Billynomates

I'm trying to get myself through day 2 and although my physical symptoms seem to be improving, I have the most horrific anxiety!

Probably part to withdrawal but also because for the first time in a while im actually sober and can clearly think about what I have done.

I've screwed my life up, have isolated myself and have no one anymore and scared to death I have lost my job. Stupid enough to drink throughout the day and they know.

I cannot stop worrying, panicking and my mind wont let me think about anything apart from the embarassment, shame, and how disgusting I am. I just feel anxiety and dread.

I just needed to post to get out my feelings. no one to talk to! Has anyone else lost a job over drink?

zjw

I should have lost my job. working from home was an absolute god send as I was able to sober up and no one was none the wiser. But I'm afraid i'll loose mine all the time. My performance is terrible and I'm sure there on to me. I'd fire myself i'm such a terrible employee.

The anxiety for me was horrific when i sobered up and it remained horrific for a good while. I just had to push through it. I tried a lot of things along the way tea, various supplements, distractions, hobbies, going for walks, eating healthier etc.. It will ease up.

That is bad. I'd start thinking about that now. I did the same as you. YOur mind will drag you around by the nose if you allow it. Remember these are all just simply thoughts you do not have to give them so much attention. I had to really wrestle with my mind to stop that. These thoughts are not you they are your minds if that makes any sense. I still have issues with this myself but i'm better at grabbing the bull by the horns and putting an end to it. But even today I do have my worries i wrestle with but its nothing like it was in the early days.

hang in there. In my case i know if i loose my job now i'll at least be sober and thats worth it to me.

Hope2014

Hi Billy,
Day 2 is a good start. You will find great support here.
Did you work from home? If you haven't yet lost your job is it possible to salvage it?

Billynomates

Thanks for your reply.
I'm trying to tell myself that what's done is done and whatever happens me worrying wont change the outcome.. and then boom I'm back panicking! Just keep thinking of what people will think of me and how embarassed I'll be. sigh

biminiblue

The thoughts will lessen in time, and you will be better able to deal with it the longer you are away. The first two weeks I kept saying, "I'm so raw. I just want to crawl out of my own skin." It was difficult, but I made it - and so will you. Spinny crazy brain does let up on you with continued abstinence.

I had a lot of shame and guilt too. I feel a lot better about myself now.

ScottFromWI

My anxiety was horrible early on too. I spent a lot of time here on SR, took a lot of walks and tried to rest/eat/drink water whenever I could. AA meetings or other types of group recovery can be very beneficial too, being around others in the same situation can really help.

It does definitely get better though so keep at it...you will get through this.

zjw

Your right worrying wont solve a dang thing. I used to know that lesson very well till I became an alcoholic now that lesson seems more difficult when i as younger it was so obvious.

Play the tape on the worry tho. people will think what of you and then what so what ?

I spend a lot of time worrying about my job or money. when iplay the tape on it I think well if i loose my job theres unemployement there will be other options that will pop up life might get tough but i'll get through it I've been through worse a job will come around. When i'd worry about debt when ihad debt I'd think well lets play this out what will happen if i dont pay? not much maybe theyw ill take me to court maybe i'll have to file bankruptcy so what others have been down this road before its just part of life etc..

It helps to think about those worries some if you have too.

hang in there. you # 1 goal right now even if it means you end up sleeping under a bridge should be to remain sober. that alone will add so much to your life. I know that might seem crazy but latch on to sobriety make it your mission the rest will ease up in time.

zjw

its funny too early on in sobriety my anxiety was so bad I actually wondered if i was being poisoned. Ya know the booze prolly was poisoning me!

just this morning I'm having a difficult day myself I had that very same thought di di eat something funny?

I know it my anxiety will subside. it comes in waves.

Billynomates

No I dont work from home.. and I have no idea if I can save it! I doubt it. how could I, its disgusting behaviour!

JensDestiny

Welcome to SR. I hope that your anxiety gets better soon and you are able to repair the damaged relationships (personal and professional) but more so with yourself. I have struggled a lot with forgiving myself for everything that I had done and am still working on that today.

huntingtontx

At first this is really hard, but it gets easier as time goes on. I lived on SR when I first got sober. You can do this. I hope you don't lose your job, but if you do, you will get another. There is nothing you have done that will keep you down forever. Hang in there. We have all been where you are and it does get better. Keep posting. We are all here for you.

gncflyer

I have lost 3 jobs from it. You would think I would have learned after the 1st. Thankfully they weren't the best paying jobs but still.

rachelle77

Hi.

I lost a job once due to my drinking. It was a dead-end/under-paying job that I had been loathing for a good five years, but I still deeply regret showing up to work drunk, getting drunk while working, and calling in "sick" or just not showing up because I wanted to stay home and drink alone in my house.

And I once had anxiety so bad after a terrifying bender that I couldn't sleep for almost three days.

Dee74

Hi Billy
Like others here I lost not one but several careers. If the worst were to happen with your job (and that's not a certainty no matter how much you worry) I'm sure you'd still be ok and find something else.

The great thing about being sober is I'm ready and waiting for any opportunity. I could never say that as a drinker.

D

rachelle77

What Dee wrote is 100% spot on!

Rivelino

It will get better Billy, not perfect but better.

The mantra of "this too shall pass" is very useful to me in early sobriety.

Once the self loathing dies down you will be able to see things more clearly and often when seen in the clear light of a sober day they either weren't as bad as you first thought or you can control your mind better so you don't have to dwell in the negativity of past events.

Keep posting here, your post has really helped me as it reminds me that I too have lost jobs and felt disgusted with myself too many times over my alcoholism.

gncflyer

Don't you dare beat yourself up. It doesn't matter what has happened or what you've done. IT ONLY MATTERS WHAT YOU DO NOW FROM THIS POINT.

If you get through this and become a better person and employee people will quickly forget the old you and treat you as you are.

More importantly you will have self respect and not this image you have now.