectations of what meditating was "supposed" to be like. You just are where you are and deal with that.

Don't judge your thoughts, don't hang onto them, just notice them, gently direct your awareness back to your breath and refocus. Just be and accept who you are and where you are right this moment.

Meditation helped me observe my thoughts and not always react, react, react to them. I've definitely become more aware and compassionate because of meditating.

And now you've inspired me to pick up my practice again.

But like someone else said, start small. Maybe 5 minutes. Observe your thoughts, don't obsess over them, just notice them and let them drift on, like clouds in the sky.

Hope that doesn't sound too hippy drippy, haha.

Glad you're still here.

Muunray

At IOP they tried to give us a quickie intro to meditation. Every single time I fell asleep.