2muchpain

I was thinking that even you get to a meeting late, maybe you could stay after the meeting and make some connections. Maybe some would be ok for you to drop by their house after work to hang out for a while before going home. That might help with not drinking after work. John

FeenixxRising

Yes, we understand that, but you've already stated there aren't any after work meetings, so many of us have offered alternatives. If you want to attend meetings, you will probably need to be a little flexible with your schedule.

Another alternative is to read and contemplate what's written in the Big Book; it's not the same as face-to-face meetings, but again, it's about getting your frame-of-mind in a healthy place.

Soberpotamus

This is what I ended up doing, Sleepie, and it wasn't a bad read I got more from the actual book than from the meetings. But, that's just me. Others might prefer meetings

bemyself

hi sleepie,
I don't know if this thought might help you: I remember in my very very early days of even 'just thinking about getting sober', I was living in a country town. I had no other commitments (work or family times) to tie me down, so I started to check out one or two of the meetings in my town and the nearest town. As it turned out, I kinda hated them, but that's another issue. What I was struck by was the dearth of meetings in the overall area / district (being country), and yes, those that existed were at set times which didn't take late-schedules and such things into account. I know from having looked at the State online listings, that if I were to move back to that area [have since moved to an outer suburb of the city with many more meetings], this situation remains the same.

However: whilst I realise it's great to have somewhere f2f to go when you need it, if it's simply not feasible to attend - you do have SR. I've never used the chat meetings here, but perhaps that could help after you get home from work? And, as others have said, there are countless other online meetings for various groups both AA and non-AA. Many of us who are isolated by illness, commitments IRL, or sheer geography have to rely on resources like here....even if only for a time until our personal circumstances maybe change, and new f2f opportunities open up.

Good on you for at least making that call, luv. But now you know the actual real-time score about the meetings when's and where's.......just perhaps get your support where you can? Online is great for that, despite its limitations.

bemyself

Oh yes, forgot to second the idea that just reading recovery stuff AA related or any of the other fab stuff out there now, can be very helpful. I have quite a library of such stuff.

sugarbear1

If you want some AA links, private email me.

sleepie

Thanks everyone.
I want to do the chat here but this is not my computer and my boyfriend says no chatting PLUS in the past OMG did I get taken for a ride by another person here on the site. I am a dumba*** with a learning disorder and I am pretty sure they took full advantage of that. I am just terrified of chat rooms now.

Dee74

I'm sorry that happened sleepie... but you are definitely not a dumb***

D

sleepie

I think you know who I mean Dee. It still hurts so deeply. Only on account of being treated that way by another person. I don't know how people can be so manipulative and heartless.
Thank you for saying sorry that happened and not sorry you feel that way.

Lance40

Hi sleepie - I like 2muchpain's suggestion. Even if you got in on the tail end of a meeting it might be helpful. You could explain your situation and ask if anyone had any time to connect a bit after the meeting if you need more support.

IOAA2

Hi.

In my early trying to get sober experience I had a lot of rationalizations about suggestions given me and I continued drinking until I started to take them seriously and leave out the word “BUT” which I used constantly.

With a dilemma like yours the old timers would suggest AM, noon, or 5pm meetings. If they were not a good fit they would strongly suggest getting another job because becoming and staying sober is our number one job, bar everything else, no ifs, ands or buts.

That may be too harsh for this generation but back then many got sober when they really wanted to.

BE WELL

tomsteve

The man who was my first sponsor called me out on my BS once. I said I'm too tired at the end of the day, I have this,that and the other. All the rationalization and excuses to not make a meeting.
I recall him tellin me something to the effect:
It's all a lie tom. Ya put a lot of effort into getting drunk and high. Worked on 3-4 hours of sleep a lot because ya closed the bar. Went out of your way and into pretty nasty neighborhoods to get your fix. Ya put in a lot of work getting drunk and high and until ya stop making excuses and put in as much effort to get sober as ya did to get drunk and high ya Aint gonna get nothing but drunk.

Sure hope ya stop making excuses,sleepie. Been reading a lot of self pity and terminal uniqueness as excuses and it ain't gonna do nothin but get ya drunk. There's absolutely nothing unique about your situation and until ya stop using your situation as an excuse....Welp....... Iffen ya go back and read your threads since you've been here, I think you will see how good that hasn't worked.
No matter what recovery program , yer gonna have to put in the footwork and her dam well worth every bit of footwork necessary.

Joe Nerv

This...

And this...

I was told it was essential that I put sobriety before everything else, or everything else would soon be lost anyhow. I believe that where there is a will, there is a way, yet as alcoholics it's built into us to find every possible justification to NOT treat this disease. It really is interesting that as drunks, finding time to drink and get trashed came naturally, carving an hour (or 2 w/travel time) out of our busy schedule to make a meeting however - well, that's impossible.

I was asked regularly:

How badly are you willing to stay sober?
Are you willing to go to any lengths?

And I believed, actually I knew, that this was a matter of life and death for me.

Sobriety became my absolute #1 priority, and I believe it's because of that, that I didn't waste a whole bunch of years bouncing in and out of programs, destroying my life. As I see far too many people doing. I got sober once, in 1984, and built an awesome life on top of the foundation that was laid in the first 2 years. That solid foundation came out of my putting my sobriety before everything else.

[edit]Tom posted while I was posting... but, what he said, too.

zjw

^tough love

I dunno if your making excuses or not sleepie. I just assume take what your saying at face. But with a post like tomsteves I think the softer way to say it would be sometimes you gotta get out of your comfort zone a little bit is all. I think you've done that some already I'd imagine just calling AA like you did was a pretty big step? Just keep being bold like that.

Lenina

Sleepie, I think I've mentioned before, Rational Recovery. You might look into it. It does not involve meetings or other human contact, it does involve some work but nothing too hard and certainly not beyond you, AVRT is easy to learn and in a short time becomes almost second nature if you're ready to quit drinking.

I had to make changes in my life and in my way of looking at things. AA was very helpful with that. I had to accept the personal responsibility for my recovery and do the work it took.

I use a mix of AA and AVRT. They are, to my mind, not incompatible.

Your boyfriend seems to be a bit of a problem. He doesn't want you doing chat and you say you'd like to do chat but are afraid of chat because someone took advantage of you in chat? I'm sorry that happened. It's not possible for you to do meetings because of your work hours, is there one day a week you have a time off during a meeting time or are you scheduled up?

Do read Rational Recovery. It worked for me.

Love from Lenina

sleepie

I could do a weekly. I will look into rational recovery. I am a bit of an easy target... some really inappropriate things happened at AA before. Thanks for all your input guys.

ScottFromWI

You've got to start somewhere Sleepie. While what happened in the past is inappropriate and unfortunate, it is in the past...as in it already happened. What's far more important is how you deal with the present and what your plans for the future are.

If you want to try AA again, there are many ways to go about it that don't involve putting yourself in the situation you had in the past. ( Online meetings, working steps on your own, reading the big book, taking someone with you to meetings, etc )

AVRT is free and online and doesn't involve any interaction with people in person. Same for many of the self help methods.

SR is also in that category...you have 24/7 access to unlimited support right at your fingertips whether you are at home or at work.

The bottom line though is you need to take action...not ruminate about what action to take or find ways to discount things that don't work. Even if it is somethign as simple as reading one chapter of the big book every night or reading some AVRT literature it's something you can do on your own time that is moving TOWARD sobriety.

Berrybean

Hi Sleepie. I think if you could get into the program (even if you just go a couple of times on your days off), and get a sponsor who is happy for you to call at the time of night you finish work, then that would help.

Also, could you listen to downloads of the speaker tapes on headphones on your commute (I do that as it's not far in miles and would only take a half hour on clear roads, but it seems rare that I get out of 1st or 2nd gear on my commute).

It's easy to think of AA as 'the meetings' but most of the steps work is done on an individual level, and I believe that its working those steps that make the biggest difference to most people's sobriety in AA.

I've found that as long as I do my daily meditations; think through my gratitudes list daily; listen to speaker tapes in the car; go to two meetings a week and in-between time have contact with my sponsor and AA friends by text and email then I'm pretty much topped up throughout the week.