Soberintexas007

I recently disclosed to my family about my drinking. They are now very concerned and pretty much freaking out. I have turned off my phone on them.

Isn't it ironic that they are concerned now, yet they didn't seem too concerned when they were physically abusing me while growing up? Screw them. They are getting everything they now deserve for what they did to me, even if it is at the expense of me hurting myself by drinking. I hope they are tortured, just like how they tortured me...

I can remember how my mother used to belt me while I screamed in my bedroom for her to stop, yet she just kept on bruising me. And she did all of this while SHE had been drinking...

I am fed up with acting like everything was okay, when in fact it was not.

Dee74

Drinking at people never works. Neither does wishing bad things on them.

The best revenge is to live well, SoberinTX.

You're not that child anymore - you're an adult and you can react in adult ways - don't let the past define you

D

Soberintexas007

I know you are right, Dee. But I must admit it feels damn good to give them a taste of their own medicine!!!

I want to see them sweat like they made me cry.

Mountainmanbob

I was also beat as a kid.
We need to work on these resentments.
Mountainman

Anna

You know that won't work. Things will get much worse if you drink, and you are the one who will pay the price.

Hawkeye13

It sounds like you're drinking--I hope I'm wrong, but picking up won't help you heal and become the person you are capable of being.

Aren't you close to finishing your degree to become a counselor?
You won't be able to do that as an active addict.

You have the chance to help other suffering people by dealing with the pain you grew up with, and transforming it into loving energy to help yourself and them.

Being angry and locked into a past you can't change, and drinking to hurt your parents, isn't moving you forward--it's dragging you back and down.

You have the power to choose differently.

suki44883

You hurting yourself by drinking won't torture them; it will torture you. You can't take poison and expect other people to die. It just doesn't work that way. The best way to get back at them is to live a sober life in spite of what they did. You can't change the past, but when you harm yourself by drinking, you are still giving them power over you. Don't do that.

ScottFromWI

Hope you can get the help you need. Changing your eating habits is not going to help you solve these problems I'm afraid sober.

Soberintexas007

My parents believe that I am just being selfish when I drink. And they don't believe in rehab or getting any type of help. They think people who do that are weak.

ScottFromWI

What they believe is not important in relation to your recovery. What you believe is. Perhaps it's time you called back and found out more about the rehab you checked into last week. What does your sponsor and therapist think?

Soberintexas007

I don't have any substance abuse coverage. So I would need to call a different number they gave me for state funded programs. I no longer have a sponsor, and my therapist does not think anything.

I drink two bottles of wine each night, or usually 1.75 bottles. And I also smoke pot. Sometimes my only hope is thinking that somehow this amount can get me through.

Soberintexas007

Everything is a complete mess. I got into an argument with my father tonight about how much money he gives me each month. My parents try to be helpful, but they don't agree with therapy, rehab, AA, or any of those things. They think people who need help are weak.

ScottFromWI

There are free and reduced cost rehabs. Your therapist should be able to help you locate one. Pot and wine are not the answer.

Soberintexas007

Well, I will talk to her this Saturday at 5 pm about those options. But my family will think I am completely insane for needing such help, but, as you said, I guess that is unimportant. I know deep down that pot and wine are not the answer.

And yes, I am close to being a counselor myself. Before I started drinking again a few months ago, I was able to really help people. People liked me.

Well, at least now you know where my underlying schema comes from in which people who need outside help are weak - it comes from my PARENTS!

Soberintexas007

Any, by the way, I thought that a lot of you did not support me enough in my previous attempt to stay sober. I was doing so well, but so many of you were not responding to my situation, and that was hurtful.

ScottFromWI

Your underlying schema is actually that you are an alcoholic just like the rest of us. This week you are placing blame on your parents for your drinking. Last week it was your eating disorder. The week before that it was your husband. Prior to that it was gambling. You see the pattern? The problem is the drinking...and none of the rest of it will get better until you find a way to stop it.

dwtbd

Stx007
I say that you hope the wine and pot will get you through. That implies a destination or goal, if sobriety is the endgame, how can continuing to drink and smoke get you there? Even the simplest and practical manner, it can't literally get you there. Bottom line, yes?

Soberintexas007

Yes, you are right. So lets say I try to stop it by going to a rehab. My parents will be upset at me for choosing that option because of their beliefs.

Soberintexas007

What I was trying to say was that if it is hopeless in me getting sober at this time, I was just wondering if someone can "get by" with having 1.5 bottles of wine each night and sometimes smoking some pot with it? Meaning, could it buy me some time? Can someone still be functional drinking that amount?

ScottFromWI

What your parents think doesn't matter. You are and adult and you need to do what is best for you.