Overreacting in Sobriety
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: U.S.
Posts: 28
Overreacting in Sobriety
Hi Everyone, l am in the middle of feeling regretful and shameful about my actions over Memorial Day weekend.
I have a best friend who is also my roommate. We got sober together in 2013, and after a year decided to share a place together. This person was and is my best friend in the world, like a brother really.
The past 3 months I've been traveling for work, only being home on weekends. Work has had me busy 80 hours a week, and I've had a challenge getting to AA meetings in other states, but I have. I was excited to come for Memorial Day weekend, and hang out and have fun and just be home, go to my home group meetings and relax.
The friday coming home, I drove all night and got home by sunrise. Then, I had 3 conference calls for work that would keep me busy until 10AM which was fine. I had to repeat those calls Sunday and Monday morning.
Saturday was a fun day with a BBQ and friends. I left at 730PM to go to a meeting, and then come back and join the group at the BBQ. I ended up going to the ER after the meeting because I developed a terrible rash over my body. Fortunately, it was just a stress rash that would go away over time. I got home at 10PM and just wanted to get to bed so I could do well on my calls in the AM, but when I came home my roommate and a friend were drinking and just having a good time. The radio was loud and they were being really loud. I could hear them over listening to music with my headphones on.
Here's where I overreacted. I simply got up, left and went to stay in a hotel. Then Sunday morning after my calls, I left town for work early. Monday I sent a text message simply saying I'd be back in a week to pack my things and move out.
We ended up talking and apologizing and I'm not leaving and I'm glad. I feel terrible because I overreacted out of being tired, but that's not an excuse. I could have used words, calmly like an adult. I feel like I could have hurt the best friend I have who means a lot to me as a factor in my sobriety.
I can't shake the guilt of how I acted. In sobriety, I look at my actions and I acted childish and out of anger, and I regret it.
What can I do to get past this? I'll see him this weekend and plan on apologizing in person. Any advice would be really helpful.
I have a best friend who is also my roommate. We got sober together in 2013, and after a year decided to share a place together. This person was and is my best friend in the world, like a brother really.
The past 3 months I've been traveling for work, only being home on weekends. Work has had me busy 80 hours a week, and I've had a challenge getting to AA meetings in other states, but I have. I was excited to come for Memorial Day weekend, and hang out and have fun and just be home, go to my home group meetings and relax.
The friday coming home, I drove all night and got home by sunrise. Then, I had 3 conference calls for work that would keep me busy until 10AM which was fine. I had to repeat those calls Sunday and Monday morning.
Saturday was a fun day with a BBQ and friends. I left at 730PM to go to a meeting, and then come back and join the group at the BBQ. I ended up going to the ER after the meeting because I developed a terrible rash over my body. Fortunately, it was just a stress rash that would go away over time. I got home at 10PM and just wanted to get to bed so I could do well on my calls in the AM, but when I came home my roommate and a friend were drinking and just having a good time. The radio was loud and they were being really loud. I could hear them over listening to music with my headphones on.
Here's where I overreacted. I simply got up, left and went to stay in a hotel. Then Sunday morning after my calls, I left town for work early. Monday I sent a text message simply saying I'd be back in a week to pack my things and move out.
We ended up talking and apologizing and I'm not leaving and I'm glad. I feel terrible because I overreacted out of being tired, but that's not an excuse. I could have used words, calmly like an adult. I feel like I could have hurt the best friend I have who means a lot to me as a factor in my sobriety.
I can't shake the guilt of how I acted. In sobriety, I look at my actions and I acted childish and out of anger, and I regret it.
What can I do to get past this? I'll see him this weekend and plan on apologizing in person. Any advice would be really helpful.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
To me it sounds like you've done all you need to do. You apologized, your roommate accepted and everyone seems to be on the same page.
You were in a very stressful situation and honestly I don't think what you did was grossly out of line at all. I'd chalk it up as a lesson learned and move forward.
You were in a very stressful situation and honestly I don't think what you did was grossly out of line at all. I'd chalk it up as a lesson learned and move forward.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
If I had an alcoholic room mate who was drinking, either he'd be gone or I would. One of the choices I have today is to not live with an active alcoholic. It's no good for me and it's no good for them. By staying in the situation I would be condoning the behaviour and enabling it.
When an alcoholic stays at my place, no drinking is a non-negotiable rule. Its not the drinking that bothers me, it is the alcoholic behaviour I can do without.
As far as an overreaction goes, it seems like fear and anger leapt out at you. The only soltuion to these I have found is to do what you have done, recognise them, ask God at once to remove them, make amends for any harm done, and then think about someone we can help, steps 10 and 11. These are the priniciples we learn to apply daily through steps 1-9.
If we haven't yet got around to asking God to remove our defects, then I guess we will keep getting these painful lessons intil we have done what ever it is we are supposed to do.
When an alcoholic stays at my place, no drinking is a non-negotiable rule. Its not the drinking that bothers me, it is the alcoholic behaviour I can do without.
As far as an overreaction goes, it seems like fear and anger leapt out at you. The only soltuion to these I have found is to do what you have done, recognise them, ask God at once to remove them, make amends for any harm done, and then think about someone we can help, steps 10 and 11. These are the priniciples we learn to apply daily through steps 1-9.
If we haven't yet got around to asking God to remove our defects, then I guess we will keep getting these painful lessons intil we have done what ever it is we are supposed to do.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I think you have done what you could. I agree with Scott that I don't think what you did was out of line. He was up and drinking. You needed to sleep and were not feeling well with the rash. Reasoning with people who have been drinking never seems to work for me. I think just leaving and staying in a hotel, since you had the means to do so, was an awesome choice actually. You didn't yell at the party crew. No slamming things. It was simple and well executed. The only thing I'd have changed up is the texting but that is the area you probably feel you want to apologize for and you have done so.
I understand what you are saying about overreacting and how to deal. Writing down what you want to say was a good suggestion. Holding off on texting or calling until you have had a time out for a while to compose your thoughts. I leap first and regret later too often myself so those are things that also worked for me.
I understand what you are saying about overreacting and how to deal. Writing down what you want to say was a good suggestion. Holding off on texting or calling until you have had a time out for a while to compose your thoughts. I leap first and regret later too often myself so those are things that also worked for me.
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