Resentments
 

I'm not thinking right today, people. I know it will go away but I have no patience for others today. Starting with my neighbor, stubborn, know it all who refuses to listen to anybody but herself. She just insulted me on 20 different levels. She insulted my home, my farm an my animals. She basically called my land dirty (totally not) and my house (not) and does not believe anything animal related I tell her. I work at a wildlife rehab center. I might be right when I say you cannot raise baby ducks on bread. She is standing there wondering why they are dying. So I call my AA friend to vent. This is my sickness in high gear now which is hard for me to admit. She tells me to go read some page in the big book and abruptly gets off the phone with me which pisses me off even more adding to the pile of resentments. What do I do with all this anger now? I'm sitting here fuming and venting to you guys.

Jennifer

when i get that angry I go for a walk or a run. or I do some hard physical labor chore. Only because its not socially acceptable to go bash someones face in :) no dont do that!. But I believe anger is an emotion that needs a physical release its hard to breathe it away or something.

The best way I've found to deal with people like this is to use nothing but kindness. I know, it sounds so odd, but it works. Smile at every smug remark. Offer to help in some way. Anything, really, to change the subject without making matters worse. She isn't going away, you're going to have to learn to live with her. You never know, might be a friend in the making once you both change your attitudes towards each other.

Or you could always ignore her, live next to each other and hate her for God knows how many years. Either way, drinking isn't going to solve this. You'll probably end up getting drunk and going off on her and making the situation 1000x worse.

God bless.

and having raised baby ducks myself is she friggen nuts!! ::facepalm::

What page?
64 perhaps?

Thank u zjw... And I believe that's the page. I'm starting to calm down. I didn't go out without my typical stubborn behavior though. In the woods there is something called pack rats or wood rats which are completely different than urban rats. Different species. They don't come in houses, they do come out from the woods and eat leftover chicken feed. She has been through my yard when I'm not here and asked what the hole was by my coop and I told her. She freaked, accused me of being dirty and infested...etc... Soo stubborn Jen sent her an article from fish and game about wood rats and an article about waterfowl, she doesn't believe rats live in the woods and the rivers and the swamps...I'm going to go read 63 and do my homework now before I lose my mind completely.

Jennifer

Yes. Yes she is. And when I tried weeks ago to educate her on the matter she ignored me. One week later I wound up euthanizing one of her baby ducks and aggressively treating the other. It made it. I went over to check on the baby duck and the feed dish was filled with...you guessed it...bread. She actually told me at the bus stop today "guess what I just read...bread is bad for ducks" I responded with a no **** I've been telling you that and you don't listen...uggggh page 63 here I come

Jennifer

Or 64...whatever...I'll read both.

Jennifer

Oh Jen...just slap her! Kidding...I am kidding!!!!!!!

There are lots of uninformed and unintelligent people out there. They cannot help it. Pray for her!

Hugs and more hugs!

I wish I had a farm and lived away from the city. You're so lucky Jen. Count your blessings :)

When I get like that I have to ask myself, "What's really aggravating you, Carl?"

And it's rarely the incident or incidents that are occurring, but something deeper, something that's simmering below the surface and it's whatever stupidity I forced to endure that has tipped the kettle.

So I ask you. "What's has you riled up, really?"

I don't know, her stubbornness or mine perhaps.

I will give myself this pat on the back. I laughed all through the anger spell. It's all better now

Jennifer

What a dingbat.
those ducks were very fortunate to have you around :)
Poor duckies.

hang in there. you sound like me with how you can blow a gasket over some stuff!

I think i'm gonna go read those pages myself now too probably do me some good!

I'm sorry for the way her ducks are being handled.

I think is one of the many times I would resort to the Serenity Prayer.

Resentments are difficult. And they often get compounded by someone throwing Bigbook quotes at you :). My experience is that those doing that have no real experience of their own with actually handling and resolving resentments, they can only parrot things they've heard and read.

That being said, I take their reminders none the less and do what's suggested. I journal about my resentment. I do a mini 4th step, writing what I'm angry about and how it affects me. And then I take a good hard look at myself and my part in the situation. When I'm done with all that, I pray as earnestly as I can for the people I'm resenting. And you know what immediately happens after that.... ?

Nothing.

And I'm forced to learn to sit and accept my feelings just a little bit more. And then I pray some more... And then I talk with people, listen, and I continue doing all the above... Knowing in my heart I'm doing the best I can.... And then eventually, I find myself in a completely different space. I no longer resent the people or person I resented. It really is miraculous, and it works, but for me it doesn't work quite the way some people would like me to believe it should. It doesn't happen instantly. It takes time. Days, sometimes weeks, even months. But it always winds up happening, so long as I continually work at it.

Contrary to popular belief I've found its ok to have resentments. It's human. It's only important that we don't act on them, and that we work towards healing them. Recognizing them is the first step.

My experience, anyhow :).

How about a long soak in a bubble bath while you listen to a bit of Bob D (on resentments)... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHxIwDlyUIU

The resentment prayer works pretty well for me (but sometimes I have to say it quite a few times, and the first few times the names often have a few sparkly expletives jazzing them up).

Dear God, I have a resentment towards a person that I want to be free of. So, I am asking you to give this person everything I want for myself. Help me to feel compassionate understanding and love for this person. I pray that they will receive everything they need. Thank you God for your help and strength with this resentment. (BB, Freedom from Bondage: 552)

Hi there. Many of us that aren't raised around farm animals have childhood visions of bringing bread to the park to feed the ducks. I certainly did and only gradually did I learn that it was a bad thing - like reading the sign "DON"T FEED BREAD TO THE DUCKS!!!" I'm sorry that your neighbor is such a pain in the neck. I have a neighbor like that too. Only it's a guy. Only hears his own opinions and isn't shy about sharing them. It's a trial. I usually go into an altered state or trance when he's talking. No, make that expounding. I'm sure someday I will agree to some crazy thing that he says only because I'm not really listening but it keeps me from throttling him.

Serenity prayer. Praying for the person like Beccy said. I use that one with my mother in law.

And venting within reason. I've done too much of it sometimes and then felt an anger hangover the next day. Taking a walk would be healthier.

Once a rage aholic, the steps helped me find the causes and conditions and a great solution, which took practice and T.I.M.E. for the promises of ALL the steps to materialize.
How far are ya in your stepwork?

Not everyone is able to explain stuff well - especially to a hot-headed; resentful alcoholic in full blown wounded-pride, damaged-ego, ranting mode ;)

Maybe she was in the middle of something or on her way out to an appointment.

If the BB says something succinctly I don't think there is an issue with someone directing another person to the page they need so that they can calm down a little and read it through later. Especially if they know that they might muddy the waters by explaining it less well.