1needhelp

I'm looking forward to just day 5 of sobriety. I guess we all realized at some point the cost is to high to ever drink again. I just hope I can keep this momentum up

amp123

One step at a time! You can do it! The cost is too high but also you reach a point where you probably wouldn't want to drink anyway. Wishing you well.

1needhelp

I'm afraid I've already paid a very high cost at this point. Right now I'm in the early stages of a nasty hangover. It's pretty easy for me not to drink on days like this. It's the following days that always trip me up.

gaffo

Personally, I had to stop waiting for some "magic moment" to stop. There was to be no bottom, no parting of the clouds, no beeping noises, I just had to embrace the itchy feelings of early sobriety with the faith that they would go away and they did. Now I've hit the AV with the proverbial frying pan enough times that he never pokes his head out anymore. It is NOT easy but it is so worth it. Take drinking off the option list forever. One day at a time becomes easier when you know that you are not holding your breath until the next drink. As far as being ashamed of your drunken exploits, don't you dare use that as an excuse to drink. Your "sordid past" will just make your sobriety seem that much more glorious to you and all those around you.

Ken33xx

Over the years in AA this seems a fairly common m.o. especially for someone with time

Picking up that first drink wasn't necessary a thought which came out of the blue.

But a thought that had been developing over time.

advbike

I relapsed for decades. I finally quit, with the help of an addiction counselor, AA, and this forum. But I have to tell you, AA meetings helped the most when things got rough and my mind was playing it's tricks. I still go to meetings and I'm finally working the steps to find peace of mind.

The program works. It's that simple. I didn't believe in AA either but my counselor encouraged me to go. He said no one wants to go.. haha. You just have to decide how badly you want sobriety. If you want it you can have it. It is a miracle for those who have been unable to quit any other way.

1needhelp

I hear what you are saying with AA. At this point in time, I need every help that I can get. I read a post about someone who went to AA who is also an atheist as well. She found a way for AA to work for her. She found strength in a supportive community. And right now the most important thing is my sobriety. I feel that it is life or death for me.

Dee74

Welcome back 1needhelp

I agree with you I wouldn't rule out any avenue of help right now. Fight this with everything you have

D

Sudz No More

I relapsed several times over two years before I finally stopped for good. What helped me stay stopped long enough the last time was getting a good psychologist to feel accountable to. Going to him made feel like I would really be a loser if I had to go to my next weekly appointment with and tell him I drank. So it helped me stay sober long enough to break the chains. How long you might ask? It took me 90 solid days to feel stable but 6 to 7 months to feel finally free of any real dangerous cravings. Just hang in there long enough this time to make it passed the mental impulses, you just have to tough it out for those3 months to really start to get a foothold on the cravings. It can be done, there are many here that will attest to that you just have to grind it out. You'll be surprised after a certain point when you realize the cravings are gone. You'll be kicking yourself for thinking they would never go away, I know I did but holding out long enough was the best thing I ever did.

Hevyn

It's so good to see you back, 1needhelp. I wasn't quite ready when I first joined SR. Despite all the terrible things drinking had done to my life, I still thought willpower alone could help me drink socially. I wish I hadn't been such a slow learner - but here I am, 8+ years sober. The thing I thought I could never live without barely crosses my mind these days. There's no doubt you can do this. You sound disgusted - and ready.

entropy1964

One day at a time you'll get there. I cannot drink. Its off the table. I don't want to ever go through this again. But even now, only five days, I'll hear that little voice....I tell it to shut the hell up I do not do that anymore. And it does. I'm so habituated to crave/obsess over alcohol that even at only 5 days its pulling on my ear. Its pure addiction. And it doesn't want to to die. But its going to. I know this will get harder before it gets easier....that's fine. Bring it on because I'm killing this beast. I know any lighter approach will lead me right back to insanity.

You can do this. But you have to want it....BADLY.

EndGameNYC

By definition, self-discipline and self-control mean stopping ourselves from doing something that's natural for us to do or that we dearly want to do, and that is also not in our better interests to do it. Alternatively, self-discipline requires that we do something that we would prefer not to do, even though doing it would be in our better interests. It's often experienced as another version of self-sacrifice.

This is why -- although it's often necessary in early sobriety -- willpower generally does not work in the long-term. It wouldn't have worked for me. People who are able to remain abstinent by maintaining self-discipline alone over time invite continuous and mounting resentments. The word 'resolve' is often used to describe willpower, but if resolve were enough to stay sober and live a better life, we wouldn't be here. Willpower during a moment of weakness can also be a valuable tool but, again, was not for me a reliable strategy -- and certainly not a plan -- to remain sober.

I've long maintained that our greatest gift and the source of our greatest fears is independence. This was true for me. The power to choose. The power to be who we are, without reservation. The only way to overcome this, or at least manage it, was to work through my fears. Thinking alone gets me nowhere. Although in many ways the world gives us what we need, it can never give us what we want. Life is simply much too short to settle for less than is available to us. We only ever come to know this by getting and staying sober.

ilovedogs666

If willpower is not enough to stay sober in the long term, what is required for us to stay sober? I also heard that simply remembering how bad it was will not be sufficient to keep us sober. I think the main thing would be to create a life for ourselves where we are relatively happy and peaceful, a life where we will not want to escape our feelings.. Would you agree?

I find that when I have any thoughts about drinking these days, its not because I want to actually drink alcohol, its that I do not want to feel the way I am feeling, I cannot tolerate my feelings and emotions, I just want to escape this feeling... And the best way I know how to achieve that is by drinking. I think being aware of this is very helpful and I can dismiss these thoughts and stay sober.

Delilah1

Hi 1NeedHelp,

I know it seems very difficult, but you can do this. Sounds like you are willing to do whatever is necessary to remain sober, and you sound very determined. That was the difference for me this time, I was determined to stay sober, I have a little more than four months right now, and SR has been my biggest support. Log in here if the thought of drinking pops into your head, and there will be lots of members here to talk you through that thought.

I know you can do this, and I promise it is worth it!!!

❤️ Delilah

EndGameNYC

Yes. At least it worked for me.

D122y

1nh,

Curious, did you start to feel heavy anxiety, nervousness, or paranoia prior to your relapse?

I remember feeling like that before all my binges. The booze quelled it for a time, then it would return.

Once I quit, those feeling enveloped me off and on for months. They steadily declined to almost nothing now at 1 year sober.

Thanks.

JimdiGriz

I read your posts and definitely share your experiences : good luck with everything- for me I would get so twisted with anxiety about all my responsibilities , to do lists, failures and overwhelmed with the seeming complexity of everything.
Much of this has resolved itself simply through not drinking for an extended period .
I'm in AA but feel very ambivalent about it : I don't know how that will fare but I've got 5 months clean- It's not easy sometimes but an interesting phenomenon has arisen- I reward myself with normality! It's as though through not drinking i can engage in other things guilt free- I have always felt guilty and anxious about doing even the most straightforward of things ! I feel it's the inverse of the drinking situation where my drinking personality ultimately wanted to sacrifice everything and everyone in my life in the pursuit of getting drunk. Many days still I could murder a drink for the taste but i am currently rewarded more through getting on with day to day things - and I thought I would never say something like that ! My relationship with my wife has defo improved, I can concentrate at work and so many anxieties have resolved themselves . That's just my experience but you may have felt this in extended runs of sobriety . All I can say is that it does get easier day by day if you can push through. Anyway thinking of you because I have been there and not so long ago- having said all this hope I don't go on a bender tonight

Gottalife

Will power wasn't enough for me either. And most alcholics have above average will power as you will find out if you ever try to stop one from drinking. But in respect of alchol, my will power was of no use. It failed utterly.

The solution was to get the needed power elsewhere. I have gone from being unable to not drink, to not even thinking of drinking, not matter what life throws at me. The basis was a complete change of personalty, a different outlook, different ideas, a new approach to life. A good therapist may be able to get you on this track over a few years of therapy. I used a different method which proved much faster. My life had changhed for ever after a few months of following some simple suggestions.

After the first few days, will power, or the lack of it, was not a factor. The desire to drink was removed, completely and I found myself on a completely different path.

1needhelp

I'm on day two. The shock of realizing that I could be losing everything good in my life has subsided. My resolve has not. The last several months I had been moderating my drinking. I feel it was mostly successful, with the occasional slip of drinking too much. The last month, I had a build up anxieties. As a result, I turned to more drinking, mostly by myself at home. The truth is, I was trying to escape my reality and my feelings. So, with that kind of relationship with alcohol, it is an obviously a dangerous mix. Don't get me wrong, I love a good beer, and I 90% of the time can control myself. It's that 10% of the time that is not worth the risk. My drinking self was becoming more and more reckless. I found myself caring less about my life, because "what was the point anyways, you can't change it", or at least that is what my addict self told me. I do have responsibilities, and I don't want to give them up due to my selfishness. I am seeking help from a therapist and I am discussing more details of my anxieties with my wife. I know that I need support which is a major reason I came to this site. It helped before when I was committed to being sober.

I do find inspiration for all of your stories.

madgirl

It's progressive.

Don't get me wrong, I love a good beer, and I 90% of the time can control myself. It's that 10% of the time that is not worth the risk. My drinking self was becoming more and more reckless. I found myself caring less about my life, because "what was the point anyways, you can't change it", or at least that is what my addict self told me

The percentages you listed there will change, because it starts to completely hijack your life.