Here we go again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 17
Here we go again
I would like to start off by saying hello, my name is chris. I'm new here.
I've spent a lot of years drinking. I thought I was done with it for good. I really believed I would never drink again.
I drank so much and ate so little that I turned jaundiced. Quitting was the hardest thing I've ever done, and I remember the hell of constant drinking.
I quit for 6 years and after 6 months never felt better in my life. Ii hit the gym and bulked uo some and exercise was my new addiction. Then it happened. My mom died and a part of me did as well.
I started drinking again at night only and usually less than a six pack. Then it got up to about 10 a night which is where I'm at now.
This AM my hands were shaking badly and I had a couple to steady myself. Today is the wake up, I can feel it escalating. I've not had a morning drink until today. I realize where this is going. I have no choice but to quit.
It's going to be hard as hell again because I know I'm about to not sleep for a week. That's what I'm scared of, what I have to go through to get in the clear. The detoxing shouldn't be bad as I've kept it to only nights and not all day. I've had two beers already and am going to bed after 6.
Tomorrow is my quit day. I can't let my family down or myself, or everything I've worked for in the gym.
I'm at that crossroad. Sorry for the wall of text. I just feel better putting this out there. Wish me luck. I hope I still have the fight.
I've spent a lot of years drinking. I thought I was done with it for good. I really believed I would never drink again.
I drank so much and ate so little that I turned jaundiced. Quitting was the hardest thing I've ever done, and I remember the hell of constant drinking.
I quit for 6 years and after 6 months never felt better in my life. Ii hit the gym and bulked uo some and exercise was my new addiction. Then it happened. My mom died and a part of me did as well.
I started drinking again at night only and usually less than a six pack. Then it got up to about 10 a night which is where I'm at now.
This AM my hands were shaking badly and I had a couple to steady myself. Today is the wake up, I can feel it escalating. I've not had a morning drink until today. I realize where this is going. I have no choice but to quit.
It's going to be hard as hell again because I know I'm about to not sleep for a week. That's what I'm scared of, what I have to go through to get in the clear. The detoxing shouldn't be bad as I've kept it to only nights and not all day. I've had two beers already and am going to bed after 6.
Tomorrow is my quit day. I can't let my family down or myself, or everything I've worked for in the gym.
I'm at that crossroad. Sorry for the wall of text. I just feel better putting this out there. Wish me luck. I hope I still have the fight.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Here, there and everywhere
Posts: 559
Hi Chris and welcome.
As has been said previously, we've all been there, I know I sure have. More than once. I don't post very often these days, but I do read a lot of posts, and this is a good site to get support. I have been through some rough times over the years, not all of which are related to alcohol, and always come here for comfort as well as a sense of friendship.
Marine
As has been said previously, we've all been there, I know I sure have. More than once. I don't post very often these days, but I do read a lot of posts, and this is a good site to get support. I have been through some rough times over the years, not all of which are related to alcohol, and always come here for comfort as well as a sense of friendship.
Marine
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 212
Welcome Chris! As others have said.. We've all been there and we are here to support you!!
You really can quit again just like you did before 24 hours at a time.. That's it! One foot in front of the other!
Good luck to you and check in daily!:-)
You really can quit again just like you did before 24 hours at a time.. That's it! One foot in front of the other!
Good luck to you and check in daily!:-)
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Hey Chris ....it's definitely a scary proposition, quitting that is. Sounds like you have some great experience in the past with staying sober, hope that SR can be of help getting you back to that good place.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 17
Thank you scott. I definitely know what it takes I just hope I have it again.
It's going to be hard but shouldn't be as hard as last time. Last time I had hallucinations and every minute felt like an hour of torture.
I begged god to help. I said "god, I'll do the heavy lifting but please give me just enough strength to get through tgis" I had to break it down 5 minutes at a time. Maybe I'm just scared because of the hell I went through last time. I was way worse off that time. I can't believe I made it through.
I have a little daughter now and she thinks I'm superman. I have to do this, that's all I know. She's been asking mom what's wrong with me and it's killing me. She's my little buddy and loves me and I would kill for her. I'm not ashamed to admit I've cried about this "rut" I fell into.
For those of you that have sobriety and support people like me I want you to know I think your amazing. If I make it hopefully I'll stay here and help people as well because we "the sick" need you guys.
Thank you. For gaining your sobriety and then helping those that need to.
It's going to be hard but shouldn't be as hard as last time. Last time I had hallucinations and every minute felt like an hour of torture.
I begged god to help. I said "god, I'll do the heavy lifting but please give me just enough strength to get through tgis" I had to break it down 5 minutes at a time. Maybe I'm just scared because of the hell I went through last time. I was way worse off that time. I can't believe I made it through.
I have a little daughter now and she thinks I'm superman. I have to do this, that's all I know. She's been asking mom what's wrong with me and it's killing me. She's my little buddy and loves me and I would kill for her. I'm not ashamed to admit I've cried about this "rut" I fell into.
For those of you that have sobriety and support people like me I want you to know I think your amazing. If I make it hopefully I'll stay here and help people as well because we "the sick" need you guys.
Thank you. For gaining your sobriety and then helping those that need to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 17
Day 1. I've been reading a lot here. I've been to angry to post though.
It's like jekyll and hyde. All day at work I was fine and good. Then nighttime rolled around when I would normally start and extreme anger set in. I've been mad at everything, I know it's part of it though.
I keep thinking of my daughter and not disappointing her as a father.
It's hard though.
Don't really feel like I'm detoxing although I'm sure I am even slightly.
I used to drink a 12 pack a night for years until I became all day then was at about a case a day. I didn't even hit the 12 pack mark this time around but when I had my first morning drink I knew it was time to quit or go through complete hell again.
It's like jekyll and hyde. All day at work I was fine and good. Then nighttime rolled around when I would normally start and extreme anger set in. I've been mad at everything, I know it's part of it though.
I keep thinking of my daughter and not disappointing her as a father.
It's hard though.
Don't really feel like I'm detoxing although I'm sure I am even slightly.
I used to drink a 12 pack a night for years until I became all day then was at about a case a day. I didn't even hit the 12 pack mark this time around but when I had my first morning drink I knew it was time to quit or go through complete hell again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by kittycat3 
Hey Chris, welcome! We've all been there, man! If I can do this you can.
Do you plan to go to AA or other meetings? Treatment? Got any ideas?
Do you plan to go to AA or other meetings? Treatment? Got any ideas?
Suppport? This place. Meetings? No just here. Last time I did it I wanted it for me as is the way it should be. This time is different. I want it because my daughter knows something is different "wrong" with me.
I don't feel as strong with my resolve this time and I'm not mentally in the right place. All I know is what the future holds if I keep at it. And how bad it would damage family relatuonships. Especially with my child. So that's my motivation. Not for me but for my daughter because she really needs me.
Also, I know what waits on the other side.
The practicing alcoholic is blind and doesn't have hope in life. They only believe alcohol can make them feel better. They, we, I can't see or fathom a better life awaits if they kick it.
Even though I can't feel it now I know it's there . I want to drink badly right now, I just cant.
Alcohol is a tricky bitch. It's pure evil. Deny it enough Though and she gives up. Then you reap the rewards of the battle you just fought.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: The Northland
Posts: 600
Your strength will build as the days add up. You will need to find a new way to deal with your loss, drinking seems to become our go-to for every emotion. You can do this for your family, but also for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I hope I still have the fight.
but it sounds to me like you got some good fight in you and your aware of the beast you gotta wrestle with.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Indiana
Posts: 118
I think you can do this. I quit using only self control and this site. Don't get me wrong, I think there are benefits to AA and/or other traditional programs as well but I think it greatly depends on your personality and what is comfortable for you. Wishing you the best. Jen
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: London
Posts: 71
You are already drawing on your inner strength and wisdom. Any doubts that you have about succeeding are coming from the lure of alcohol, they will pass. You say that you really want to do this for your daughter? My childhood was ruined thanks to my alcoholic father, a time you can never regain. You brought your daughter into this life, so give her the life that she deserves. We are all here for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 17
Still here guys and fighting.
What has changed the last few days? I no longer have weak rubbery legs and body. My energy is almost fully back and my blood pressure is just about normal. I'm sleepy but feel better than when I was getting wasted.
I thank you all for giving me the courage to fight this again. My fights not over but for the first time in months I feel like I stood up in the face of my fears and punched back.
When mom died unexpected (right in front of me) it floored me. Broke me and I thought alcohol was the answer. It's never the answer.
If anyone wants to quit and reads this I urge you to take a leap of faith. It's hell, but your already living in hell. It's a struggle, but you struggle every day. If you face it I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not there yet but I can see it. With drinking there is only darkness before death.
I will continue to post in my thread on my progress. In others as well. I like this place and identify with so many stories I've read here.
I'm going to lay down and hopefully get some sleep tonight. I have a big day tomorrow. Me and my daughter are going to the pool. Something that wouldn't be possible if I didn't stop this madness just a few short days ago because they don't sell alcohol there.
Thanks again SR, I've tried several times the last few months and ran out to the store for alcohol every time. Like I said it's not over and I can't let my guard down but I feel like I have a fighting chance now.
What has changed the last few days? I no longer have weak rubbery legs and body. My energy is almost fully back and my blood pressure is just about normal. I'm sleepy but feel better than when I was getting wasted.
I thank you all for giving me the courage to fight this again. My fights not over but for the first time in months I feel like I stood up in the face of my fears and punched back.
When mom died unexpected (right in front of me) it floored me. Broke me and I thought alcohol was the answer. It's never the answer.
If anyone wants to quit and reads this I urge you to take a leap of faith. It's hell, but your already living in hell. It's a struggle, but you struggle every day. If you face it I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not there yet but I can see it. With drinking there is only darkness before death.
I will continue to post in my thread on my progress. In others as well. I like this place and identify with so many stories I've read here.
I'm going to lay down and hopefully get some sleep tonight. I have a big day tomorrow. Me and my daughter are going to the pool. Something that wouldn't be possible if I didn't stop this madness just a few short days ago because they don't sell alcohol there.
Thanks again SR, I've tried several times the last few months and ran out to the store for alcohol every time. Like I said it's not over and I can't let my guard down but I feel like I have a fighting chance now.
Trying to Enjoy Life Now
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Sittin' on the dock of the bay
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by gncflyer
Still here guys and fighting.
What has changed the last few days? I no longer have weak rubbery legs and body. My energy is almost fully back and my blood pressure is just about normal. I'm sleepy but feel better than when I was getting wasted.
I thank you all for giving me the courage to fight this again. My fights not over but for the first time in months I feel like I stood up in the face of my fears and punched back.
When mom died unexpected (right in front of me) it floored me. Broke me and I thought alcohol was the answer. It's never the answer.
If anyone wants to quit and reads this I urge you to take a leap of faith. It's hell, but your already living in hell. It's a struggle, but you struggle every day. If you face it I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not there yet but I can see it. With drinking there is only darkness before death.
I will continue to post in my thread on my progress. In others as well. I like this place and identify with so many stories I've read here.
I'm going to lay down and hopefully get some sleep tonight. I have a big day tomorrow. Me and my daughter are going to the pool. Something that wouldn't be possible if I didn't stop this madness just a few short days ago because they don't sell alcohol there.
Thanks again SR, I've tried several times the last few months and ran out to the store for alcohol every time. Like I said it's not over and I can't let my guard down but I feel like I have a fighting chance now.
What has changed the last few days? I no longer have weak rubbery legs and body. My energy is almost fully back and my blood pressure is just about normal. I'm sleepy but feel better than when I was getting wasted.
I thank you all for giving me the courage to fight this again. My fights not over but for the first time in months I feel like I stood up in the face of my fears and punched back.
When mom died unexpected (right in front of me) it floored me. Broke me and I thought alcohol was the answer. It's never the answer.
If anyone wants to quit and reads this I urge you to take a leap of faith. It's hell, but your already living in hell. It's a struggle, but you struggle every day. If you face it I promise there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm not there yet but I can see it. With drinking there is only darkness before death.
I will continue to post in my thread on my progress. In others as well. I like this place and identify with so many stories I've read here.
I'm going to lay down and hopefully get some sleep tonight. I have a big day tomorrow. Me and my daughter are going to the pool. Something that wouldn't be possible if I didn't stop this madness just a few short days ago because they don't sell alcohol there.
Thanks again SR, I've tried several times the last few months and ran out to the store for alcohol every time. Like I said it's not over and I can't let my guard down but I feel like I have a fighting chance now.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Sounds like you are doing well. It's just hard for me to imagine why someone would not also want social support for their recovery in the form of a program. I feel so much better when I leave an AA meeting and talking and listening to other alcoholics. But if you believe you can do it this way, more power to you. Just sharing my experience.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 17
Hi guys.
Still here, still sober. I feel fantastic, sleeping again, all my energy back. Been hitting the gym hard again.
I was (am) so scared of the monster grabbing me again. It was tough but I won this round. Last time I was six years sober. Hopefully we can double that figure.
Once I took that morning drink I knew it had me again and I came here. And learned some things. I didn't know I had an AV. Didn't know to separate my AV from me. It helped.
My relationship with family is strong again and I don't have to pretend to be happy in fr9nt of them. I am happy.
Is life perfect? He'll no. It's 100 percent better without that beast in my life again. I am stronger without it.
Thanks again for all your help. I'll stick around and try and help others like you amazing folks helped me.
This is a wonderful community and the world is a better place because your here.
Still here, still sober. I feel fantastic, sleeping again, all my energy back. Been hitting the gym hard again.
I was (am) so scared of the monster grabbing me again. It was tough but I won this round. Last time I was six years sober. Hopefully we can double that figure.
Once I took that morning drink I knew it had me again and I came here. And learned some things. I didn't know I had an AV. Didn't know to separate my AV from me. It helped.
My relationship with family is strong again and I don't have to pretend to be happy in fr9nt of them. I am happy.
Is life perfect? He'll no. It's 100 percent better without that beast in my life again. I am stronger without it.
Thanks again for all your help. I'll stick around and try and help others like you amazing folks helped me.
This is a wonderful community and the world is a better place because your here.
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