zvang

I might make you guys bored . cause of ups and downs , quiting and relapse , but writing here is helping me a lot .

3 months a go i quit completely then i decided to relapse after a month and a half . (look at my last thread) .

I relapsed really cause i wanted that , and i thought that i should give it try to enjoy it so i drank in moderation in all that period . and actually i wanted to enjoy it .i've never exceed 3 or 4 glasses . and i didn't drank the next day .

But , it never worked , i got again all my dark emotions especially the day after drinking and get again the suicidal thoughts and crying for no reason and losing interest in every thing , even one shot can give me those feelings .

So i left it with this conclusion , Its an allergy or something , its a fact i should accept that i should never drink again ,

And this what i was telling my self in that period (The drinking relationship is over , no matter what if you drink or not , Its Over its Over are you blind , The drunk you is moving on . its a toxic relationship and your getting obsessed with him . Let it go ,move on and get a life).

llastchance8

Great decision zvang.. Alcohol does , nothing positive , absolutely nothing positive to our lives.. It messes up our lives.. We all are with you.. Stay committed

doggonecarl

Hope this time you are more open to seeking and applying a program of recovery vice just trying to abstain from alcohol.

biminiblue

I've heard it said before that it's a lot like breaking up from a bad relationship. We keep beating our heads against that wall hoping she'll change - but it's always the same sad story.

I'm glad you've chosen to break up for good this time.

ScottFromWI

I found the same thing over and over...no matter what type of "moderation" I tried my addiction took over and it was back to daily binge drinking.

I hope we can help you find a plan or program that you can commit to, have you given any thought to what you might try?

MIRecovery

When the day came that I realized I simply could not drink successfully and never would the healing started

zvang

Thank you all for replies , actually i dont wanna get obsessed with withdrawals and alcoholism as i used before . i think i reached to place where i know how the hell is going till you finish the detox , so im not checking alot in the forum

Im trying to work in spiritual things , praying and changing the negative energy inside me that always turned me back to poison , im trying to get a job soon , and im trying fulfill my time with helpful ways .

This my Day 5 , and i manage it successfully , and listen to my thoughts .

Alcohol Always exaggerate emotions .It let you live in your emotional side and in the unconscious level, in your brain . as you age , you start noticing that you dont have new experiences in your brain , so you start getting your thoughts from the old negative experiences thats when you got shocked that you havent grown up in all of that years you were an alcoholic , and as recovered the first new challenges in your life is like learning child to start walking , we are trying to build the confidence in our selfs and that for sure takes time .

God bless you all