Buried Dad today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Thank you so much, all.
I would like to extend an extra thanks to fellow journeyers. Haennie, I thought of you a lot as I wrote this. You are in my thoughts. You're a good daughter, my friend. Ajax, your poignant post was a gift. I was particularly moved by your recollection of the last night with your father. Opivotal, you were a tried-and-true friend during the challenges I faced. You still are, dear lady.
How fortunate we all are to have this place of connection, this world of unseen friends who in many ways understand us best. The kind comments mean a great deal to me.
I would like to extend an extra thanks to fellow journeyers. Haennie, I thought of you a lot as I wrote this. You are in my thoughts. You're a good daughter, my friend. Ajax, your poignant post was a gift. I was particularly moved by your recollection of the last night with your father. Opivotal, you were a tried-and-true friend during the challenges I faced. You still are, dear lady.
How fortunate we all are to have this place of connection, this world of unseen friends who in many ways understand us best. The kind comments mean a great deal to me.
Marchia in Aeternum
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 11,094
Originally Posted by Venecia 
On his last day, he practiced his tuba, had coffee with his friends and planted his flowers. I take great comfort in that.
Meanwhile, my heart breaks for you.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Venecia,
how your post honours your father and your relationship!
just want to speak to this for a sec:
Some of it, though, is that I think I erected a shell around myself early in recovery to steel myself for the challenges that awaited. I'm afraid, sometimes, that the shell has overtaken me. I've not had a huge cry in sobriety, before or after Dad. I think I need to, but I cannot summon it. I cannot seem to crack the shell.
i started an entire thread on my old forum a couple of years into sobriety simply because i hadn't cried. felt i couldn't "crack" when it would be appropriate. i could "feel" over-the-top sentimental and in tears over reading a scene in "Call of the Wild", but felt untouched by real-life griefs.
it worried me bigtime.
a few days later somebody made an off-hand remark in a "story" he was telling, and the damn burst for me. shell cracked.
this is what he said to me afterwards, and that's been my experience:
"Emotions wake up at their own pace and in unexpected ways."
hug to you.
how your post honours your father and your relationship!
just want to speak to this for a sec:
Some of it, though, is that I think I erected a shell around myself early in recovery to steel myself for the challenges that awaited. I'm afraid, sometimes, that the shell has overtaken me. I've not had a huge cry in sobriety, before or after Dad. I think I need to, but I cannot summon it. I cannot seem to crack the shell.
i started an entire thread on my old forum a couple of years into sobriety simply because i hadn't cried. felt i couldn't "crack" when it would be appropriate. i could "feel" over-the-top sentimental and in tears over reading a scene in "Call of the Wild", but felt untouched by real-life griefs.
it worried me bigtime.
a few days later somebody made an off-hand remark in a "story" he was telling, and the damn burst for me. shell cracked.
this is what he said to me afterwards, and that's been my experience:
"Emotions wake up at their own pace and in unexpected ways."
hug to you.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Venus, my sweet friend -- I know this is a painful time for you. You are never alone.
Fini, your post helps me a lot. I was thinking about the catharsis Rob mentioned earlier this evening as I got into the shower. There was dirt under my fingernails from the clump of dirt I threw in over Dad's ashes. I watched it blend in with the water circling the drain, then disappear. The tears nearly came. Nearly.
For a year since Dad's death, I've wondered more than occasionally what the hell is wrong with me. When I read your post, it gave me hope. I appreciated that so much -- thank you.
Fini, your post helps me a lot. I was thinking about the catharsis Rob mentioned earlier this evening as I got into the shower. There was dirt under my fingernails from the clump of dirt I threw in over Dad's ashes. I watched it blend in with the water circling the drain, then disappear. The tears nearly came. Nearly.
For a year since Dad's death, I've wondered more than occasionally what the hell is wrong with me. When I read your post, it gave me hope. I appreciated that so much -- thank you.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
What a beautiful post Venecia. I too lost my Dad this past year. We had a complex relationship but I was able to spend some good quality time with him before his cancer came between us.
Do not worry about the tears...mine came when I was ready.
Thinking of you lots x
Do not worry about the tears...mine came when I was ready.
Thinking of you lots x
♥♥♥
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
That was a beautiful post V, you're always so eloquent. My thoughts are with you in this time of reflection about your father, who was a special man. Have a beautiful day and, especially, take notice of the flowers.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Venecia, I am so sorry. I was touched by your ability to have perspective on the big picture contrasted with the precious, intimate details that defined your father. I love the fact that your father planted mostly annuals. There is something so joyous about how annuals make the most of the time they are given to bloom. I find a lot of solace in nature and I hope that you can surround yourself with things that help you find peace at this time.
Sending hugs.
Sending hugs.
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